Yearly Archives: 2012

GAMING

Tomb Raider: E3 2012 Trailer Impressions

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Before we get to anything Tomb Raider, I wanna take a second to apologize for not giving you a sneak peek of this article two hours before putting it up. It’s completely on me. In order to atone for my mistake, I shall perform a Japanese ritualistic suicide known as seppuku to myself. No, I won’t post pictures; I can, however, describe the scene. Imagine a fat ass teenager cutting his stomach open with all of his intestines oozing out, dying a slow, painful death. Yea, let’s just pretend that actually happened and get this over with. Let’s move on to what you clicked on the article for – my impressions. Here’s the trailer, in case you haven’t seen it yet.

First and foremost, we’re finally getting a release date for this game. This game will hit store shelves in March, 2013. That is a good 8 months away from now. Given how many blockbusters are coming out in fall (such as Hitman, or the 9 millionth Call of Duty game), it seems to be a logical move for Square Enix to push this game to the next fiscal quarter and give Crystal Dynamics more time to polish this game.

Assuming the world doesn’t end in 2012

As I mentioned last time, the game is looking great. This time, we get to see a greater variety of environments and weathers, ranging from dark, gloomy caves, to large, open forests.

This time round, we finally get to watch some more gameplay. Lara Croft can be seen wielding a bow in the picture above, which she would use to kill the deer.

Pictured above: A non-PETA member doing something very anti-PETA

Soon after, Lara can be seen cooking what I would presume to be deer meat. This leads me to wonder if there will be some sort of hunting feature in the game, similar to Metal Gear Solid 3.

Pictured above: A non-PETA member cooking some very anti-PETA food

We also get to see a bunch of cutscenes which I would assume to have incoporated a series of quick time events. The first of such occassion is the wolf attack, and the second being the rape attempt. Personally, I’m not digging these button-smashing features. They cause frustrations, and lead to a decrease in intellectual levels. Furthermore, you know it’s an overused gimmick when you see it in a racing game.

Pictured above: A non-PETA member protecting herself from a PETA-endorsed individual

Men think with their dicks. FACT!

In one  of the cutscenes, Lara Croft communicates with some of her allies. This begs a question: will there be a companion system of some sort? It makes sense for Lara to stick with her pals since they are in the wild, fighting off some people with guns while waiting for help. Interesting…

There is also a sequence later in the trailer which shows Lara sneaking around a burning site (until a guy tries to rape her, as mentioned above). Stealth seems to play a role in the game, and staying quiet and unseen might be important in the game. After all, Lara is stranded on a deserted island, where ammunition sources should be scarce. Plus, it doesn’t help that she’s going up against trained mercenaries.

In addition to the bow and arrows, Lara can also use pistols. The sequence shows her drawing her sidearm in slow-mo and fire a few rounds into the bad guys.

I thought only alcoholic pill-heads can slow down time

There are also melee combats, but we could only catch a glimpse of them. I actually feel there is a good amount of potential in this aspect of the combat system, since she is in the wild and should be able to use whatever nature throws at her. For example, she could try combining a huge rock and a tree branch to make a hammer. I can’t tell if there will be such a mechanic in place from this still.

Last, but not least, we also get to see some platformer action. Nothing much can be told at this moment, except that they seem to require some reflexes. Duh.

I’m disappointed with the complete lack of puzzle-solving in the trailer. I sincerely hope we can see more of that in E3. From what I’ve seen so far, the game is capturing that “fight for survival” tone pretty well. This is certainly looking promising thus far. And before you ask, yes, Tomb Raider will totally piss PETA off, which is a major plus in my book.

Movie News & Opinions

The REAL Reason “GI Joe: Retaliation” Was Delayed

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Claiming that they needed to spend nine months to add 3D, a lot of people called BS on Paramount, and for good reason, too. I mean, come on, give me a break. Nine months to add 3D? Really? That’s a two or three month job at the most. I understand that most of the summer release spots were taken, but why not just release it in the fall?

CinemaBlend has the entire scoop, and instead of just rewriting it less eloquently for fear of committing plagiarism (and a general lack of motivation on my part), I’ll post what they had on their article regarding GI Joe: Retaliation:

“Paramount decided to shift G.I. Joe: Retaliation to next winter and the reason is because the studio wasn’t confident that the movie could compete with Marc Webb’s The Amazing Spider-Man. Set to be released on July 3rd, webhead would have only given G.I. Joe five days, at most. at the top of the box office, and many anticipate that the success of The Avengers will translate to greater success for all superhero movies, including our friendly neighborhood webslinger. Also helping out box office numbers next year will be the added 3D, which should pad Paramount’s international numbers quite nicely.

But the other reason for the move is Mr. Channing Tatum. Watching the trailers for G.I. Joe: Retaliation, it’s pretty clear that Tatum, who played Duke in G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, bites the big one early in the film. With 21 Jump Street and The Vow performing as well as they did, however, the studio is thinking that killing Tatum off wasn’t the best idea in the world. It’s expected that in the next nine months Tatum will be brought in for re-shoots so that they can expand his part – which is a clean way of saying that he could be resurrected.”

This is both interesting and disappointing. Initially I loved the bold choice to kill of Tatum in the first act. Then again, considering both Bruce Willis AND The Rock are in this movie, bringing Channing Tatum back for a third act showdown might not be such a bad idea, but it’s just too predictable. I understand the attempt to make as much money as possible, but if you’re going to make a move as ballsy as that, at least have the nerve to stick through with it until the end.

And just because…

Movie Trailers

New Trailers: The Bourne Legacy

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The Bourne Legacy. Where should I start? Should I start with how this is a movie that doesn’t feature much of Jason Bourne? Or should I start with Matt Damon’s lack of involvement? Or maybe how the main protagonist isn’t even named Jason Bourne? I don’t know.  You might as well as name the NBA in Utah ‘the Jazz’. Oh wait, they do.  Universal Pictures probably kept “Bourne” in the title so mindless viewers like me can immediately tell the movie is set in the same universe.

After the events in The Bourne Ultimatum, CIA has decided to shut down “Operation Outcome”, the successor to the program that created Jason Bourne. The story of The Bourne Legacy revolves around Aaron Cross (Jeremy Renner), a product of “Operation Outcome”, and Stephanie Snyder (Rachel Weisz), one of the scientists involved in the operation. There is also this CIA agent named Byer (Edward Norton) who wants to kill the two protagonists. If you manage to notice how my version of the synopsis bears a striking resemblance to that of Wikipedia, please keep it to yourself.

Unlike, the first trailer, which is much more plot-oriented, the second trailer places its focus on the action sequences. We also get to see Joan Allen and David Strathairn reprising their roles as Pamela Landy and Noah Vosen, as well as Albert Finney returning as Dr. Albert Hirsch. Interestingly, Jason Bourne’s still can be seen on the news in the trailer.

A part of the movie will be set in the Philippines.

The Bourne Legacy without Jason Bourne is directed by Tony Gilroy, the screenwriter of  The Bourne movie series. It is projected for a release date of August 3rd this year.

Movie Trailers

Les Misérables: Trailer and Set Photos!

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As a fan of Les Misérables, I am pleased to present this news. The newest movie adaptation of this prestigious musical will be releasing in theaters this year. I have very high hopes that this star-studded cast will do their best to keep it authentic and pure of Hollywood garbage.

Les Misérables is a tale of much passion. In fact, each song from this stage musical has a story, and within each story there is a different very powerful emotion expressed. Here is the official synopsis from Collider.com:

Set against the backdrop of 19th-century France, Les Misérables tells an enthralling story of broken dreams and unrequited love, passion, sacrifice and redemption–a timeless testament to the survival of the human spirit. Jackman plays ex-prisoner Jean Valjean, hunted for decades by the ruthless policeman Javert (Crowe) after he breaks parole. When Valjean agrees to care for factory worker Fantine’s (Hathaway) young daughter, Cosette, their lives change forever.

The two characters most intriguing to me are Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean and Anne Hathaway as Fantine. I cannot wait to see what they bring to the characters. I will say this, though… if Hathaway bastardizes ‘I Dreamed a Dream’, I will not rest until her career is halted for eternity. She sounds beautiful in the trailer, but we shall see.

Take a look at the trailer:

Les Misérables will be released on December 14, 2012.

Movie News & Opinions

‘Django Unchained’ Update: New Pictures…

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Quentin Tarantino is back again with yet another scrappy yet captivating ode to genre cinema of years past, this time with his love letter to westerns, Django Unchained. After previously tackling the “Macaroni Combat” genre of WW2 films with Inglorious Basterds, he’s gone to the opposite end of old italian cinema and is diving headfirst into bringing his own personal spaghetti western for all of us. The plot is fairly simple and by the numbers: Slave gets freed by bounty hunter, bounty hunter teaches a slave to bounty hunt, slave vows to find his wife who is being held at a sadistic slave ranch, BUT slave ranch holds slave battles ran Thunderdome style by cruel slave owner! Will he get her back? You know, the usual sort of stuff you see in every western.

Great, but how do I get this shot of the gun to be an ‘homage”?

If it wasn’t apparent, the cast is typical Quentin Tarantino “Weird-at-first-but-actually-works.” style casting, with Jamie Foxx as the titular Django, Christoph Waltz as the bounty hunter, and Leonardo DiCaprio as the slave ranch owner, who is named, no kidding, Calvin Candy. That slave ranch? Candyland.

No wives until you escape the chocolate swamp!

Overall I’m excited for the movie, because westerns are great, and spaghetti westerns are always something special. It stands to reason that QT seems intent on trying really really hard to emulate Sergio Leone with his last few movies, and whether or not he’ll be successful is really up to how the whole thing comes together. I’mma homage you so hard… I’mma homage you so hard… Inglorious Basterds, while entertaining, was a movie that was definitely less than the sum of its parts, but its opening scene was classic Leone emulation, right down to the fitting Morricone soundtrack. Granted it’s easy to make anything seem epic and grandiose with that man’s score, but it was one solid, perfect nugget of gold in that movie that absolutely worked perfectly. If Django Unchained can be a whole movie like that scene, it’ll become one of the very best modern westerns of all time, if not though… well we’ll see. Who am I kidding, I know come December 25, I’ll be heading to see it with Christmas cash in tow.
I’mma homage you so hard…