There’s nothing better than trying to predict the outcome of a predetermined sporting event. But that is exactly what I’m going to do before this Sunday’s Pay Per View event.
Randy Orton vs CM Punk – Last Man Standing
This feud has been ongoing for way too long for them to not end it tonight. Last Man Standing usually means someone is getting their ass kicked definitively, so I’m fully expecting CM Punk to get his ass handed to him once and for all, so Orton can solidify his role as main attraction on Smackdown. If you think about it they are on separate shows and the feud is really run it’s course. It’s time to end it.
WINNER: Randy Orton
Jerry Lawler/Jim Ross vs Michael Cole/Jack Swagger Country whipping match
I’m not exactly sure what a whipping match is except that people will be whipped. In this tag match, unless Cole is getting beat into a coma I could care less about. The Lawler/Cole feud is about as drawn out and old as the Orton/Punk feud, except with less entertainment. Michael Cole was funny to an extent in the beginning and I know we all need someone to hate, but let’s leave that to the wrestlers and not the commentators. This thing has been going for close to a year it seems like, and Cole is just downright annoying to the point where I almost hate watching Raw because he disrupts it so badly. And he says everything three to four times over in the ring which is very annoying when you can hear him clear as day.
Winners: Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross (hopefully)
Alberto Del Rio vs Christian
Ladder Match for the World Heavyweight Championship
With the World Heavyweight belt vacant, Del Rio and Edge’s best buddy Christian will be duking it out in a ladder match to decide who the next champ will be. You might think with Christian being the master of ladder matches, Edge’s friend and all around likable guy, that he would be the one to win it. But I have to disagree because it seems like they’ve been all about Alberto Del Rio for quite some time, building him up over the course of last year as a major contender and hated heel. It all culminated in Del Rio’s Royal Rumble win and eventual championship match against Edge. Then he lost to Edge at Wrestlemania… didn’t see that one coming.
It’s pretty evident they found out about Edge’s health woes and need to retire just before Wrestlemania 27. They weren’t going to have him lose in his last match ever, so they just delayed Del Rio’s victory until now with the title vacant. Edge gets to retire a champion and Del Rio gets to win the title finally and score tons of guest appearences on Univision. Everybody wins!
Winner: Alberto Del Rio
Rey Mysterio vs Cody Rhodes – Falls Count Anywhere
This match is yet another long, drawn out feud that has run it’s course. Like a lot of the other ones it was fun at first but has definitely overstayed it’s welcome. I like what they did to Cody Rhodes, switching from pretty boy to masked freak. (even though it’s pretty apparent that not much was wrong with his face.) I see no reason for Cody to win this one. He’s a heel that is narrowly on the jobber level.
WINNER: Rey Mysterio
The Miz vs John Cena vs John Morrison
Steel Cage Triple Threat Match
The words Triple, Threat, Steel, Cage and Match should fill any wrestling spectator with glee. But for some reason I’m not all that excited for this match. It could be that two of the participants were involved in this past Wrestlemania’s worst main event in the history of the WWE. John Cena and the Miz = boring. So you’d then think I’d be rooting for John Morrison, but I’m not. Seriously? A guy wearing sunglasses with the worst tan ever, calling himself the Prince of Parkour? There’s no one to root for period in this one. There should be a triple disqualification that somehow makes the title vacant. But that won’t happen, so I have a feeling that the Miz will still hang onto the belt for this one. Of course it will be a cheap bullshit win, because they haven’t wrote the monkey faced turd of a champion winning the old fashioned way. I’m thinking R Truth will interfere to blow it for Morrison and win it for Miz.
WINNER: The Miz
Well those are my two cents. I’m hoping this pay per view will at least be mildly entertaining but with all the rehashed replay matches they have scheduled make me skeptical. I’m pretty sure almost everyone of these matches except the Del Rio one occured in one form or another at Wrestlemania 27.
Either way comment below and let us in on your own predictions!
Raw takes place in the good old UK tonight. Those WWE fans in London sure can make some noise. We start out with R Truth coming down to gloat that he has a title shot at Extreme Rules. And I would like to point out that the Brits certainly have it together since they collectively booed at the mention of his name.
Yeah, Sheamus no longer has that belt.
Anyways, R Truth talks about how happy he is and that he’ll take on anyone at anytime. He’d probably threaten to beat an opponent in a tennis match or in playing poker games online if someone were to challenge him, such is his overwhelming amount of confidence. Almost in response to that sentiment, John Morrison’s pretty boy face comes strolling to the ring. Over the course of a round of jokes about R Truth being out of shape, lucky and a smoker, Morrison convinces R Truth to face him in a match where the winner gets his spot at the match at Extreme Rules. The big controversy about R Truth’s fitness stems from him drinking some water between fights during last week’s gauntlet match.
The match itself wasn’t too bad, its everything we’ve seen with Morrison and Truth before. It was kind of annoying for a few minutes hearing the King and Cole feud storyline still carrying on during the match. I wish it was just JR and Lawler commentating, because Cole is past the point of being likeable. In the end Morrison wins the match, for once actually landing his Starship Pain move off the ropes. So now it will be Miz, Morrison and Cena at the pay per view. But not so fast: as Morrison is celebrating in the ring, R Truth attacks from behind and carries out an assault on Morrison that last for a long five minutes. Truth must not have taken the water bottle teasing very well because he smashes a plastic bottle full across Morrison’s face. Then to add insult to injury he lights up a cigarette in the arena and blows smoke in his face.
WASS UP!?
I wasn’t too shocked that Truth lost the match because neither him or Morrison will win the belt at Extreme Rules. However, when Truth turned heel on us I was pretty amazed. I had no problem with it because it adds a bit of change to the WWE which is desperately needed, but I need to know what you the reader thinks, so make sure to comment below so I can know!
The next match we are treated to is the stupidly smiling Evan Bourne vs the new and improved Dolph Ziggler. New and improved meaning short brown hair and a “new attitude”. Hopefully new attitude means he won’t lose as much, which he accomplished by beating Bourne. The match was short but sweet, with Ziggler narrowly missing an Airbourne attack and retaliating with a Zig Zag to pin Evan.
When we return from commercial there is a music video tribute to Edge who retired due to a spinal injury last week. Make sure to tune into Smackdown this Friday when Alberto Del Rio holds a retirement party for Edge. I’m sure it will be hilarious and I hope Edge shows up and gives Del Rio one last ass whooping.
Unfortunately when we return Alex Riley and The Miz are making their way ringside. It was supposed to be a Alex Riley and Sin Cara fighting but instead we have to hear Cole go on about Miz like he wants to have sex with him and the Miz complain about how he now has to fight both Cena and Morrison. I actually feel for the Brits at the arena live because as we get back from commercial, the Miz is still talking! I still can’t decide whether he looks more like a piranha or a monkey. I’m leaning towards monkey after watching him tonight.
Finally Sin Cara interrupts by coming, followed surprisingly by John Cena, much to the chagrin of about half of the arena. The general manager then announces that it will indeed be a tag team match between Sin Cara/Cena and The Miz/Alex Riley. The match is another excuse to showcase the talents of Sin Cara, but it’s still a decent match even though I think we’ve seen almost all of Cara’s arsenal. Him and Cena win the match after Riley proves how much ass he sucks.
Sin Cara ring entrance. What the shit?!
Now I’m not trying to be sexist or anything but the diva’s match that happens next isn’t very worthy of mentioning. It’s basically a rematch except it’s Eve Torres vs the other Bella twin. Key word here – twin. It’s basically the same match. Long story short, Eve wins and then is rudely cut off by Michael Cole who wants to carry on with his supposed knighting for the night. (See what I did there?)
Oh boy….
During this ridiculous farce and waste of our time, Michael Cole is knighted by a bogus Queen who he disgracefully smooches with. I’m not sure how much further this guy can fall into the ocean of garbage juice. After the knighting (should have been a beheading!) “ceremony” Michael proceeds to call everyone in the arena peasants and demands that JR and Lawler get in the ring to kiss his fungus covered foot. Lawler and Ross oblige getting in the ring with full intent to kick his ass instead of kiss his feet. Swagger of course takes out Lawler before getting JR in the ankle lock submission to force him to kiss Cole’s fungal foot. Once again we get to hear Cole threepeat everything he says. For example – “Kiss it JR, Kiss it! Kiss my foot JR! Come on JR, Come on! Come on JR!” Friggin’ weak sauce Cole!
Im sure everyone in the U.K. appreciated this one Cole…
I don’t know how everyone else feels but I’m sooooooooo sick of the whole Cole storyline. It ran its course months ago and we can only hope he is drafted to Smackdown next week so we don’t have to hear him on this show anymore. He might even be cool again on Smackdown if he is away from Lawler.
The next match comes as a payback of sorts. Santino is already in the ring until Sheamus enters and explains how Santino embarrassed him last time the WWE came to England and now it was his turn. I was expecting something ridiculous from the United States champion but he beat Santino the old-fashioned way, which was no surprise. I’m actually liking that they are having Santino actually put up a fight in his matches instead of just being a huge joke.
Look, FELLA!
Our next match is one that we have seen all too often. Not just at Wrestlemania but weeks after and weeks preceding it. Yes I speak of Randy Orton v.s. CM Punk. Now even though it is a match we’ve seen numerous times it was a pretty decent one. Just straight up, two guys competing for the win, and when Randy did win it was a clean one. The Viper managed to get out of a GTS and wrap Punk up into a small package pin for the three count. Then of course the New Nexus comes out to stomp Orton into oblivion. *Yawn* When will this shit end? After stopping a seemingly roid raging Mason Ryan from finishing Orton off with a punt to the head as payback, Punk decides to take a shot. But Orton snaps up real quick to RKO him and escape the ring. Still a win and a final F*** You to Punk and the Nexus. A decent end to an okay night of wrasslin’. And a big shout out to the fans over in England because they were fantastically energetic all night!
Now next week is a RAW that no fan will want to miss, because you know what is coming…. THE DRAFT! Hopefully this will shake things up for the better in the WWE and stamp out some stagnant storylines and they can entertain us anew for another year. Everyone please comment below, because we love your feedback! And I’m real anxious to hear what people’s predictions are for the draft which takes place next Monday at 9pm on USA! Join us here at the Grizzly Bomb for coverage on the draft right after!
After what seemed like a long wait between Raws, tonight’s broadcast started off with John Cena’s moronic diatribe about how big his match against the Rock will be next year. Seriously John, I’ve already forgot about it because it’s a whole freakin’ year away, so let’s move on. And move on we do as Randy Orton enters the arena and gets in the ring, stating that someone who actually won their Wrestlemania match should get the next shot at the Miz. Orton is in turn interrupted by the idiotically named Prince of Parkour John Morrison. This guy is the last one I would want to see as a champion or even getting a title shot. Seriously, half the time he doesn’t even land his specialty move, but they just move on like nothing happened. This carries on for a few minutes as Dolph Zigler and R Truth both also come out to plead their case until the anonymous general manager computer chimes in. He or she states that a 5 man gauntlent match will determine who faces the Miz at Extreme Rules. (The next pay per view)
Before the commercial break we are told Edge has a big announcement, with rumors abound that his career is over. I kind of doubt it. Also we get to see Jack Swagger vs Lawler again, for the third time. If Lawler wins, he gets a piece of Michael Cole (again!) and if not he doesn’t. It would almost be worth seeing Lawler lose so the whole Michael Cole feud is over because I’m a little wore out from it.
When we return from commercial break there’s a strange promo with some crazy broad with an unseen face flicking the head off of a doll. Maybe it was Cole’s mom or something. Anyways, our first match in returning from commercial is Brie Bella vs Eve for the Divas Championship. Eve has the referee mark Brie’s hand so they can’t pull any of their switcheroo shit. Unfortunately through some distraction, Brie face plants Eve and pins her, effectively winning the Diva’s belt.
I’m not sure which one is Brie, but who cares right?
The next match is the Raw debut (first match) of new talent Sin Cara. It’s a refreshing change to see a new guy facing a jobber like Primo instead of all the usual guys fighting in the same matches week after week. And Sin Cara did not disappoint, because this guy has some crazy ass gravity defying moves going on. One didn’t work the first time but he nailed it the second try and it was so sweet it made you forget about the first one. I’m now eagerly awaiting Sheamus to attempt taking revenge.
After another commercial break we are treated to the Corre bickering with one another until Santino comes out with a group of superstars that he calls the Apple. Get it? Applecore? Yeah I can’t stand Santino either. Everyone in close proximity to him becomes as much of a joke as he is. Plus he looked completely fricking stoned, lord knows he has a terribly hard job being such a week to week turd. His group is made up of Daniel Bryan, Mark Henry and Evan Bourne. After a match that is already started before returning from commercial, we actually get to see Santino kind of wrestle against Heath Slater but unfortunately the horribly named Apple falls to the Corre. How ironic…. or stupid.
Even this guy’s action figure sucks at life…
After what seems like the twelfth commercial we are right into the Lawler-Swagger match. I don’t know what is going on for this episode of Raw but it seems like there are microphones placed all around the ring because we are treated to hearing the repeated droning of Michael Cole the entire match. And he repeats everything about four or five times. It was so annoying I had to mute the tv for the majority of the match. At the end in a gratifying moment, Jim Ross yanks Cole down from the ring apron and as Swagger goes to help him Lawler pins him for the three count. Lawler then makes his stipulation to Michael Cole, stating it will be a tag team match with Swagger whom Cole had just slapped for losing the match. So at Extreme Rules it will be Lawler and Swagger v.s. Cole and someone of his choice. Paint me not excited either way.
And now to Edge. My previous assumption was completely wrong as Edge did indeed announce that he is retiring due to his injuries and advice from his doctors. Even though I was never a huge fan of Edge it is too bad to see him go. He was one of the most popular superstars around at this point and it will be interesting to see who is able to fill the void left by him. I salute Edge for his years he put into the WWE for the fans.
Without further adieu the 5 man gauntlent match begins. It starts off with Randy Orton and Dolph Zigler. Randy Orton seems to have it wrapped up but before he can execute his RKO, members of the New Nexus interfere and Orton loses with a quick pin from behind by Zigler. Orton is then beat down by the Nexus members and they once again prove how badass they are by beating someone three on one.
R Truth is the next contestant and he handily beats Zigler, so it’s bring on the next guy – John Morrison. It’s seeming more and more like we are going to see a Cena/Miz rematch unless Raw actually shows some originality. Not suprisingly, Morrison misses his lame Starship whatever move and R Truth takes him out and has to face John Cena. As the match progresses, I can’t really decide who I want to win. I’ve never been impressed with R Truth and his rapper persona, but I definitely don’t want to see a Cena/Miz rematch. I have to agree with Miz when he says that the people chanting “let’s go Cena” are pretty much five year olds and girls while the “Cena Sucks” chanters are everyone else with half a brain. As the match goes back and forth it appears Cena will win the Miz and Alex Reiley jump in and beat them both up resulting in a double disqualification. Miz did this because he didn’t appreciate the “you can’t see me” gesture directed at him. Afterwards the GM announces that the Extreme Rules pay per view championship match will now be a triple threat match between Cena, R Truth and Miz. I guess that’s better than another Cena and Miz crapfest. Let us know what you all think in the comments section!
Wrestlemania officially came and went tonight. It sometimes sizzled, but most times fizzled. I watched it with my brother tonight, getting that nostalgic feeling watching it at times. And yes… we both know and have known for a very long time that wrestling is indeed fake. However, this is a tradition we do try to keep every year and it was for the most part very entertaining. Certain wrestlers we thought would emerge victorious did not in several matches, especially in the first match that we will start with.
Championship Match: Alberto Del Rio V.S. Edge
Surprisingly the first match of the night was for the World Heavyweight Championship belt that is usually retained by the champion on Smackdown, which is currently held by the Rated R Superstar Edge. His challenger… this year’s Royal Rumble winner Alberto Del Rrrrrrrriiiioooooo! And yes, he is a rich Mexican themed wrestler who drives out to every match in a Rolls-Royce. But down to business…
I thought for sure Del Rio was going to come out on top for this one. This guy has been built up on Smackdown for months now and it all culminated with a shocking win in the Royal Rumble. I knew for sure he wasn’t going to challenge the WWE Champion from Raw, so it was a given it would be a Del Rio/Edge matchup at Wrestlemania. What I didn’t bank on was Del Rio losing to Edge. I’m not so sure this will be the end of their feud nor the end of Del Rio as a contender, but one thing is for sure – Del Rio looked like a whiny little bitch after the match while Edge beat the crap out of his Rolls-Royce with a crowbar. I don’t know about you guys but I’d be intervening ASAP on someone smashing a car that nice.
Overall this was a pretty entertaining match, with little interference by those outside the ring by Del Rio’s ring announcer Ricardo and the rotund Brodus Clay. Plenty of spears and arm breakers to go around. Winner: Edge
Cody Rhodes v.s. Rey Mysterio
In this match we were able to see the Rhodes/Mysterio feud come to a head. You see, the once Dashing Cody Rhodes has recently had to wear a face mask to protect his face from further damage after reconstructive surgery. He needed the surgery, he claims, due to the devastating 619 Mysterio gave to him months ago. Apparently Rey Mysterio’s knee brace added a little more power to the infamous move.
One interesting moment was before the match began as Mysterio entered the arena wearing a Captain America styled outfit. I can only say at least he took off the ridiculous red gloves before the match started. A valiant effort Rey, but maybe you should lay off the superhero them.
The match itself wasn’t overly long, but filled with all the high-flying maneuvers that Rey Mysterio is famous for. The match took a ridiculous turn when Cody’s mask was removed (Interestingly I didn’t see any sign of facial reconstruction.) and used by Rey to headbutt him several times. Then to top it off, Cody used Rey’s own knee brace to pummel him and then finish the match with the Crossroads. Sorry little Rey, but maybe you can get some revenge on Raw tonight. Winner: Cody Rhodes
The Corre V.S. Kane, Big Show, Santino and Kofi
This match was a bit useless and thankfully short. Though it had plenty of superstars I normally enjoy, any match where the walking joke Santino leads them to a win is enough to make me puke. After starting the match, it instantly gets out of control once Big Show gets in to start destroying Heath Slater. After Ezekiel gets in to take out Big Show there is a flurry of specialty moves occurring left and right. Santino then does his patented Cobra strike to Heath Slater and Big Show finishes him off with a ham sized fist to the face, winning the match with a pinfall. I think the match lasted all of six minutes, so thanks for the throwaway match WWE. And also please fire Santino. Winners: Kane, Big Show, Santino and Kofi Kingston.
Losers x4
Randy Orton V.S. CM Punk
Straight Edge Scumbag
Another match with no title hanging in the balance, only a possible end to another long running feud between two fan favorite superstars. After all the skull kicking CM Punk and his Nexus minions have received from Randy’s foot, tonight was the night to end it all hopefully. The match was nothing special, but well paced and ending in true Randy Orton style…. with a mid-air RKO to end the match. Again, I am very pleased with the absence of all the outside interference that ruins the pay per view matches. Now maybe Randy Orton can get back into the race for the WWE Championship that has eluded him these past months. I can’t tell anymore if people want to see Randy as a hero or villain (Face or Heel). Personally I want to see him back at his twisted sadistic self, but against someone other than John Cena. Winner: Randy Orton
Orton loves kicking skulls…
Jerry Lawler V.S. Michael Cole
“Uhhh Derrrr…”
I couldn’t wait for this match because I’ve been aching to see Michael Cole get a real good beating because quite frankly I can’t freakin’ stand him. Hearing him drone on with obvious bias to the villains in each match was bad enough but then before the match we had to hear him even more on his trek to the ring. At least Stone Cold Steve Austin busted out on a four-wheeler to shut the little weasel up for a bit.
After Lawler comes out and some prodding to get Cole in the ring the match finally starts with Jack Swagger in Cole’s corner and Steve Austin as the special referee. Cole gets a cheap shot in on Lawler and beats on him for a bit until Lawler finally gets ahold of him. Swagger actually tries to throw in the towel to call the match off which Stone Cold promptly uses to wipe off the sweat from his bald head before giving Mr. Swagger a Stone Cold Stunner. Lawler proceeds to whoop on Cole until he taps out from an ankle lock submission hold. Cue applause and Austin and Lawler enjoy a few beers together in the ring before the general manager sends and e-mail announcement that commentator Josh Matthews reads to the audience.
It turns out the still “anonymous” general manager of Raw thought that Austin interfered too much on Lawler’s behalf and disqualifies him making Cole the actual winner. This must have been hard to announce given the fact that Michael Cole recently called Matthews a “faggot” over twitter. To make matters even worse in a stunning move (pun intended) Lawler throws Matthews in the ring to get a Stunner from Austin. Talk about killing the messenger. Inexplicably, Austin’s Tough Enough partner in crime Booker T leaves the commentators table to join Austin and Lawler in celebrating by doing his famous break dancing in the middle of the ring. Then, in what I thought was the funniest part of the night, Booker T begins to drink a beer offered to him by Austin before he is also given a Stone Cold Stunner. A huge geyser of spit out beer and Booker T on the ground follows with Austin smiling and saying something to the effect of – “I had to do it.” Vintage Austin. Official Winner: Michael Cole
Undertaker V.S. Triple H
“Nice hammer….”
This was the match that I think everyone including myself were waiting for and it was by far the best match of the night. Sure there weren’t any titles on the line or even a career long feud between the two. Triple H was just the next obvious choice to attempt breaking the Undertaker’s unbeaten Wrestlemania streak which at this point stood at 18-0. To make it even better this was a no holds barred, no disqualifications or count out match and these two superstars definitely took it to the limit.
They broke the spanish commentators’ table of course. They used the steel steps and a nice folding chair. They both executed their specialty moves, with Triple H using at least two Pedigrees on the Taker. But pin after pin neither of these wrestling behemoths would yield. In the coolest moment of the match, Triple H gave the Undertaker his own move: the tombstone piledriver. To add insult to injury, Triple H even pinned the Undertaker as he himself would but shockingly the phenom kicked out of the pin. Triple H finally resorted to going beneath the ring for his patented tool the trusty sledgehammer to finish things but was surprised by being locked into the Taker’s submission move the Hell’s Gate. After what seemed like an eternity Triple H finally gave several weakened taps of the hand to signal his surrender and now the record still stands…. 19-0. I have to admit I thought that Triple H might win the match and end the Undertaker’s streak but now I think the WWE will let him retire with the record intact, maybe after win number 20. Winner: The Undertaker
Snooki, Trish Stratus and John Morrison V.S. Laycool and Dolph Zigler
“I can haz cheezburger?”
This is actually a match that I couldn’t give a dead moose’s last crap about, because I hate Jersey Shore and everyone involved in it. Especially Snooki. But I will definitely let you know who won so we can stop wasting time with it. Snooki, Stratus and John Morrison won the match after we had to see the horrendous Snooki do a front flip and expose her jelly rolls to all. Thank you for that WWE. Winners: Who cares.
Main Event: Cena V.S. Miz (Champion)
This match was very much like the Jericho/Triple H follow up to the Hulk Hogan/Rock match-up at Wrestlemania 18; it’s a tough act to follow up. Try as this match might, it could not live up to the Undertaker-Triple H match that took place earlier in the night. It came down to the same stuff we see Cena and Miz doing nearly every Monday night and it just bored me. I fully expected Cena to win and when he didn’t I suppose that was the only surprise to come of it. I hate Cena but I definitely hate the Miz more so I was actually pulling for Cena to come out on top. The short match actually had a couple of surprising twists. Cena destroys Miz outside of the ring, at one point hurting himself too resulting in their joint count out. The title then stays in Miz’s hands. But wait, the Rock who is the host of this Wrestlemania comes out and begins to read a new e-mail from the general manager before stopping and smashing the computer. Rock then declares that the match will restart with no disqualifications or count outs. The match commences and in annoying fashion the Rock interferes with a Rock Bottom for Cena. The Miz pins him and wins. But the Rock isn’t finished, because he proceeds to attack the Miz also and gives him the most electrifying move in sports! (The People’s Elbow.) So a very lackluster ending to Wrestlemania which left a sour taste in my mouth. I was glad to have The Rock back but what a stupid way to end the biggest wrestling event of the year. Boo! Winner: The Miz
Well those are my two cents. I’m hoping this pay per view will at least be mildly entertaining but with all the rehashed replay matches they have scheduled make me skeptical. I’m pretty sure almost everyone of these matches except the Del Rio one occured in one form or another at Wrestlemania 27.
Grizzly Bomb 