Grizzly Review: Act of Valor

The Navy SEALs have been dramatized in many movies over the last fifty years, but according to ex-SEALs, almost none of them got it right. So, when writers and directors Kurt Johnstad, Mike McCoy, and Scott Waugh were working on developing the most recent addition to the Navy SEAL filmography, Act of Valor, they realized that the only way to make the film correctly was to cast actual SEALs in the primary roles. That’s exactly what they did, and let me tell you, it’s pretty much a disaster.


Act of Valor features mostly nameless characters with absolutely no back story whatsoever. The names of the SEALs who, I guess, portray other SEALs, have been kept confidential for their own safety and the safety of their country. In short, Act of Valor has nothing resembling a plot, and it’s really not even a movie in the conventional sense of the word. There are a couple of intertwining stories, but overall, the whole thing is kind of just the SEALs going from mission to mission to mission taking orders and getting the job done.

When I say that Act of Valor isn’t really a movie, I simply mean that it’s really just a recruitment video stretched to feature length. I’m sure you’ve seen those Air Force commercials that have the transforming jet and the big load of bulls***? Yeah, well imagine that for 98 minutes, and you get an idea of how excruciating this movie is. To add to the propaganda-induced seizure that I was already having when I watched this movie, I was dawning on the realization that casting real life SEALs was an awful, awful idea. Actually, let me rephrase, I didn’t dawn on a realization, the realization dawned on me, and soon enough, it punched me in the face, because the acting in this movie is worse than a high school play. Granted, I realize that they’re not actors, blah, blah, but  for God’s sake did you have to cast the most inept-looking SEALs that you could find? I mean, honestly, I felt like the directors were just f***ing with us for a good laugh.

To add to the horror is the invading patriotism that just infected every orifice of my being when I was watching this. The film was partially produced by the Navy, so it’s obvious that the Americans are going to win, but I’ll be damned if this wasn’t the most artificial piece of realistic storytelling I’ve ever seen. Not only is the plot so obvious a toddler could figure it out, but Act of Valor is so concerned with being Pro-SEALs that it sacrifices anything involving a character dilemma, a twist, or even any real interest for the sake of being patriotic. The characters are more wooden than a picket fence, and they aren’t really even characters as much as they are little Call of Duty CG creations that refuse to have a personality.

As for the directing, remember all that innovative camerawork that we saw in the previews that made us want to go see the movie? Yeah, well, the shots seen are the only shots that are even worth looking at. The rest are either shaky enough to cause an epileptic to just give up and die, or they’re used once, and then again. And again. And again. And again, until what was once an interesting way to film something turns into a cheap gimmick that will make you tired of the film’s attempt at entertainment.

My last complaint is the score. It builds tension so artificially, making it impossible to be surprised by anything happening in the entire movie. I really felt like one of those test subjects sent in to watch a series of test videos to gauge how they would fare in the mainstream audience. Act of Valor is an oddly off-putting experience that just put a bad taste in my mouth. I feel like I’m going to get a lot of s*** for hating on this movie, but it’s true. Act of Valor is an action film that almost insults SEALs instead of commemorating them like it should. And the action isn’t even that good!

0/5 Bears

10 Minutes of Disney’s ‘John Carter’!

Disney is not messing around with it’s final big marketing push for their blockbuster hopeful John Carter, because now they’ve made what appears to be the first ten minutes of the sci-fi action flick available for all to see! Just don’t be expecting to see anything taking place on Mars or even a glimpse of any type of alien. But I have to say the creepy voice over at the end is worth it at the end. He made me very uncomfortable:

Not too shabby in my opinion. I think after seeing almost 20 minutes of the movie via various clips that have been released and all of the positive reviews thus far that John Carter is almost guaranteed to be a damn good movie not only for fans of the sci-fi genre, but even the casual movie goer as well. Disney is banking a lot on this high budget flick to spawn into a franchise and it definitely has a shot if it can draw out the moviegoers even with current box office champ The Lorax only going into it’s second weekend. The Lorax made $70 Million plus this weekend and is sure to still snag the family audiences away from John Carter and it’s PG 13 rating. Best of luck to him and all those four armed green fellas though!

Trailer Roundup: Piranha 3DD, Neighborhood Watch, Frankenweenie and More!

Piranha 3DD

Having awoken from their spring break extravaganza at Lake Victoria, the swarm heads upstream where they look to make a meal out of Big Wet, a local water park where when it comes to fun, nobody does it wetter! Thought they came to get wet, get loaded and get some, the staff and patrons get more than they bargained for when they must face the fiercest, most bloodthirsty piranhas yet.

Stars: 3D Boobs. Oh, and Danielle Panabaker, Chris Zylka, Katrina Bowden, Allison Mack, Ving Rhames, David Koechner, David Hasslehoff

Release Date: TBA 2012

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The 25 Most Anticipated Films of 2012

We seem to spend a lot of time talking about the various new mind-blowing movies that come out bigger and better every year. So we figured it was time to bring out the science again and put together a list of our 25 Most Anticipated Films of 2012.

Now we are only talking about the March-September slate of movies as some haven’t received official release dates yet, so keep that in mind.

Each member of the staff made a list. These lists will be compiled from a point system determined by votes from each member of the staff. It’s very scientific, we used Excel. Our resident cinephile joey123mo will take a look at each movie and outline why it made our list of Most Anticipated Films of 2012!

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Spartacus Season 2: Vengeance – Episode 6 “Chosen Path”

With many shows on the pay channels such as HBO and Starz, it’s very hard for them to follow up brilliant episodes with anything even close to the potential exhibited the week before. Spartacus this season, I have noticed, is the exception. Last weeks assault and basic massacre at the arena in Capua was nothing short of epic and Glaber’s murder of his wife’s father was a bold move for him to make. This week’s episode, though not as action packed as the last was just as good and even more so story wise.

Spartacus and his makeshift army are now based at the foot of Mount Vesuvius, holed up in a rundown temple awaiting the inevitable Roman counterstrike. As before, you at first believe the group of slaves to be united after such a morale boosting victory, but instead they are a bit divided as to what their next move should be and that morale is not helped by the nay-saying and dire warnings of Gannicus. At this point, Gannicus is somewhat of a beaten man despite being ex-champion and freed slave. He is now without his rudis, which is the wooden sword signifying his freedom, and needs it to prove that he is not a runaway slave. He also had words with Oenomaus who never really forgave him for what happened with Melitta and told him the truth of what a selfish and lost person he truly is. Even though we get to see an awesome clash between Spartacus and Gannicus, that is not the only reason he was brought back to the show. Gannicus is a great character who we will see in the coming episodes even after he has left what he sees as a futile cause against the Romans. We’ll see how he deals with the newest predicament next week when he returns to Capua to recover his rudis.

Probably one of the most interesting portions of this week’s episode would have to be that of Ashur, who proves that he is able to maneuver himself into a favored position with pretty much anyone through his deceit and double dealing. After sometime, if Ashur ever finally dies it’s going to be well deserved because he has basically crossed everyone on the show at this point. But I can’t help but love the character. The scene where Ashur proves that the escaped gladiators are worth three Roman soldiers was awesome and well choreographed. Ashur also proved the point to us, the viewers, that he is still in pretty damned good fighting condition. It had been since Gods of the Arena since we have seen him fight, (I don’t count the pitiful performance against Oenomaus in season 1) and he is clearly still quite the danger. And now he finds himself in the employ of Glaber himself, no longer needing the support of Lucretia which he points out in a most disturbing way in a certain scene. Ashur is tasked with putting together a group of killers to be utilized by Glaber as he sees fit and we are given a taste of this (albeit a disgusting one) by the end of the show.

The scene that I speak of is one that fully solidifies Glaber as the true villain of this story. Ashur and his newly formed squad of killers attack a villa and are shown brutally killing all of those inside including women and children. Then the last victim is shown to be Seppius who dies a prolonged death beneath the boot of Glaber who had offered an alliance earlier in the show. Glaber is seriously not f*cking around anymore. Anyone who crosses him at this point is expendable, dare I say even his wife Illythia. It was a fitting death for Seppius as I couldn’t see where else they might take his storyline, although his sister may still have a place as Glaber’s future wife once Illythia potentially outlives her usefulness.

This season is definitely heating up even further which I didn’t think was possible, but after two direct showdowns between Glaber and Spartacus they still have me clamoring for another tension filled showdown. And although I found Glaber as sort of an impotent villain in the previous season and episode it would seem that his wife definitely tipped the scales. Glaber is done with modesty and following the rules of honor. He is willing to kill those in his path to obtain an heir and maintain his position as praetor in the Republic. He is almost like the new Batiatus, a man whom he held nothing but disdain for but still practices his same methods of brutality and less than honorable actions. I can’t wait yet again for the next episode where we’ll see what Gannicus does with an offer from Lucretia and if Agron’s newly freed men from Neapolis complicate things in anyway for the group. I wasn’t a huge fan of the Naevia/Crixus story line even though it was a necessity. 4 out of 5 bears!

Star Wars – The Clone Wars Season 4, Episode 20 : ‘Bounty’ Review

At least the Clone Wars is providing us with some entertaining filler before the final two episodes of the season featuring Darth Maul. Last night’s episode ‘Bounty’ was rather excellent, featuring a new planet and a couple of species that I’ve never seen before. Not to mention the newest addition to the growing cast of bounty hunters. Not only do we get to see some of the soon to be veterans such as Bossk, Dengar and Boba Fett but also a couple of newcomers.

The episode follows Ventress after last weeks defeat and general annihilation of the Night Sisters on Dathomir by the Separatist forces of Count Dooku. It seems like Ventress is basically on a path to nowhere, perhaps letting the force lead her to her next point in life which in this episode happens to be on Tatooine where she runs afoul of Boba Fett and his motley crew of bounty hunters. After killing one of their number for the huge mistake of hitting on her, Ventress is sort of forced into joining their team for a job, even though I’m pretty sure that she could have killed them all in about ten seconds flat if she wanted to. And so begins the episode which is ultimately not linked to the storyline for next week’s episode but filled with plenty of action which was beautifully shot against the backdrop of a unique planet where all of the action takes place well below the surface.

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