Wrath of the TitansPerseus embarks on a treacherous quest into the underworld to rescue Zeus, who has been targeted for capture by his traitorous son, Ares, and his brother, Hades.
Stars: Sam Worthington, Liam Neeson, Ralph Fiennes, Bill Nighy, Rosamund Pike, Edgar Ramirez, Danny Huston
Release Date: March 30th, 2012
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It seems as if Hansel & Gretel is yet another fairy tale to be bastardized by Hollywood, or is it? Earlier this year, a film entitled Snow White & the Huntsman was announced. It stars Kristen Stewart in the title role, and is a “re-imagining” of the story. In the original fairy tale, Snow White was to be taken to the Queen by a Huntsman, but in a nifty turn of events, the Huntsman actually becomes a “bodyguard” of sorts to Snow White and trains her to defeat the Queen. Where will the dwarves be? God, I really can’t wait to find out.
Regardless of my fetish for fighting dwarfs, Snow White & the Huntsman is another film in the long line of “Bad Career Choices for Stars of Twilight.” First it was Taylor Lautner in the dung-hole known as Abduction, and now this. An abomination to end all future fairy tale abominations.
Compared to that though, what’s the deal with Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters. No one in their right mind would finance this, but I shouldn’t say that so confidently (see: Year One, Van Helsing, and Superman IV: the Quest for Peace). Upon doing some more research, I discovered that it is in fact a satire of sorts, produced by Gary Sanchez productions, the collaborative effort of Will Ferrell and Adam McKay, as well as being directed by Tommy Wirkola, the half-man, half-genius behind the best Nazi-Zombie film ever made, Dead Snow. My sigh of relief was beginning to commence, especially when I learned that Jeremy Renner would be starring, until I read that Famke Janssen only took the role to pay off her mortgage.
The film itself follows our two favorite victims, Hansel & Gretel. It’s been 15 years since their “incident” involving a gingerbread house, and they’ve turned to the business of being bounty hunters, going after and killing witches all around the world.
The screenplay, which was penned by newcomer Dante Harper, didn’t really make me feel as nervous as it should. Take a look at Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil, for instance. An absolutely hilarious film that was written and directed by two first time filmmakers.
Honestly there are so many details and so much news coverage that’s going to either make me really want to see this movie, or boycott it, but until we see the trailer that’s being released on Thursday, we can’t make any judgments. All I’m asking is that we don’t have another repeat of Your Highness.
Oh, and Gemma Arterton will play Gretel…
Dylan Dog has long been an Italian comic book mainstay, selling over a millions issues a month. For 25 years he has been investigating the undead and wooing his female clients. The famous PI is now for the first time, being introduced to an American audience in a different medium. Dylan Dog: Dead of Night opened this weekend and stared Superman Brandon Routh as the detective. His comic book sidekick Groucho has been replaced however, as it was apparently not feasible to obtain the likeness rights from the Groucho Marx estate. Instead we see Detroit Rock City star Sam Huntington playing a recently Zombiefied sidekick named ‘Marcus’.
Dylan and Marcus get called onto a case to look into a murder (aka ‘Death by Werewolf) and Dylan see himself sucked back into a life he thought he’d left behind. The first half of the movie is like old school noir (with a supernatural twist obviously) film, complete with a narration from our protagonist. It was like an old Phillip Marlowe movie, our run down detective, convinced the world is going to Hell in a hand basket, and adverse to evolving. In other words, my kind of guy. So here we have a mystery and a focus. And this last for maybe 40 minutes. Then Hollywood kicks in and that focus gets a little lost. We trade in our narration and mystery for run of the mill Action/Comedy.
Granted the mystery is fairly easy to solve (especially for anyone who’s ever seen any old Detective movies), but it doesn’t matter since you’ve forgotten what the point is anyhow as you’re not wrapped up in the comedic parts. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed Sam Huntington’s struggles with his recent death and the problematic existence of being a zombie, but it just didn’t seem to fit the tone of the movie. It kind of reminded me of A.I. and how you could tell exactly where Kubrick left off and Spielberg picked up.
Now going in I had heard the movie compared to an extra long episode of Buffy, and I can see where those comparisons were drawn, but I don’t think it should be used as a knock. It was like Buffy in 2 ways…
1. In that people seemed oblivious to the existence of the supernatural around them, and that is was such second nature to Dylan. New Orleans in here is much like Sunnydale.
2. It felt like a TV show. Or rather that they were setting it up to be a TV show. It seems tailor-made to be a “Monster of the Week” type show. And one that I have to admit – I’d watch.
So the premise I really liked anyhow, but the execution…lacking. I like Brandon Routh, but this was not his best performance by any means. I’d be willing to overlook that however because he is likable, and he and Sam Huntington seem to play off each other well. I could watch a TV show based off of this, or even a sequel provided that they both return.
Kurt Angle and Peter Stormare both play werewolves, and Taye Diggs is a vampire. Angle’s werewolf looked like a mix between a Halloween mask and Teen-Wolf. Peter Stormare as always was over the top, but also not really in a good way. It wasn’t the strongest performance of his career. I blame the director and the screen writer though. The script needed the characters to keep telling us things that should’ve been clear, but weren’t. And the director seemed to rush all the non-action sequences…perhaps he should stick to video games. He certainly didn’t get the maximum out of his cast.
And the post production team – did you run out of money? It’s funny how you really only notice sound mixing when its bad. There were parts of the movie that actually looked VHS quality, and one scene wasn’t even the correct Aspect Ratio. The picture was all stretched out, like trying to watch a Full Screen DVD on a Wide-screen TV. My guess is they ran out of cash and had to just some footage they didn’t want to use as they couldn’t do re-shoots.
Now I know I’m doing a lot of complaining and nitpicking, but I’m just trying to be honest. All that said, I did actually enjoy the movie. Not great, but entertaining. And if they make a sequel (which I doubt as there were only 8 people in out theater) I’d watch it. The characters, though a little cliché, are enjoyable and could carry more stories if just carried out right.
Anyhow, over all – I’d give it 3 Bears based on the characters and premise alone. I recommend a DVD or Netflix watch on this bad boy…
Grizzly Bomb 