Everyone wants their last words to be memorable. This is the same for screenwriters. If the movie ends with a great last line, it tends to be more memorable and leave you with a feeling of “that was clever”. While re-watching Almost Famous recently for the millionth time, I chuckled out loud to myself as Russell Hammond says to William: “and you can tell Rolling Stone my last words were… I’M ON DRUGS!” William yells to him: “Russell… I think we should work on those last words”.
This is my list of the 25 greatest closing movie lines of all time.
I would love, love, LOOOOOOOVE to have read A Dance of Dragons early, because it’s been pure torture waiting the last few years for George R.R. Martin’s 5th installment of A Song of Ice and Fire to be released. (That’s the name of the series that the HBO watchers would call a Game of Thrones.) But I have to tell ya, I’m not willing to risk a decapitation for it because that’s what the main man himself has promised to the bastard who sold 180 copies earlier than the July 12th release date of the novel. Check it out below from IGN:
Woe to the Amazon employee who accidentally shipped copies of George R. R. Martin’s 5th book in the Song of Ice and Fire series, A Dance with Dragons, early. 180 copies of the book, which was heavily embargoed until its release date on July 12th, were prematurely shipped out to readers by Amazon in Germany and now spoilers have begun to pop up all over the web.
“I am not happy about this. My publishers are furious. If we find out who is responsible, we will mount his head on a spike,” the Game of Thrones author wrote on his blog.
That’s just great. Now I have to tread very carefully until the 12th because there are 180 potential assholes out there who could spoil what happens in the book. I won’t even be reading the comments on my own article for fear of it being blown wide open for me! But be careful viewers of the TV show before you read on, because I’m unleashing a couple spoilers of my own below!
You’ve been warned!
SPOILERS
See what happens Stark! You see what happens when you release a book early!?
After the last book, A Feast for Crows, we are finally back with some of our more favorite characters. It was nice to see Jaime and Cersei Lannisters’ points of view but I’ll take Arya, Tyrion and Jon Snow any day. Daenerys I don’t mind, but I don’t find her as interesting as the others. We’ll be seeing her for sure as she practices at being Queen in Mereen as well as the development of her three dragons who continue to grow. Tyrion is off across the Narrow Sea to escape the vengeance of his sister Cersei due to his “supposed” killing of Joffrey and his bad ass murder of papa Tywin. Arya now in Bravoss continues her training with the assassins known as the Faceless Men and Jon is now trying to secure his position as the 998th Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch against those who still bear him ill will.
I can’t wait to finally see what is happening with everyone and will definitely be waiting for July 12th because Mr. Martin looks like he could have the penchant for going medieval on your ass.
Ever wondered what a roasted turd might smell like? Well then look no further (if you have smell-o-vision) than Comedy Central’s next celebrity roast of the tiger blooded blow-hard Charlie Sheen. Yes the coked out former Two and A Half Men star will be joining the ranks of losers class acts including William Shatner, David Hasselhoff and Flavor Flav as people that some of the funniest comedians in the business lambast with plenty of crude jokes.
The Charlie Sheen Roast will air the same night as Ashton Kutcher’s debut on the long-delayed and Sheen-less Two and a Half Men! Take that you earthworms! The Vatican Warlock Assassin just owned you for all time. Seriously though, Two and a Half Men will still be watched by more people than the roast will, but I’m sure those true Sheen followers (Good God is there such a thing?) will tune in to watch their savior deploy his ordinance after he is made a joke of by the likes of Jeff Ross and Lisa Lampanelli. The Sheen has produced enough ammo for them in the past year that they could probably make the roast last three hours to our pure enjoyment. Stay tuned for some highlights of that laugh bombardment.
At this point a lot of us may be feeling burned out on horror movies. They’ve either been rebooted already by example of Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th and Halloween. And a few have already been given a couple sequels to those reboots. One in particular, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre has two installments thus far since being rebooted in 2003, one of them being the terrible waste of time and material TCM: The Beginning. I would have walked out of that snoozer if I hadn’t paid $8.50 for it. Now starting in June, the cameras will start rolling on the newest TCM in 3D. Honestly, comment below on how surprised you are about this movie being 3D.
I wouldn’t mind seeing Jessica Biel in 3D like that
This movie however, seems to be a sequel to the 1973 original and picking up where it left off according to producer Carl Mazzocone at an article up at IGN:
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Said Paseornek of the project, “This is a franchise with such enduring opportunity, and Nu Image is the perfect partner with which to realize that opportunity.” Adds Constantine, “We have had much success in working with Nu Image to revitalize existing genres or characters – from The Expendables, which was our highest grossing film ever, to this Summer’s Conan The Barbarian 3D. We’re thrilled that Carl Mazzocone has chosen us to help him carry out his vision for this great property. It feels very much like home to be again collaborating with Mark Burg after all of our shared successes with the Saw films.”
“I’m excited to re-conceive this iconic horror classic in a contemporary setting for a new generation of horror fans to enjoy,” said producer Mazzocone. “Our story picks up where the original left off. Both John Luessenhop and I intend to deliver a new chapter derived from Tobe Hooper’s 1973 masterpiece with the goal of making it as horrifying as the original — in 3D!”
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Man I hope this doesn’t mean that they all ignoring everything that happened in Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, because that movie was sooooo brilliant. Check out some clips below starring an excellent Matthew McConaughey:
If you haven’t figured it out, I was kidding. That movie was a bonafide piece o’ shit. Seriously, they had Leatherface running around dressed like a woman! Epic fail! So I’m not sure what to expect from the newest bout of Chainsaw killing fun, but I hope it creeps the hell out of me like the 2003 remake did. Anyone have any thoughts or even care that another is coming our way? Comment below about it, or how much you loved those McConaughey clips!
*UPDATE!*
We now have a release date for our next 3D horror crap fest. Check it out below from IGN:
Speaking back in May when the project was originally announced, producer Carl Mazzocone said, “I’m excited to reconceive this iconic horror classic in a contemporary setting for a new generation of horror fans to enjoy.
“Both John Luessenhop and I intend to deliver a new chapter derived from Tobe Hooper’s 1973 masterpiece with the goal of making it as horrifying as the original, in 3D.”
Directed by John Lussenhop, the film will open three weeks before Halloween 3D is scheduled for release (October 26).
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By no means do I hope the movie is a crap fest, I’m all for horror movies; even the remakes. I’m just a little sick of the 3D as I’m sure many people are. It just doesn’t work for me in 3D. It didn’t work for Friday the 13th 3D way back when and it won’t now. I’m just excited for two horror icons having movies out in the same month next year! Let’s get that Elm Street sequel that same October too and we’ll see who’s the better killer! (Box office wise anyways.)
So I don’t know about your local radio market, but here in the bay area there is absolutely nothing worth listening too. The sport shows are down right embarrassing despite the fact of having the most professional teams and relevant college teams in the area to talk about, and all the other morning shows are just annoying. You have two gay guys screaming how everything is FABULOUS, Sarah and Vinnie who manage to screw up every news topic they discuss when they take a break from talking about shit nobody cares about (can someone please explain to me how the hell Sarah has been able to stay on the radio for so long??), and then you have a syndicated show from LA which is stale and LOVES the whacky, zany fake phone call bits. So rather than switch to iPod and Pandora for my commutes to work, I was able to find something worth listening to via podcast.
The show is called “The Woody and Rizzuto Show” and it is based out of St. Louis, Missouri. The show is on the local FM dial on 105.7, and runs from 6am till 10am Central Time. The show consists of 3 guys, the hosts Woody and Scott Rizzuto, and their producer Tony Patrico (aka Fatty). The show, in short, is basically about breaking balls and having fun (mostly at the expense of their producer). The target audience for the show is the 18-35 year old males, but is shockingly picking up a strong following of female and 35+ listeners as well.
In addition to daily news, sports, and celebrity news, the show also has standard weekly segments that consists of the following:
Tuesdays:Freak of the Week and Got Game with Steve “Manballs” Masters. Freak of the Week, is a segment where they bring in a local St. Louis celebrity, Fred from the ‘Cheapo Depot’, to read local Craigslist ads that they found, and have the listeners vote on which one is the freaky-est. While this segment is certainly one of their best, it pretty much makes any desire to visit the city nonexistent. While the ads themselves could carry this segment, listening to the old man reading them makes it priceless. The Got Game segment is all about what’s new with video games, and allows for callers to ask questions of Manballs Masters about upcoming releases or their systems.
Wednesdays:Bitch be Trippin. This segment is where they not only read stories of women doing crazy, stupid stuff, but they also open the phone lines up to allow listeners to call out the women in their lives who do and say stupid stuff.
Thursdays: Sexy Time Fun Facts. This is where they bring up a different sex topic, usually based on a recent survey (i.e. what age did you lose your virginity) and discuss the findings and get input/stories concerning the topic from listeners.
Friday:Fail Stories and Donnie’s Week in Rage. The fail stories segment consists of reading stories where people came up with the perfect plan, the best idea, but when it came time to perform…..FAIL. The best is listening to the listener fail stories when they do call in with them. And finally there is the Week in Rage. This segment is where the guys give the mid-morning host, Donnie Fandango, his own segment to let loose on rant about all the things bugging him from the week. It’s a lot like the old Lewis Black ‘Back in Black’ segment, that used to air on the Daily Show. Definitely one of the bests segments on the show.
The other day, Paramount released new footage from the film Super 8. This scene found its way into the final cut of the film, but was pared down on the cutting room floor. In this extended clip, we see the main cast in their local 7-11 talking about the zombie film Charles (Riley Griffiths) is attempting to make. The clip really shows, at length, the stalker-type obsession Joe (Joel Courtney) has for Alice (Elle Fanning). He even wants to know what book she was reading in the silent reading section of the library; no doubt so he could read it feverishly before they set out to film at the train station and just happen to strike up a conversation with her about it. Ah, kids. Anyway, you can see the clip here.
Cool. My first and only thought about this clip: who the hell cares, really? I was hoping, when I heard of the unseen footage, that I would get something redeemable about this movie. Something that would make me feel better about shelling out ten bucks to see it. Something that would make me say, “Well, it was a good movie, they just cut out the wrong bits.” Sorry, folks, that is not the case.
Here’s the thing with Super 8 – it had such good intentions. Mystery. Intrigue. Steven Spielberg’s stamp of approval. Even halfway into the movie, I liked it. It had a cinematic feel reminiscent of old school Spielberg; kind of like a cross between Close Encounters of the Third Kind and The Goonies. And then the pilot took a hard nose dive which never corrected itself, and the story careened out of control until it finally burst into flames right before the end credits. It was so bad, I wanted to go back in time after the movie to an hour prior, to tell the me that hadn’t finished the movie to leave, and go get some Dairy Queen to salvage the evening.
The problem with Super 8 is the problem that many movies have nowadays with advanced graphics and CGI – as soon as you see the monster, you’re done for. Why was Jaws so brilliant? Because you never saw the shark. You knew it was there. You saw the terror it left in its wake. You heard the eerie music. But you didn’t actually see the shark. Years later, Spielberg admitted that he only did this because the shark didn’t look right. Technology had not advanced far enough to satisfy him. Little did he realize at the time, but because of his perfectionism and attention to detail, he created a cinematic feature that drove the film. Audiences were terrified of what they could not see.
This begs a very scary question, though: If Jaws were made today, and the shark could look just right, would it have been another box office bomb?
I haven’t been this let down in years. Remember the movie Signs? Back when M. Night Shyamalan wasn’t Hollywood’s laughingstock? He had just come off The Sixth Sense and Unbreakable, two great films. I went into Signs thinking history would repeat itself, and I would be treated to another twisting and weaving plot that would hook me at the end. Instead, you know what I got? Really dumb aliens. And not just any aliens – aliens that were killed by water. Never mind that they had been traipsing around a planet whose atmosphere is riddled with water vapor. What if it had rained? All that terror, all that paranoia, could have been wiped out by a cool spring shower. Clever writing, that was. It just goes to show, if you don’t have a strong ending, you don’t have a strong movie.
So, seeing the monster killed it for me. But what really beat the dead horse (as in, it was already killed, yet they kept trying to kill it) was when they gave the alien feelings. Of course. A monster that has been killing maliciously for days can be talked down by a thirteen year old kid. Makes total sense.
The Labyrinth was a more believable movie than this. Maybe they should have cast David Bowie. So, better late than never, I rate this film with 2 bears. And the second bear isn’t even full-grown, it’s still just a little bear.
Grizzly Bomb 