All posts by M. Neumann

I like turtles.
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Countdown to Halloween #16: Poe’s ‘The Raven’

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Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore —
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
“‘Tis some visiter,” I muttered, “tapping at my chamber door —
Only this and nothing more.”

This was the poem that started it all.  In January of 1845, American writer Edgar Allan Poe published his narrative poem, The Raven.  The physical embodiment of the Raven has remained an eerie manifestation referenced in writing, film, television, and comics ever since.  For this reason, it deservingly sits at #16 on the Grizzly Bomb Countdown to Halloween.

Continue reading Countdown to Halloween #16: Poe’s ‘The Raven’ →

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Countdown to Halloween #27: Norman Bates

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What is the fascination with serial killers? Let’s be honest with ourselves. We put on a facade in public that serial killers are diabolical filth we do not wish to be fetishized. In actuality, if you are not directly involved in their schemes or one of their victims, you can’t help but hold a bit of intrigue for them. If you don’t believe me, then why is Showtime’s Dexter on its seventh season?

Continue reading Countdown to Halloween #27: Norman Bates →

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King’s Shining Sequel “Dr. Sleep” Out Sept. 2013

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“Wendy? Darling? Light, of my life. I’m not gonna hurt ya.”  Who here does not appreciate the sheer cinematic creepiness of Jack Nicholson in The Shining.

Stanley Kubrick really knocked that film adaptation out of the park, but let us not forget where the genius behind the Outlook Hotel came from. Stephen King published The Shining in 1977 and it quickly became his first hardback bestseller. It was then adapted to film in 1980 and has etched more than one memorable scene into our minds. I begrudgingly carry those images with me every time I stay in a hotel. Will there, or will there not be an enormous pool of blood that spills out of this elevator?

Dr. Sleep

So what if we could have more? King has recently set a date for a sequel to be released to the 1977 classic.  Dr. Sleep will be published on September 24th, 2013. The novel will follow an older Daniel Torrance who now uses his “Shining” to assist the elderly. Enter plot point. A gang of psychic vampires are feeding off of people’s energy, and are targeting those with “The Shining.”  This kid just can’t catch a break, now can he?

Ultimately, I have three questions for Mr. King;  Should he?  Would he?  Could he?

The first question I would like to ask is, “Was this necessary?”  35 years after the original novel, have their been screaming fans calling for more of the Torrance family?  This is one of the most eerie, suspenseful stories that I have ever seen beautifully adapted to film, but I can honestly say that I left feeling fulfilled.  No further part of me had even an inkling to see what else could come out of this story.  Jack, the maniac, was always destined to succumb to his vices.  He belonged there, and just as the final portrait shows, he has always been there.  It gives me chills just thinking about it.  So with a stern, “No.” I can honestly say this book did not need to be written.

Dr. Sleep

The question of would he is obvious.  He has!  For those of us that are still curious 36 years after the original, the book will be out next September.  When it comes to writing something this long after the original there are two schools of thought.  King has either spent thirty plus years crafting the perfect conclusion to a story we thought was over, or he is simply reminiscing on a past muse to find something to write about.  Regardless, it’s Stephen King.  The book will sell.

Here is my third and final question for Mr King.  Can you do it, sir?  Can you write a book 35 years after the original and still keep it fresh and exciting?  For this I say, “Yes.”  The reason being is that good writing is good writing.  I could be listening to the dumbest story, but if the person is a good story-teller, I will still be engaged.  This will always be applicable to good writers.  If you captivate the audience, they will keep reading those pages.  The audience sometimes fails to recognize that it is not their story!  It’s King’s.  He can do whatever he wants with it.  You are given the option to either acknowledge, or ignore.  I’ll probably chose to ignore.  I am more than satisfied with where The Shining has left me.  Jack is still frozen with that terrifying look on his face, and Scatman Crothers still has an ax buried in him.  All work and no play makes Stephen a dull boy.

Dr. Sleep

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Michael Bay’s Terrible New ‘Ninja Turtles’ Ideas

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First of all, how dare you? Soon after Michael Bay’s name was attached to a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles reboot, he proved he was not to be trusted. The working title of the projected May 2014 film is Ninja Turtles. By omitting the Teenage and Mutant, Bay has opened up the floodgates to his outlandish, ill-received changes. Earlier this year, he revealed the turtles will no longer be mutants. Rather, they will be aliens. Though alien inhabitants became an integral part of the comic book series, making the turtles aliens will destroy one of the key factors that made them so special.

Dave Rapoza’s awesome take on the lineage…

Recently reported on IGN, several released script ideas have only fueled the flames of fury among true TMNT fanatics. Though the turtles are no longer teens, April O’neil and Casey Jones are, except they are exs. What? Why? I am assuming that means April will no longer be the beloved news reporter that connected the turtles to the world they felt distanced from. I can only imagine how obnoxious Jones would be as a teenager. Jones as a teenager makes me think of some disrespectful, loitering punks I forgot to punch outside of a local convenience store.

With this script, Bay would be removing two key factors that made the turtles relatable to their younger audience. The turtles we grew up with were mutated teenagers dejected from the world. That sounds like every insecure adolescent I have ever come in to contact with. So how else can Bay manipulate our beloved story line until it is unrecognizable? Did I tell you that Master Splinter is completely missing from the draft? Of course he is. What significance did he ever have anyway, right?

Just to make sure that this is a Bay specific story, he made some other minor tweaks. Shredder will no longer be Shredder. That would be ridiculous to call the villain Shredder. Instead, he will be Colonel Shreadder. Not different enough for you? Okay. To make sure this is a Bay creation all of its own the Foot Clan will be replaced with a Special Forces unit under Colonel Shreadder. You just can’t trust the military, can you?

I can see the trend here. Bay has flooded his films with big boom box office bait, and now he wants to prove he is capable of making something more significant. May I preface this next rant by saying, “You will never be Christopher Nolan.” Now to put it into context. Batman shall remain one of the greatest American heroes ever created. Though the comic book creation and a stint of the 1960s were the epitome of camp, the character has an appealing dark theme that is not only relevant to adults and children alike, but society as a whole. Nolan has completed an amazing trilogy using one of the greatest heroes ever created. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles however, shall always be considered camp. I lovingly refer to it as camp, but it is nothing more than marketable camp. You cannot honestly tell me that Robert Van Winkle jiggling around on stage while the turtles destroy some Foot Clan is ground breaking cinema. Due to an oddball concept of four cartoon turtles with ninja weapons and a story that closely emulates the Daredevil franchise, Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird created gold that I will forever enjoy. So keep your filthy hands off!

These egregious additions to the script are only a draft. If we’re lucky, they’ll never see the light of day. Cowabunga, dude!

TV

Get Ready for ‘American Horror Story: Asylum’

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Would it be too bold to say that American Horror Story gave us some of the most entertaining horror we have ever seen on television? With 17 Emmy nominations, I feel it’s an appropriate statement. However, this is the same show in which a man was murdered and then sodomized with a fire poker. That isn’t exactly water cooler talk for the next day at the office, now is it? So where did these nominations come from, and how did it earn such a broad fan base?  It’s likely because AHS is such a strong representation of the entire horror genre, and that’s been recognized. The first season ended in December, and since then fans have anxiously awaited their horrific thirsts to be quenched, and now we finally have a date to look forward to. Season two is scheduled to premier on October 17th at 10/9c.

Season one got our attention with its devilish, mysterious nature. To sum it up, great writing that was shot well forced even those that hate the genre to not only engage in the program, but enjoy it. I myself am a self-proclaimed fanatic of horror so I find it interesting how often I have heard people say, “I hate horror movies, but I love that show.”

So what was it that you loved about season one? Was it a guilty pleasure? Did it have something to do with young Moira portrayed by Alexandra Breckenridge? Did the Friday Night Lights fans need some more of Coach’s wife Connie Britton? Maybe you just loved the classic struggles of the Harmons and all their foibles. If you can’t wait to see what happens to our beloved ghostly Harmon family, prepare for a blatant, and somewhat obvious spoiler. Season two, appropriately titled American Horror Story: Asylum, is set in a new location with few returning cast members. When starting from scratch, it is hard to assess how the new season will stack up. What do you say we try anyways?

From what has been reported, these rumors could very well be spoilers.

Season 2 takes place during the 1960s in a New England Mental Hospital called Briarcliff. The Hospital is run by returning actress Jessica Lange as Sister Jude. Given her expected intimate relationship with new cast member Joseph Fiennes, I suppose it is uncertain if she is truly devote. When I see a nun in a mental hospital, I can’t help but think of the forced conception of Freddy Kruger. Anyone else? No? Okay, so I may have watched The Nightmare on Elm Street franchise too many times.

Without the return of iconic figures such as Rubberman, the canvas is fresh for new terrors. So say hello and welcome to, “BloodyFace.” With origins unknown we know he/she/it is a murderous psychopath who has an affection for wearing human skin. Other expected plot points will reflect upon aliens, and Nazis.

Other new cast members include James Cromwell, Chloë Sevigny, Franka Potente, Clea Duvall, and Adam Levine. Yes, that Adam Levine. Apparently he was capable of putting the button down for a while on The Voice so he could become part of the on camera couple known as, “The Lovers.”

We certainly have more information this time around then the first season marketing campaign gave. Was this necessary to gain viewership again? Are we still going to be blown away with what is revealed? I would think so considering the trailers serve more to keep me awake at night rather than tell me anything too specific. There are now eleven teaser trailers of different names to spark as much intrigue as possible. (1) Special Delivery, (2) Blue Coat, (3) Hydrobath, (4) White Rose, (5) Ascend, (6) Glass Prison, (7) The Bucket, (8) White Rave, (9) Taste, (10) Bandages, and (11) Fork. All 11 are available HERE.

My expectation is that we have much to look forward to out of season 2. Returning cast members Jessica Lange, Zachary Quinto, Lily Rabe, and Evan Peters, with returning writers such as Brad Fulchuk and Ryan Murphy means continued chemistry. Murphy harnessed what terrifies him most, and transferred that fear to another medium for us to fear as well. I didn’t previously have a particular fear of aliens, nuns, or Nazis. That being said, we weren’t terrified to go into the water until after we saw Jaws for the first time.

Now for a brief moment of speculation: Co creators Brad Falchuk and Ryan Murphy have already stated that each season would belong to a non related anthology. However, one of my favorite things about anthologies is their potential for connection. Rarely do I find something more satisfying than when multiple stories intertwine to develop a grander plot. Is there a possibility Briarcliff will hold connection to our beloved “Murder House” from season one? Though the co creators have clearly stated, “No.” I would still love to think so.

Movie News & Opinions

#21 – Countdown to Christmas: SANTA’S SLAY

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When is the best time of year to watch a great slasher flick?  Perhaps you’re thinking about October, near Halloween. Maybe a Friday the 13th lands during the month and you need some Voorhees in your life. But I hope you haven’t forgotten about one of the best seasons of all.  I’m talking about ‘Holiday Horror’.  If you like Gremlins, then you like holiday horror.  Or maybe you saw Fast Times at Ridgemont High, and loved anything with Phoebe Cates ever since.  I don’t blame you.

Wether you spin dreidels, or hang stockings, holiday horror flicks are a delightful treat that enhance the truly horrific qualities of our favorite holidays.  It is the most wonderful time of the year, so why not incorporate some gratuitous violence with your yule tide cheer?  For a fantastic example, check out Santa’s Slay starring none other than WCW wrestling superstar Bill Goldberg. (Just so all you Wrestlemaniacs are well aware, he does throw his signature move, “The Spear.”)  This all-star line up also includes James Cann, Chris Kattan, Fran Drescher, and Rebecca Gayheart.  Oh wait, never mind.  They all get axed within the first four minutes.  This is a true sign of slasher genius.

The plot revolves around Nicholas Yuleson (Douglas Smith).  A young teen struggling through the holidays with his bah humbug grandfather.  Luckily he has his girlfriend Mary (Emilie de Ravin of “Lost”) by his side.  The plot may have borrowed some ideas from the Rosemary’s Baby playbook.  The film shows us there have been two immaculate conceptions.  God and the Virgin Mary giving birth to Jesus Christ, and Satan with the Virgin Erika giving birth to none other than Santa.  See what they did there?  They switched the position of the “n”.

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