March 5th, 2013 might just go down in history as the day the internet experienced a schism. The line has been drawn in the sand and the people of the internet have taken sides. In one corner, the fans of whiny “my daddy paid a lot of money and now I’m a star and deserve to win all the prizes” Taylor Swift, and in the other corner, the incredibly talented and witty and good looking fans of two women who possess similar qualities, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler.
What has prompted this bad blood between the factions? Well, let’s head back a few months to the night that the aforementioned Tina Fey and Amy Poehler hosted the Golden Globes.
In case you needed a reminder, Taylor Swift lost to Adele and wasn’t too thrilled about it. See, Ms. Swift is not used to not winning and it took her a minute to process this new sensation. Not only that but she was the butt of a joke. Did you catch that? She, Taylor Swift musical princess, was the butt of a joke. So, you can sympathize that she had a rough night. There have been many times I’ve been the butt of a joke that I’ve had to take to my bed for days so the fact that sweet Taylor was able to sit there, fighting through the pain like a brave soldier, is inspiring.
The joke? Tina Fey and Amy Poehler had the audacity to comment on Taylor’s very public dating life. Here’s the thing, the image put out (that word choice will be funnier in a minute) by Swift and her people is that Taylor’s a bit of a ho. Okay, maybe not a ho ho, maybe the Disney princess version of a ho, but she does seem to get around. Weirdly, she seems to have a thing for Nickelodeon boy band types, and she’s gone through her fair share of them.
Now, before everyone gets all up in arms about how “I DON’T KNOW HER LYFE!!1!!”, you are right. I don’t, and neither does Tina Fey or Amy Poehler, but a big part of the whole celebrity thing is, the public only has what you put out to go off of and that is what Fey and Poehler made a joke about.
So joke is made, two months pass, Adele wins an Oscar, all is forgotten. Except it isn’t. Apparently, Taylor Swift has some inside knowledge on the afterlives of our favorite funny girls. Brace yourself, for this is some deep stuff right here.
I missed the press release but apparently Taylor Swift is now the voice of today’s feminists. Our new anthem is now one of many of Taylor Swift’s empowering songs about either a.) wanting to date a boy b.) being broken hearted because said boy has left or c.) wishing all types of ill will upon boy’s new girlfriend.
Yes, this is exactly who should lead a new generation of women. This is the voice they should be following.
Or… and I’m just spitballing here, they could turn instead to someone like Amy Poehler whose YouTube channel, Smart Girls at the Party, is filled with empowering things for young women as opposed to pining over a boy.
That’s right, Amy Poehler has an entire YouTube channel geared towards advice for girls that goes beyond how to properly cry over a “lost love”. Not only that, when she heard about where she will spend all eternity?
That is how you respond to someone saying something badly about you. Tina Fey? The same Tina Fey who has been very active in women’s rights issues? Who wrote an entire movie about bullying? She pretty much said what everyone else is thinking.
A joke. Of course there are some who thinks it’s hypocritical for Fey to make Mean Girls and then joke about Taylor Swift. Does this new Taylor Swift version of feminism mean that we aren’t allowed to make comments about another women ever? In addition to the joke about Michael J. Fox’s son, they also said that maybe Swift take some time to focus on herself, advice pretty much every 23 year old needs to hear. Especially a 23 year old that still has an “I’m Rick James bitch!” attitude.
I think we can go ahead and call this internet battle over. It has been won. Surely there’s a Harry Potter vs. Twilight argument out there that hasn’t been hashed out yet.
Best part of the entire situation? Somewhere Katie Couric is sitting at a desk wondering, “how the hell did I get roped into all this?”
If you care to get a glimpse of what the “other side” is saying, check out this collection of tweets Uproxx put together after the Golden Globes. A preview of the eloquence: