All posts by Adam Popovich

I once shot a man named JR. Incidentally it was in Reno, but it wasn't frivolous, it was for many deeply personal, guarded reasons I shall not share.
SPORTS

WWE Monday Night Raw Recap & Review: 6/4/12

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We open with a really over the top dramatic recap of last weeks raw, complete with wailing middle eastern music, showing Big Show further emphasizing his new heel turn, as he beats on fan favorites Santino and Zack Ryder. Big Show is exactly the kind of heel I like, and its been a long time since he’s been the unstoppable big monster character. Most importantly, his motivations, while simple, make sense, are consistent, and it’s fun to watch him really be the big bad he should be. Mark Henry does this sometimes, until he suddenly decides not to, and fades away into the ether for a month or so. Michael Cole comes out, and summons John Cena to the ring, (I mean, not literally, but that’d be a great gimmick for both of them), blaming him for Show’s heel turn and Show’s subsequent actions. They argue back and forth awhile until John Laurinaitis shows up in his super scooter, ( love it) and gives Cena a match, as long as it’s not against himself, or Show in turn, as his contract now guarantees rest days. Cena parades around, and then challenges Michael Cole to a match, because reasons, while Cole protests, screaming to Lauriniaitis to reconsider.

After the break, Cole confronts Laurinaitis backstage, begging to be relieved of his match with Cena, which makes Laurinaitis smugly and directly dismiss Coles pleas. It’s possibly the first ever truly crowd pleasing decision he’s ever made, and he wheels out of there, leaving Cole standing, dumbfounded.  Vickie Guerrero enters the stage, and announces Dolph Zigglers entrance, stating that DZ is “Better than you, at everything he does”, which will probably piss off Jericho whenever he returns, since that’s literally a word away from his catchphrase, which was a huge point of contention just a few months ago when he feuded with CM Punk over who was “best in the world”.

I’m glad Ziggler is getting back into singles matches. I liked his team up with Jack Swagger, but the WWE never seemed keen putting them as legit tag title contenders, nor do they seem interested in an actual tag division lately, as their current champions, R-Truth and Kofi Kingston seemed to be teamed up for no reason other than “both are black?” I digress, since the match between Ziggler and Sheamus served as a pretty good example of yet another case where we see Ziggler show us how to make losing look really good. Nobody takes a brogue kick to the face like Ziggler.

This is actually from an older match, but JESUS GOD.

Sheamus celebrates on the ramp, pounding his chest like usual until he’s interrupted by Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez, who beat the tar out of him, and Del Rio puts him in an armlock, totally hurting Sheamus’ arm for realsies. Backstage, Laurinaitus is approached by the inimitable David Otunga, who mentions that next week, Vince McMahon will be returning to give Laurinaitus a job evaluation. No word on whether it’ll be NO CHANCE IN HELL Vince, Kiss my Ass Vince,  YOU’RE FIRRRREEDD Vince, or just business man Vince. Either way it’ll definitely be a thing that happens. Ahem.

Sin Cara’s new entrance is interesting, because pre-injury he used to enter the ring with a jumping flip off a trampoline that the cameras desperately didn’t want the viewers at home to know about. Camacho and Hunico, shock of shockers, are actually on Raw, and despite their gimmick being really lame and borderline offensive, Hunico manages to pull off a successful jobbing to Sin Cara, and Sin Cara’s push continues.

The undefeated Skip Sheffield Ryback, makes his official debut on Raw. It’d seem they’re trying to get more of the talent from Smackdown on Raw lately, as Smackdown has made a considerable improvement from B-Show to actually-kinda-interesting side-show in the past couple months. Ryback reminds me of those old generic wrestling figures you’d beg your mom to buy you in the dollar store, only come to life, right down to his “taunt” being the inability to move his arms laterally. The two local jobbers they have this time, have a terrible moment trying to read their awful lines simultaneously, and are quickly dispatched by Ryback, who belts out his catchphrase, “Feed me more!” because he apparently craves young skinny man flesh.

Punk and Kane are now having a weird triangle feud with Daniel Bryan, as Kane has been used as an instrument by both Bryan and Punk in their respective feud, and Kane isn’t really having any of it from either of them. Bryan comes out ringside, stands on the announcer’s table, and cuts a quick Q & A promo. I love these because it gives the audience a great chance to shout “Yes!”, or in the case of this particular audience, shout “No!”. Either way it’s great for Bryan , because he makes a great heel who gets exactly the right kind of heat he should get from an audience, regardless if they hate him or love him. Do I love him? Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

CM Punks match with Kane is pretty typical, he’s very accomplished at elevating his competitors moves, and making all their spots look really great for both. It’s a testament to his ability, that he makes Kane look good, because frankly, Kane has lost it, and his fruit roll up mask does him no favors in making him any better than he was in the Attitude era, or even a few years ago. His new/old gimmick doesn’t work, because all of his decisions are so stupid and random. ( hurr imma attack Randy Orton for no reason! He’s not invincible or anything!) Granted that was a few months ago, but his character hasn’t really done anything interesting since he suddenly returned after somehow growing two feet of hair in a month or so.  After some struggling and mild interference from Bryan, AJ comes out, ostensibly trying to point out Daniel Bryan’s interference, until Punk gets distracted attacking Bryan, and loses to Kane via choke slam. Of course, there’s then a woman in the ring with Kane, which means its time for him to threateningly stand there, until AJ strangely smiles at him, probably trying to use her mind powers to calm his “inner beast”. Or maybe he was just awestruck by her hotness, didn’t know what to do, and left like an awkward high school teen? Kane is dumb, is what i’m saying.

AJ is going further down the crazy/aggressive/effing super sexy route, and starts sexually intimidating Josh Matthews. Well as much as she can in this new PG era. I like seeing her assert herself, I like seeing her character interact with Punk and Bryan, and most of all, I like seeing her in short short cutoffs.

Big Show as a heel works. This was a good video package, and I’m stoked to see him feud with any and everybody who he deems is in his way. It’s a welcome return to his “unstoppable giant” character, that I loved from his old WCW days. I approve.

Both Kofi and Truth show up visibly bandaged from their attack by Big Show last week, and throw down against Hawkins and Reks, in a fairly anemic tag team match. It’s hard to get involved in a tag match, when both teams don’t really have any chemistry, and it makes the whole thing forgettable and boring. Also Kofi Kingstons theme song is the worst thing to ever get stuck in your head ever, and I hate it with an unholy passion.

The entire night, Michael Cole has been fearing and dreading his match with John Cena, and has been trying to find some sort of way out of the match, even going to such lengths as to beg all the WWE fans on social media, to convince Laurinaitis to rescind his decision, via people power!

Right before the match begins, Laurinaitis comes out, and announces our real main event, claiming Cena will have to defeat Lord Tensai, in order to get his match with Cole. Cole is ecstatic, and we get a match of Cena pretending to be challenged by a fat, fake Japanese wrestler.  Fake Japanese as in a wrestler from Japan, not that Tensai is literally supposed to be Japanese, or that he didn’t actually wrestle in Japan, because he did, but he’s still just as boring to me as Cena is, his gimmick is really really lame, and the whole thing is fake to me. Tensai and Cena both suffer from big invincible white guy syndrome, and watching them both fight you’d think would be an interesting match, but I find them so inherently uninteresting. The only enjoyable thing about it was watching Cole really get jazzed about Tensai defeating Cena, only to eventually smack Cena himself, leading to Jerry Lawler standing up and giving him an official Officials’ time out.

Cena eventually lands the 5 moves of Doom on Tensai, secures the win, and Cole attempts to run out of the arena, before being brought back into the ring. Cole first asks mercy from Cena, and attempts to settle things with a handshake, and is then goaded into taunting Cena, ends up poking his finger into his chest, until John Cena starts literally stripping him down to his underwear, and starts slapping him around, then forces him to apologize to Jerry Lawler and JR for all the feuds he’s had with them in the past. Then of all things, he starts forcing Cole to admit he loves JRs BBQ sauce, which of course, Lawler *always* keeps ringside. Cena drenches Cole in the sauce, and sprays him with a fire extinguisher, making it officially one of the more confusing and subtly homoerotic comedy matches of all time. Cena seems dominant right up until Lord Tensai jumps in and choke slams him, leaving us to think Cole will weasel another victory under his belt, but Robo-Cena kicks out, and adjusts Coles’ attitude, taking the win.

It’s not often you see the final match on Raw, ending with both participants covered in BBQ sauce, one spraying a fire extinguisher in celebration, the other stripped down to his underwear, wailing aloud. How do I feel about comedy matches being the main event of a PPV and now a Raw? I’m personally okay with it, as long as it is entertaining. I watch WWE to be entertained. I go in knowing I’m not going to see GREAT WRESTLING. If I want that I’ll pop in a Chikara or ROH dvd. Or look up regional matches on youtube. Like it or not, this is what WWE is now, and that will sometimes include slathering nearly naked men in BBQ sauce.

TV

BOOK vs. TELEVISION: A Clash Of Kings/Game Of Thrones: S2 [Part 2]

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Once again, If you’ve not read the books, STOP READING HERE! Major spoilers abound.

 BOOK vs. TELEVISION: A Clash Of Kings/Game Of Thrones: S2 [Part 1]

Episode 4:  The Garden Of Bones.

The first difference I noticed from this episode was the new scene where Tyrion decides getting Joffrey some action could perhaps “cure” him of his awfulness. Of course we get to see Joffrey unleash his inner Patrick Bateman, and force the two unfortunate prostitutes to beat each other at crossbow-point. It’s a scene that is there to really drive home how utterly psychotic Joffrey is, but unnecessary ultimately, as everyone already hates the crap out of him. A big change comes, as Robb Stark meets and speaks with a field nurse who calls herself Talisa. This character is replacing the role of Jeyne Westerling, who in the book, Robb meets after being injured in battle, and she tends to his wounds. My guess is they wanted Robb to have a romance that wasn’t as suddenly introduced as it was in the novel, and to give some foreshadowing to the dire consequences he faces for this romance later in the series.

Truer words, Bronn. Truer words.

Next comes the biggest change in the show yet, where Arya, Gendry and Hotpie are taken to Harrenhal, and Gendry is nearly tortured by The Tickler for information. This is ended by the arrival of Tywin Lannister, who immediately recognizes her as a girl and makes her his cupbearer! The books had a long sequence of chapters with her serving as a cook, a washing maid, and finding herself adding more names to her long list of vengeance. In my opinion it was a welcome change, as the interaction between her and Tywin were very interesting and captivating. Being a book reader, those scenes were tense because they were new to me too.

Oh snap!

When Daenerys gets to Qarth, the entire way she gets in is different in the show. In the book, she simply enters the city, as her scouts have gotten her appropriate permission previously. The three who would have her audience are Pyat Pree and Xaro Xoan Daxos. She visits Daxos’ palace, and Pyat Pree says the House of The Undying will welcome her. Much different from the show, where they nearly leave her to die outside of Qarth, until Daxos takes a personal interest and invokes a blood oath to let her in. Another difference, is Lord Baelish showing up to speak with Catelyn, lies about the Lannisters having Sansa and Arya captive and ready to trade for Jaime. He then presents Catelyn with Eddard Starks remains. This is pretty huge, as one of the big debates in the book fandom is what the fate of Eddard’s remains happens to be, and whether or not it is as significant as we think. The show however, seems to think he’s dead and gone, barring those remains actually being Neds’, and just another lie from someone as untrustworthy as Lord Baelish.

The last big change is the order in which we see the shadow babies presented. In the novel, Renly is killed, mysteriously by a shadow, and no explanation is given, other than it resembling Stannis. The scene with Davos taking Melisandre to the castle to birth it, is much later in the book. The shadow singlehandedly ends a siege overnight by slaying all the besieged, giving Stannis much more militaristic might nearly overnight. After two shadow babies being seen, Davos notes that Stannis looks visibly aged, by at least a decade, and it is implied that Melisandre is using his life force to make the dark things. The show has none of these details, and I feel, lessened the shock of Renlys’ death.

Episode 5: The Ghost of Harrenhal.

This episode is almost entirely scenes from the book, recreated with tweaks here and there. It touches on the subplot of Kings Landing starting to become restless from hunger, and gets to Tyrions plan using the wildfire. A notable change I could see was that he hasn’t commissioned all the cities’ blacksmiths to being making large chain links for him, which he’d later use at the battle of Blackwater. Here they seem content to only use the wildfire. The main new addition of course, is the scenes with Arya and Tywin playing mental chess. Accordingly, since Arya isn’t doing all of the different duties she had in the books, her first name from Jaqen is different, and has her first name be The Tickler. It’s a bit sad, as her stabbing the Tickler to death over and over again in the third book was a pretty great scene, but i’m sure they’ll keep it, or incorporate it in some way.

Episode 6:  The Old Gods And The New.

In the books at this point, Jojen and Meeren Reed have been coaching Bran on his dreams, their meanings, and his latent abilities as a skin changer. They then bust him out of Winterfell, away from Theon and his iron men, by using Winterfell’s tunnels. The show has a similar thing to this, only with Osha seducing Theon, and lets Hodor escape with Bran and Rickon. Robb meets up with Talisa again, and plans his revenge with Roose Bolton to capture and execute Theon, while promising amnesty to all other Iron Men who give up. The scene with Ygritte was mostly how I remember it in the books, although the sexual teasing was a bit more exaggerated, with the scene of them having to huddle together for warmth. Sansa’s attack is actually shown in the show, in the book we simply see The Hound return with her as the riot begins, and she has a few bruises, rather than the truly vile attempt to rape her we see in the show. In both it is The Hound who rescues her. Another added scene with Arya and Tywin, this time she’s privy to a tactical discussion between Tywin and Lord Baelish, and it sets up an interesting plot thread of Lord Baelish possibly noting that ‘Arry’ is actually Arya. Of course, this being a new scene, it’s all speculation. Arya overhearing the war plans Tywin was making, manages to steal some war orders on paper, but is found out by Ser Amory Lorch. This leads to Arya’s second new name from Jaqen, and ends with a hilarious moment where Ser Amory literally drops dead at the door of Tywin’s room.

Message for you ser!

Then we come to the biggest change in Daenerys story yet, the kidnapping of her dragons. This straight up didn’t happen in the books, and it’s purpose in the show was to me, at the time, entirely unknown.

Episode 7: A Man Without Honor.

Sansa wakes up having had her first period, as she does in the novel, only now she has Shae there to sympathize with her, and even hunt down and threaten one of the handmaidens who had seen Sansa in such a state. It seemed as if her flowering was going to be kept secret, until The house appears, and has seen the bloody sheets they were trying to hide. In the book, Shae isn’t there at all, so all of this interaction was new. Another great new scene was yet another discussion between Arya and Tywin, and they discuss the legacy and conquest of Aegon The Conqueror. Tywin figures out Arya is lying about her past, and we’re all left to wonder just how much he does or doesn’t know, or is even letting on. The Harrenhal scenes between these two are very clearly a brilliant new addition, and i’m glad to see them every episode they’re in. The last big change is this episode, is the almost entirely new scenes of Daenerys in Qarth. Pyat Pree assassinates the Thirteen, leaving Xaro Xoan Daxo’s now the king of Qarth, and informs Dany her dragons are in the House of The Undying. In the book, Daxos’ wishes to wed Dany, initially to help her reclaim her throne, but it turns out to be that he plans to exploit some Qartheen marriage right, that the bride must give her newlywed husband a gift, and ti turns out Daxos was really after her dragons, (at least one) the whole time. In the book, Dany willingly enters the House of The Undying, as she is invited peacefully. These changes I initially had problems with, but only because the chapter where Dany goes to the House is such a great chapter, and I couldn’t wait to see it portrayed.

This scene was a great example of something happening onscreen that happened in the book, adapted even better than I thought possible. My mom literally started shouting at the screen and yelling “No! They can’t do that! NO!”, which was a far cry from my reaction when reading that chapter: “Oh. Bummer.”

Movie News & Opinions

New Trailer For “Starship Troopers: Invasion”

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Starship Troopers has always been a polarizing franchise. The original Heinlein novel split readers down to whether or not it was pro or anti-fascism, or even a pro or anti-war novel. Even the titular 1997 adaptation saw its fair share of criticism for being mindless, overly gory and disrespectful of its source material, and alternatively being a cleverly made satire of fascism and militaristic jingoism disguised as a brainless action movie. (This years Battleship accomplishes the same feat, despite its source material being a damned board game.) Over the years however, Starship Troopers has developed into its own franchise, with it’s own set of sequels, albeit terrible ones. It was only a matter of time until someone decided to try to reclaim the franchise, and bring it back from straight to DVD hell in one way or another, and surprisingly, it has, this time in CGI form.

Wow. CGI Denise Richards looks different. Better? You decide.

That’s right, the film is being made entirely in CGI animation, by anime director Shinji Aramaki, who is known for his designs for mechs and powered exoskeletons for many anime series. This should ring a bell for fans of the novel, as the mechanized suits played a substantial role in the novel, and were unseen in the original film. However, the trailer indicates that it seems to directly pick it’s continuity from the first film, ignores it’s awful sequels, and furthers the direction of the original characters story, rather than reinterpreting and/or re-imagining a new adaptation of the book entirely.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NJAImFLZog

It’s like a feature length videogame cutscene you can’t play!

The trailer shows Johnny Rico, who is now a battle hardened, eyepatch wearin’ , scarred roughneck, ready to rumble and barking out orders. We also see brief clips of soldiers attacking the bugs, ships flying, and a glimpse of the powered suits that the novel featured. The actual plot of the film takes place 10 years after the events of the Starship Troopers, and we see that Carl Jenkins, originally played by Neil Patrick Harris, has taken the Starship John A. Warden on a secret mission, and of course, ends up going missing. This leads to Rico sending off the Troopers on a rescue mission, where they’ll surely uncover new, horrifying and awesome bugs to kill. Also returning, is the character of Carmen, who was previously played by Denise Richards, and is now going to be joining Rico on the rescue mission, and possibly rekindling whatever broken romance she had with Rico from the first film.

How could you not love that face?

Some might think CGi is a strange direction to take for a sequel, but it’s not without precedent, as there was a mostly forgotten, and short lived CGI television series, called Roughnecks: Starship Troopers Chronicles, that skewed much closer in tone to the novel, than the film itself. However, this film seems to preserve the satirical spirit of the original film, with Troopers spouting out famous one liners, “C’mon you apes! You wanna live forever!”,  and even keeping the famously propagandistic  line, “Would you like to know more?”.

Behold! Paranormally gifted Col. Carl Jenkins! Previously played by Neil Patrick Harris! HAIL!

WIll they survive? Will they stop the bug menace once and for all? Will they make an entertaining and watchable film? It remains to be seen, as no hard release date has yet been confirmed, just a “Summer 2012”.  We’ll inform you as soon as there is more info, because we’re all sure that you Would Like To Know More!

TV

HBO’s Game of Thrones: 210 – ‘Valar Morghulis’

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The episode opens with an interesting scene showing Tyrion recovering from his battle wound to the face. After some passive aggressive words exchanged between him and Maester Pycelle, Pycelle leaves Tyrion a golden coin, claiming it’s for “his trouble”, in a very clear insult typical of the shifty Maester. It was an interesting exchange and builds upon the very shaky relationship the two have with eachother. We’re then taken to the royal throne room, with Joffrey proclaiming Tywin, his grandfather the newly appointed Hand of The King, and giving Lord Baelish aka Littlefinger, dominion over castle Harrenhal. After some quick words about the Tyrell’s assistance in the battle of Blackwater, Joffrey mulls over wedding Margaery Tyrell, claiming some BS about keeping “holy vows” to Sansa. It takes the words of Maester Pycelle, the people in the throne room, and Margaery herself insisting Sansa is not fit to be wed, for him to finally agree to relinquish his vows to Sansa. Of course, nobody is happier about this than Sansa, who walks away, and for the first time in a while, begins to smile. It’s interrupted of course, by Lord Baelish, who tells her of his love and fondness for her mother Catelyn, and claims he can help her escape this place and get home. Sansa tries to lie and claim this is her home, but L to the B sees right through it, and calls her on it.

Oh thank the Seven I-Oh crap.

Next is a scene with Ros the Wonder Whore, who gives us our mandatory T&A for the episode, and takes in a guest who turns out to be Varys, The Spider. She tries to make advances on him, thinking him another client and ends up discovering his identity by feeling his package. Or lack thereof. Ahem. Varys is there to get information on Lord Baelish, and recruits her as one of his “little birds.” Many threads are being tied up for the next season this episode, and we switch scenes yet again to Brienne and Jaime, who are now travelling together, as they come across three hanging bodies. Quickly they are approached by three goons, who start asking questions about the identity of Brienne’s captive. Soon one recognizes the Jaime as the Kingslayer, and raises his steel against Brienne. An insanely poor choice on his part, as she quickly dispatches two, and stabs the last in the groin, very sloooowwly sliding the sword deeper into him, as every male watching the show groans in pain. Another scene shift, and Robb is arguing with his mother about upholding his promise to marry one of the Frey women, as he promised in season 1. A few quick words, and we cut to Stannis Baratheon, pondering his defeat with Melisandre in tow. They argue over the point of their loss, until her words anger him, and begins to start choking her, claiming her to give him proof of her god’s will, questioning his own decisions. She tells him that he is her god, and has him look into the flames burning in their hearth. She asks him if he sees himself in the flames, as her king. Eventually, he does.

Back to Theon, and we get him pondering what to do in his predicament with holding Winterfell. With Robbs bannermen, led by Roose Bolton’s bastard, he faces almost certain death with his measly twenty Iron Men.  Maester Luwin advises him to retreat, head north to the wall and take the black. Theon decides he’s too far gone, and begins rallying his men with a stirring speech. His battle cry is interrupted however, by the lance of one of his own men, and they black bag him, and carry him off,, but not before stabbing Maester Luwin in the gut with a spear, leaving him for dead. Returning to Tyrion in his room, we find him conversing with Varys. Varys informs Tyrion of the dire circumstances he is in, as all who were loyal to him previously are either paid off, relieved of duty, or in the case of Varys, abandoning him. There is one exception, and Shae comes into the room, and reminds Tyrion of how much she loves him, and accepts him, injury, dwarfism and all completely. They share a tender embrace. It’s a touching moment, and really shows the real connection the two share, as respective outcasts of their own worlds. We cut to Robb Stark and Jeyne Westerling Talisa getting married, like idiot fools, Freys be damned.

That’s it Shae, lick that scar.

Finally we see Daenarys, who is outside the House Of The Undying, ready to claim her dragons. She approaches the House, which is actually a tower, and mystically enters, unseen by Jorah who was just behind her. Upon entering, she finds herself in the dark and follows the sounds of her dragons screeching for her. We cut yet again (a LOT of story is covered in this episode), this time to Arya. She is travelling with Hot Pie and Gendry, when she spots Jaqen H’Ghar watching them. She confronts him, and asks him questions about himself, and he reveals that he is a “Faceless Man” from Braavos. He tells her he can take her there, and teach her in the ways of killing, like him. She reluctantly denies his proposal, saying she must find her family. Jaqen laments her decision, but offers her a coin, saying if she ever needs his help, she must only present it to any Braavosi man, and say the words “Valar Morghulis.” He then tells her Jaqen is dead, and literally changes his face, and bids her farewell. Jaqen is a mysterious one indeed.

See what I did there?

We cut to Bran, being held by Hodor, walking through the smoldering remains of Winterfell. They find Maester Luwin bleeding out, sitting under a godswood. He tells them to journey north, to find Jon Snow, as he is the only relative of theirs they know the exact location of, as anywhere in the south is too dangerous. He tells Osha to protect them, and asks for a mercy killing. She provides it for him, and Osha, Bran, Hodor, Rickon and their direwolves begin the trek north. Back to Dany, we see her walking through hallways, still following the cries of her dragons, until she walks into a room with many doors. She enters one and finds inside is an ashy, lifeless version of the Iron Throne room in ruins. She follows the sound of her dragons still, and ventures “outside” into a snowy wasteland, with only a hut off in the distance. Inside the hut sits… Khal Drogo. Holding their unborn child. They speak to each other, each questioning if what they see and experience is real. It’s absolutely heartbreaking, and if you didn’t at least well up a little bit after they kiss, you’re dead inside. Dead.

I cried like a little bitch.

She leaves the hut, and is back in the room with many doors. This time, her dragons are chained to a pedestal. Pyat Pree appears, and using his strange illusive powers, chains her to the wall, meaning to keep her and her dragons as prisoners. Dany, in a moment of pure badassness, orders her dragons to burn him alive with a single word: “Dracarys.” The dragons promptly scorch him, and the chains binding them fall to dust, revealing themselves for the illusions they were. I’m running out of ways to say a scene changes, but it does, again. This time to Jon and Qhorin, who are bound and are being led by the wildlings. Qhorin follows through with his plan to make Jon look as if he is no longer loyal to the Night’s Watch, and begins dueling him. Jon defends himself, and ends up killing Qhorin, and gaining the trust of the wildlings in turn. Ygritte looks at Jon, and leads him to meet the King Beyond The Wall, while Qhorin’s body is burnt by the wildlings to keep him from coming back.

Back to Daenarys, her blood rider takes the key off a sleeping Xaro Xoan Daxo’s neck, and uses it to open his famed vault. They open it, and reveal that nothing was inside it the entire time, as he was simply using her to become king of Qarth all along. She thanks him for the lesson he has taught her, and locks him and her former hand maiden (who was sleeping with him), inside the vault. They then proceed to loot Daxo’s house, in true Dothraki fashion. Hell hath no fury like a scorned Targaryen.

HADOUKEN!

The last scene, shows Samwell, Dolorous Edd and Brenn digging up different kinds of poo to burn, in order to keep warm. They then hear a blast of the foghorn from the wall. One for riders returning. Then they hear another. Two for wildlings attacking. Finally, a third blast. Whitewalkers. Edd and Brenn run off in terror, leaving behind the portly and slow Samwell. He cries after them, but becomes enveloped in an ethereal snow that comes seemingly from nowhere. He runs to take cover behind a rock, and slowly approaching, we see the first of many, many wights (zombies). He whimpers as an undead horse clops up besides him, and gazes upwards to see a full-fledged Whitewalker. It eyes him, and raises its spear, and lets loose an inhuman and terrifying howl, as thousands of wights, and dozens more Whitewalkers follow, all leading towards the Wall.

‘Sup bro.

Holy crap. So yeah, a pretty packed episode, that did as well as it could with as many characters and stories it had to juggle. The additions to the story were welcome, and the story certainly seems to be ramping up in an extremely exciting way. I’m sure many viewers will have questions left unanswered, but so did many readers who had to wait for book three. This is how you do a “The shit is hitting the fan ’cause ZOMBIES” ending perfectly. Take note Walking Dead writers, all you have to do is make your show and it’s characters interesting and likeable, and you can have season endings that actually have an impact. Only a year until season 3 folks!

It’s only a model…

TV

BOOK vs. TELEVISION: A Clash Of Kings/Game Of Thrones: S2 [Part 1]

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The second season of Game Of Thrones has ended, and like many of the fans of the novels out there, I am absolutely brimming with excitement for the next season, because it will finally get to many of the  character developments fans of the series have been waiting to see depicted for a long time. Not to mention the glorious shaudenfreude we feel as we watch our non-book-reading friends and family become stunned and shocked at the twists and turns the story takes. There’s also the curious case of spending each episode guessing what will end up like what, who will do this like they did, or how this one thing looked in my head when I read it and holy-crap-that’s-just-what-I-imagined, or OH WOW THAT’S DIFFERENT DO I HATE IT? Of course it goes without saying, that for any non-book reading, solely show watching Game Of Thrones fans, that this might contain SPOILERS for future seasons, as talking about the books adaptation inevitably leads to talking about further character development, and future scenes yet to be filmed.

Once again, If you’ve not read the books, STOP READING HERE!

Now forgive me, because I’m doing a lot of this based off memory, as I’m currently wading through A Feast For Crows, and haven’t read A Clash Of Kings in a few months or so, and I’ve watched most of the new season’s episodes only twice. I’ll be going on a loosely episode by episode basis, for if I were to literally list every single difference this would turn into an absurdly long wiki article, so there’s a strong chance I might miss a detail here or there, and if I have, feel free to comment and call me a horrible human being. It’s what the internet is for.

Episode 1: The North Remembers.

To me, the most immediate change was that the episode clearly is reversing the order of events, showing Maester Cressen trying his assassination attempt on Melisandre after the symbolic burning of The Seven. The prologue in the book served to show how new, unique and alien Melisandre was, especially when his attempt on her life fails, and results in his own death. It portrays her as a very dark enigma, and a mystery to the reader early on. Granted the show did this as well, but the scenes were switched, and Stannis still comes off as an interesting new character, determined to take what he truly feels is his by right, blood relations be damned. We also meet Davos Seaworth for the first time, who despite only having 3 POV chapters in CoK, has arguably the three most important chapters in the book, as he witnesses directly many of the crucial events that shape the newly divided Westeros. In this manner, I’m a bit saddened that non-book readers don’t really have much of an idea of Davos, or who he even is in some cases, as he was one of my favorite characters from the book. Other smaller changes include the exclusion of Jojen and Meera Reed, who have effectively been replaced by Osha in the series. In the book, Jojen and Meera are two young adults who pledge to House Stark, and begin coaching Bran on his dreams, and what they truly mean.

Episode 2: The Night Lands.

2x02-The-Night-Lands-game-of-thrones

The conversation between Cersei and Tyrion in the novel, touches on quite a few other subjects involving the tainting of King Roberts wine, the unceremonious firing of Ser Berristan and most notably touches on the fact that Kings Landing is beginning to starve since all trade routes are closed due to the war. The series eventually shows the fallout of the people becoming restless in a later episode, but not here. Meanwhile, at the Iron Islands, Theon gets groovy with some awful woman who begs to be his salt wife, and then proceeds to put his whole foot entirely in his mouth, and really lecherously hits on and gropes his unbeknownst to him at the time, sister. The series showed this, but boy howdy was it far, far worse in the book, as book Theon is quite a bit more of a bastard than show Theon. Then of course, there’s Daenerys Targaryen, who is trapped wandering the Red Waste, desperately searching for help with her now very tiny Khalasar. The show added the scene with one of her scout’s horses returning carrying it’s riders head. In the book, her dragons are also  growing larger, as she notices they’ll only grow after eating cooked meat, whereas in the show, they’re still just above lizard sized.  Arya’s story is also greatly sped up in pace in the show, as large sections of character development are skipped over, to get to the interesting scenes of interaction between her and Gendry. Jon’s story is mostly the same, with some exposition, mood setting and further character development excised.

Episode 3: What Is Dead May Never Die.

got20304This is where the show takes a great leap forward, and just cuts out a rather boring and tedious subplot from the book concerning Shae and Tyrion. Throughout the book he is determined to hide her, and goes to great lengths to secure her safety, first hiding her in a mansion, then as a maid to a Red Keep noblewoman, then in A Storm of Swords, finally appoints her as Sansa’s maid, as at that time he is wed to Sansa, and it is the most reasonable way to keep her close. The show does us all a favor and just skips to Shae being Sansa’s maid.  There’s also a great, entirely new scene between Cersei and Littlefinger, that shows the dynamics of power between the two, and portrays Cersei in a new and powerful light, but conversely also plays Littlefinger as a bit stupid and caught off guard. One aspect of the books that’s been almost entirely ignored up until now, is Bran’s dreams, and their significance. The show plays it far more subtle, which I can guess is to not alienate casual viewers from being thrown by one fantasy element too many, too quickly. Then there’s Renly, who in the book, is arguably not even gay (although Rainbow Guard? Cmon.), where show Renly is closeted as hell. This culminates in Margaery Tyrell trying to seduce Renly, then suggesting an incestuous three-way between herself, Renly and her brother, Ser Loras. Not a bad addition, as the actress who plays Margaery is gorgeous, has a nice rack, and plays her part of a conniving wannabe queen very well. Back at the Iron Islands, Show Theon is a much more sympathetic character, as he is much more troubled by the decision to warn Robb of his fathers impending attack on Winterfell, and even has a cool scene where he calls out his father for giving him up as hostage to the Starks years ago. It goes a long way to make Theon’s eventual betrayal all the more heartbreaking. Arya gets a new scene with Yoren, who tells her his own personal story of revenge, detailing how every night he spent recanting the name of those who had wronged him, which sets up Arya’s own list of names, which foreshadows Arya making her own long list of enemies to obsess over nightly. This scene wasn’t in the book, but was a great addition that gave character depth to both Yoren and Arya. Another small but notable change is that the Lannister bannermen in the book were led by Ser Gregor Clegane, who kills Lommy and takes Aryas’s group hostage with them. The show had Ser Amory Lorch do this instead, and be tricked into thinking that Lommy was Gendry, and that they had already killed the man they were looking for. This change while seemingly small, leads to one of the bigger divergences from the book, as Arya’s story becomes fairly different, as we’ll see in later episodes.

Movie News & Opinions

‘X-Men: First Class’ Sequel Release Date Announced

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Last years X-Men: First Class was a welcome entry into the X-Men film franchise, and of course, it’s going to get a sequel. Thankfully, the team behind the original, including Michael Fassbender, who played the brilliant Magneto, Jennifer Lawrence of newly found ‘Hunger Games’ fame, and Director Matthew Vaughn, who was also responsible for the kick ass, Kick-Ass, are all returning, given time for their respective schedules, to film the sequel in time for July 2014 release. James McAvoy is also confirmed as returning as Professor X, although there is no information at this time if he will be going bald. Details about the film itself are scarce, as it doesn’t even have a title yet, but it will focus on Magneto falling further down the spiral into super-villainry.  All in all it’s still pretty early, and news about casting, new roles, further plot details and such are in the air, as it’ll likely be a year before any substantial updates are available.

What did the five fingers say to the face?

I especially look forward to the film, as First Class was the only film in the entire X-Men franchise that, in my opinion, carried any depth or genuine meaning with it, along with exciting, fun to watch action scenes that carried weight and gravitas behind them. The first two tried unsuccessfully to blend heady, talk heavy scenes into the film, but failed when it came to any kind of exhilarating fighting or action, and left us with a main character death in the second, that lacked emotional resonance, and ultimately ended up going nowhere interesting in the incredibly mediocre (but entertaining in a oh-man-this-is-bad way) third film. First Class finally showcased realistic uses of powers by characters who were refreshingly happy and willing to use them, because having powers would be amazing, and seeing characters unburdened by any sort of broody melodramatic guilt over the “responsibility” of their powers, was a breath of fresh air to see, especially in a genre where so many superheroes’ are so torn about having frickin’ SUPER POWERS.

So it goes without saying I’ll be looking forward to seeing some new X-Men action come July 18, 2014, because watching someone using mind powers gleefully is probably the best wish-fulfillment there is.