Monthly Archives: April 2011

TV

South Park: Season 15 Premiere – ‘HUMANCENTiPAD’

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Let me start by saying that I think South Park is one of the smartest and funniest shows on television. It fearlessly attacks and satirizes everything and everyone. In a culture so disgustingly obsessed with being ‘politically correct’, South Park is a beacon of reason since they seem to try their hardest to buck that trend. So I was quite excited that the premiere of the 15th season had snuck up on me. It was a pleasant surprise to check my DVR after Justified and find a new episode. What was less pleasant was the episode itself…

The focus of the episode was around the Apple iPad. Cartman pretended to have one (of course) and obviously made fun of all the kids who didn’t have one. When he gets called out for his lies he turns to his mother for help. At this same time Apple shows up to abduct Kyle, which is a result of him clicking things before reading them. Apparently he agreed to an entire litany of things in the last update Apple sent him…which he did not read.

So Cartman convinces his Mom to forgo the waiting period before his birthday and take him to get an iPad right then. However, upon learning she cannot afford one, he proceeds to let everyone know she is ‘f–king him’. It’s metaphorical, but people then start to believe that she is actually molesting her son.

At this time Kyle is being prepped for surgery…Human Centipede style.

So while Cartman is telling everyone that his mom is f–king him (including Dr. Phil), Kyle is being made to eat a man’s poop.  The Steve Jobs then explains why this is gonna be the next best thing. Apple users eat it up.

Overall though, I didn’t get it.

I liked how smug and gullible they made Apple users seem (since I use a PC), and Cartman dropping F-Bombs was funny the first few times, but I just didn’t laugh. Not the way South Park normally makes me laugh. It addressed how dependent some people are on their Apple products, and how useless some of their innovations are, but that people will run out to buy the stuff anyways.

The Human Centipede stuff just missed for me. And don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t grossed out by the episode, and it was actually a nice nod to Human Centipede which is a movie that I kind of, sort of enjoyed.

Something just didn’t click for me here though. I give it 2 Bears.

Movie Trailers

New Trailer – ‘Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows: Part 2’

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It’s nearly here. The conclusion of the Harry Potter film franchise: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. It’s been a long road, with seven previous movies having already been released since 2001, and the books still coming out during those theater releases.

I started to like the movies more and more as they progressed, except the hiccup that was Goblet of Fire after the amazing Prisoner of Azkaban. I’m probably the only Harry Potter fan in the world who just watched Deathly Hallows Part 1 a week ago. I wanted to try to hold out so I could watch the two parts together just as the second was coming out. Alas, I failed, but I was happy that I did because to me, Deathly Hallows Part 1 was just behind  Prisoner of Azkaban for my favorite. It raised the stakes incredibly by having our heroes on the run and looking over their shoulders at every turn. The world of Harry Potter had never been more grim and dangerous.

Besides seeing glimpses of Part 2 in the trailer before Part One, the newest trailer shows so much more. Even a little bit of a spoiler for those who haven’t read the books. Check it out below:

Yes, I peed my pants too if you’re curious. It looks spectacular and I’m sure everything remaining from the book will be included. That means goblins at Gringotts, a dragon, The Battle of Hogwarts and a final confrontation between Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort.

So get ready on July 15th for the Harry Potter grand finale. It’s going to be magical. (Damn it I didn’t want to use that pun.)

-Harry: “Oh my God!” -Hermione: “Oh no!” -Ron: “I like pancakes…”

Any thoughts on the trailer, or did everyone’s head explode from awesome overload? If you’re still with us please feel free to comment below!

TV

Jersey Shore U.K. – Geordie Shore

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“I can haz burrito now?”

Not only will the Jersey Shore cast be going off to Italy in their next season, but MTV will be entering a whole new realm with another cast of… gifted young people. Get ready for the British alternative of Jersey Shore! I’m not sure that the United Kingdom needed an alternative to something as idiotic as Jersey Shore, but it would appear that MTV will be infecting our neighbors across the pond with a new batch of drunken idiots, this time with British accents!

You need to check out the teaser below to really get the full effect:

Seriously? Did that whole thing just happen? “I’ll never kiss anyone without a six pack.” and “I’m fit, I’m flirty and I’ve got double F’s.” And I only thought shit like that happened in America. Hopefully the people of the U.K. shun the people on the show instead of embracing them and helping them make millions for being degenerates.

Because the world needs a few more of these walking jokes…

Now maybe I’m being a tad bit harsh, they could turn out to be some real fully functional human beings. But judging on the quotes from the promo we just watched and MTV’s desire to pick the most shallow alcoholics to star on these shows, I sort of doubt it.

I suppose on the bright side the three girls on the show look nothing like Snooki, and who am I – as a man, to complain about double F sized breasts? On May 24th we will definitely find out if the U.K. drunkards can keep up with their American counterparts.

Grizzly Fun Fact: Geordie is a nickname of sorts, for people who hail from Tyneside on the Northeast region of England.

GAMING

Call of Duty: Escalation (Starring Trejo, Rooker, George A. Romero, Freddy Kruger, & Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

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Call of Duty – Three words almost universally despised by wives and girlfriends everywhere. Well ladies, things are about to get worse. If it seems your man has been picking the controller up less frequently as of late, I hope you enjoy it while it lasts. Coming May 3rd is the newest expansion for the latest Call of Duty game, Black Ops. This is the second such expansion released for the game, as First Strike is almost 3 months old already. I know a few people I play online with still haven’t bought the First Strike expansion, but personally I’m happy I did, as ‘Discovery’ has become my favorite map in the game. The new add-on is called Escalation.

Here is a quick synopsis:

As indicated by the retailer leak, the DLC will include four multiplayer maps: Hotel, set “on the roof of a Cuban luxury hotel and casino against the vivid backdrop of old Havana”; Convoy, which offers up “intense, close-quarters combat at the scene of an ambushed US military convoy”; Zoo, set in a derelict Soviet-era animal park; and Stockpile, which is set in a small Russian town that contains secret facilities housing weapons of mass destruction.

Also included in the Escalation pack is a new level for Black Ops’ zombie mode. Today’s announcement gave no details on the mode, other than that it will provide a “unique Zombies experience.” However, the previous retailer leak referred to the level as “Call of the Dead.”

Ok, so new maps are always nice, but what’s really grabbing me here is the “Call of the Dead” aspect of the game. Long has the Zombie section of the game been a favorite of mine, and it is in fact the reason I bought both Call of Duty: World at War and Call of Duty: Black Ops. And while it was fun, it was obviously never a real focus for the designers. That’s about to change. Here is the trailer for the ‘Call of the Dead’ section of the expansion…

As our esteemed Technical Editor likes to say: Holy crap.

Not bad at all. Here are 4 luminaries in the Horror/Sci-Fi genre, brought together to voice characters not for a full game, but just a downloadable expansion to the game. That is throwing your budget around. Just look at this cast:

– Michael Rooker made his name with a lot of geeks in Mallrats, however was already established in the horror community for a decade prior with the title role in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. And for the Zombie connection – he was in the first season of AMC’s The Walking Dead.

– Danny Trejo is one Mexican you don’t want to f–k with, or so he told us in Machete. Machete was of course a spin-off of Grindhouse, and Trejo has been in such classics as Maniac Cop 2, the From Dusk Till Dawn trilogy, and Rob Zombie remake of Halloween.

– Sarah Michelle Gellar is of course best known as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but has also appeared in horror movies like I Know What You Did Last Summer, The Grudge and Scream 2.

– Robert Englund has played Freddy Kruger over 50 times between the Nightmare on Elm Street movies and the TV show they inspired. Plus he has been in other movies like Wishmaster, Urban Legend, 2001 Maniacs, and Zombie Strippers! He is a horror icon.

And all of them helmed by the man most synonymous with Zombies – George A. Romero. If you somehow don’t know who Romero is…well, you’re just not a zombie fan. He is responsible for Night of the Living Dead and all of it’s seemingly thousands of sequels.


I’ll admit, on the last map pack download, I didn’t spend a ton of time on the Zombie stage, but this time around…I plan to.

GAMING

DIABLO III: Over a Decade in the Making

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On June 28, 2008, BLIZZARD, creators of such popular games as Starcraft and World of Warcraft, announced the making of the third game in the Diablo series – Diablo III. Diablo was an action RPG, and is strictly made for the PC. Although there has not been a Diablo game released in over a decade, this next one looks promising.

GAMEPLAY: Diablo III is said to play much like Diablo II in a lot of ways. You will see your game from an overhead view via 3D environment.  Just like Diablo II, Battle.net will be used by online co-operative players, who will now be able to drop in and out of sessions. This game is also guaranteed to have replay value! It features a random level generator, a random encounter generator, and class-specific quests to go along with the main storyline quests. Something I read about that I found very interesting is that there will be no more potion bar. Instead, health orbs will fall from enemies, which leaves room for a skill bar where the old potion bar was. PvP combat is implemented to enhance single player and cooperative modes. There are different game modes you can play in, one being ranked games, or “best of”. You will earn a certain amount of points per match based on how many kills you have, achieved objectives, etc. The points will get you multiplayer achievements and titles.

Continue reading DIABLO III: Over a Decade in the Making →

Movie News & Opinions

Terminator is Back… And so is Arnold Schwarzenegger

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I am one of those who actually liked Terminator: Salvation. It was taking us into the territory of the Terminator franchise that so many of us wanted – a whole movie based on  The Resistance war against Skynet and the machines. I thought it was done very well, with all new terminators, a decent grouping of actors and a not too shabby storyline, given the fact that the writer’s strike was happening at the time. I just wanted a movie finally taking place after Judgement Day with the war already in its beginnings and Salvation gave that to me.

Although it didn’t perform as well as the studio had predicted, they were still supposed to go on with making two more sequels, but after money woes and auctioning off the rights to Terminator, chances of that were slim. It was like taking a couple licks off your blue moon ice cream cone and the rest gets knocked out of your hand by a psychotic Easter Bunny.

Now comes news via Deadline that the franchise is not only on track to be revived and continued, but it will involve one of the two men who made Terminator and Terminator 2 such a success: Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yes I know James Cameron’s vision made the first two movies so spectacular, but Arnold was the other major reason for the movies’ success. Here’s a little from the article:

Arnold Schwarzenegger is attached to star in a rights package that CAA is shopping today that will revive The Terminator, one of Hollywood’s most iconic scifi franchises. The agency is dropping the package on studios this afternoon. I’m told that already, Universal, Sony and Lionsgate, and CBS Films are looking hard at the package. There is no screenwriter attached at this point, and Robert Cort is producing. This is the first real activity on The Terminator project since February 2010, when the property emerged from a bankruptcy auction and into the possession of Pacificor.

Not only is this awesome news that the Terminator story will continue, but I’m also glad to see Arnold returning to a project that will put him back in the main spotlight. I’m sorry, but the Governator just ain’t gonna do it for me. I want Terminator! True Lies 2! Jingle All The Way 2! Well, scratch the Jingle All the Way bit… you get the point.

What does everyone think of this? Is Arnold “too old for this shit”, or are you ready to see him back as a T-800 breaking faces? I say hell yeah to the second part of that question. Comment below or Skynet will find you…