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Movie News & Opinions

#7 – Countdown to Christmas: ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS

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I hope all of our readers are getting in the holiday spirit – our countdown is winding right down!  For today’s installment, I pay tribute to 1988’s classic comedy, Ernest Saves Christmas. As I’m sure you all agree, the collection of Ernest movies are the top-tier of incredible film making.  His characters are unforgettable, his facial expressions are laughable, and they exhibit the ultimate in story-telling and delivery.  Know what I mean, Vern?

In Ernest Saves Christmas, Ernest must – you guessed it – save Christmas.  Santa Claus is getting on in years and must pass down his profession to Joe, who Santa has chosen to carry on the torch.  However, when Joe is reluctant to believe and his lazy-eyed agent is annoyed by his presence, Santa is thrown in jail and must save Christmas – with the help of Ernest P. Worrell, of course.

Now, if it’s one thing Ernest can do, it is impersonate bizarre characters, and this film is replete with them.  His seedy congressman character springs Santa out of jail.  His dentally-challenged back country snake farmer gets Santa into a closed movie set to speak with Joe.  And who can forget the curmudgeon old woman with the neck brace – my personal favorite.

In the end, Joe embraces the magic of Christmas and steps up to be the new Santa Claus.  Ernest saves Christmas, it snows in Florida, and Santa can get back to being the Sultan of Agrabah.  It truly is a Christmas miracle!

I submit that if you do not find the character of Ernest enjoyable, you are either lacking a sense of humor or you were born without a childhood.  These movies are freaking hilarious.  Good for the whole family to enjoy.  Plus, as adults, we can make a nice drinking game and take a shot every time Ernest says, “Know what I mean?”

Ernest embodies everything great that the 80s had to offer, right down to his styling wardrobe.  Jim Varney (may he rest in peace) is like so many other great artists – his brilliance was never fully appreciated.  I won’t say he was type-cast, at least not to his relatives, but found a niche as one character and one character only, and played the shit out of it.  I have to give him major respect for that.

2/5 Snoopies, Vern!


Movie News & Opinions

#8 – Countdown to Christmas: NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS

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It’s no Hollywood secret that Tim Burton has lost it and hasn’t made a single good film in the last decade (probably because he keeps casting his psycho wife).  However, his first claymation attempt just happens to be one of my favorite movies, holidays aside.

Nightmare Before Christmas pairs together my two very favorite holidays: Halloween and Christmas; and throws in a little musical pizzazz, which I love!  The story centers around Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King, whose fame in Halloween Town is only diminished by his lack of interest in doing his job.  He is sick of Halloween, of scaring, of the routine; and wants to find something more meaningful to do with his life.

In his morose state, Jack wanders and finds himself at a cluster of trees, which the audience knows must represent the different holidays.  Here, Jack opens the door to Christmas Town where his life is drastically changed.

In Christmas Town, Jack feels a warmth that he is unfamiliar with and desperately tries to duplicate it.  When he returns to Halloween Town, he shares his discoveries and announces that the residents of Halloween Town will take over Christmas.  He sends kidnappers to snare “Sandy Claws” and begins his Nightmare Before Christmas, as it were.

Jack and his cohorts are impossibly scary, and he does such a poor job with the gifts that he is blasted out of the sky and it is announced that Christmas will be canceled.  Jack is distressed and heartbroken.  He returns to Halloween Town to release Santa, the only one who can save Christmas.

In the end, Jack realizes that he doesn’t need to take over Christmas or even be a part of Christmas to find what he is looking for.  Running Halloween is what he was born to do, but he has found joy and warmth in his love with Sally.

I’m a sucker for claymation, I don’t know why.  Blame the California Raisins I guess.  Couple that with the brilliant score by Danny Elfman and you have, in my eyes, a winner and a great holiday favorite.

I hereby dub this film 4/5.

TV

#9 – Countdown to Christmas: CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS

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There is nothing on TV that gets me in the Christmas spirit quite as much as A Charlie Brown Christmas.  Released in 1965, it is a timeless classic that endures for many fellow lovers of the holiday season. Charlie Brown we all know and love as the ho-hum, down-on-his-luck grade school boy with the yellow and black shirt.  In this particular made-for-TV special, Charlie Brown searches for the true meaning of Christmas.  In his conversations with his fellow classmates, he realizes how commercialized Christmas has become.  There are Christmas cards to give out.  There are pageants to organize.  His sister is more focused on her letter of demands to Santa.  Even Snoopy has bought into the hype, decorating his dog house like a Macy’s Christmas float.

snoopy-xmas

And then, Linus has the answer.  Readers, you may have a wide range of beliefs, but there’s something incredibly sweet and innocent about the way Linus recites the Christmas story.  There’s something incredibly poetic about Charlie Brown’s love for a wimpy Christmas tree, shunned by everyone, in which he can see so much of himself.  He is able to take something everyone sees as ugly and make it beautiful.  And then the kids sing with their faces in the air and their mouths open wide.

I have always enjoyed the humor and the heartwarming stories that the Charlie Brown cartoons have told.  The Christmas special reminds us to slow down at Christmas time and remember what it’s really about – celebration, family, of giving.

As a musician, I appreciate the soundtrack almost as much as the story.  Vince Guilardi’s jazz piano carols are some of the few holiday tunes I can stomach, let alone enjoy, every year.  All of these reasons make A Charlie Brown Christmas a top contender on my list of holiday favorites.

5/5.

Movie News & Opinions

#10 – Countdown to Christmas: WHITE CHRISTMAS

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To me, there are few films more classic and heartwarming around the holiday season than Irving Berlin’s 1954 masterpiece, White Christmas.  Comedy!  Drama!  Romance!  Song and dance routines!  Men dressed up as women!  This film really has it all.

White Christmas focuses around the vocal stylings of two of the time’s greatest singers: Bing Crosby and Rosemary Clooney.  Throw in colorful characters like “Mr. Slapstick” Danny Kaye, and “I’m not really singing but check out my sick dance moves” Vera-Ellen and you have a party just waiting to happen.

Crosby and Kaye play Wallace and Davis, two army vets who are now a somewhat popular traveling song and dance act.  Clooney and Ellen are the Haynes sisters, same profession, but slightly less popular.  The two pairs meet and in their adventures find a failing inn in Vermont that is owned by Wallace’s and Davis’ former commanding general in the army.  Determined to save their hero’s business, the four put on a show at the inn to bring in guests and revenue.  They put on the show (with a little relationship drama, of course) and the inn is saved!  Hooray!

This film also gave birth to the very popular holiday song of the same name.

White-Christmas

There’s just something about movies made from the 40s and 50s.  Sometimes I feel like they just don’t make them like they used to.  A good song-and-dance routine can really push me over the edge.  And men just don’t wear their pants as high as they used to.  Ah, those were the days.

4/5.

SPORTS

Grizzly Ranking: College Football’s Top 10 Defenses

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An analysis of strength of schedule, player injuries, home/away matchups, and performance revealed the nation’s top defensive units in college football.

Teams with impressive statistics, but lighter competition were commonly knocked down the list, while teams that fought through brutal schedules and significant injuries were not wholly penalized for their slightly lower numbers.

Separate from the pack, Big Ten and Southeastern Conference squads dominate the rankings, filling eight of the top 10 spots.

In the end, only two teams remain in the conversation for “best defense in college football”.

10) Virginia Tech Hokies

Antone Exum slows Georgia Tech QB Washington

Ranking eighth in the nation in points allowed (17.2 points/game), Defensive Coordinator Bud Foster led his rag tag bunch through an injury-plagued campaign. The Hokies lost multiple players in each level of the defense this season, but somehow managed to net a 11-2 record. Starring on defense, 2010 All-American CB Jayron Hosley registered three interceptions and 59 tackles despite suffering a hamstring injury early this season. He will consider leaping to the NFL in the upcoming draft.

Senior S Eddie Whitley helped hold the secondary together, providing leadership, stability, and 78 tackles. Redshirt sophomore safety Antone Exum filled in more than admirably in his first year as a full-time starter, leading all Hokies with 10 pass break-ups and 85 tackles.

The Hokies landed four players on the All-ACC second team- Hosley, Whitley, CB Kyle Fuller, and DE James Gayle.

9) South Carolina Gamecocks

Melvin Ingram tries to deflect a ball against Georgia

Freshman sensation Jadeveon Clowney brought a welcomed level of nastiness to the Gamecocks. The 18-year-old defensive end has already met lofty expectations with six sacks and 10 tackles for loss. Equally impressive, his senior adviser on the defensive line Melvin Ingram led the team in tackles for loss (13.5), sacks (8.5), and defensive touchdowns (2).He also helped secure a win against Georgia by running a fake punt 68 yards for a score.

These two monsters in the middle allowed the Gamecock defense to clamp down opposing wide receivers. South Carolina ranked second nationally in pass defense (133 yards/game), behind only Alabama. They also forced 18 interceptions, fifth in the nation.

Impressively, the Gamecocks held in-state rival and ACC champ Clemson 20 points under their season average in a 34-13 victory November 26.

Continue reading Grizzly Ranking: College Football’s Top 10 Defenses →

Movie Trailers

New Trailer: The Hunger Games

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The newest trailer for The Hunger Games is out and thank God it’s not another spinning acid trip in the woods.  For a while there I thought I was watching daytime outtakes from The Blair Witch Project.  With slightly less snot.

I will say from the top that I like the trailer.  It encapsulates the character of Katniss quite well, and I am more than pleased with Jennifer Lawrence in the role with what I’ve seen so far.  That and Donald Sutherland is basically a badass, so you know he’ll be awesome.  I can make my peace with Lenny Kravitz, I really can.  I’m sure he had the best acting coaches money could buy that auto-tuned his on-screen performance.  I’m sure he knows some guitar hypnosis voodoo to get what he wants.

I really have a hard time making my peace with Woody Harrelson because of what an obscenely awful actor he is.  He wasn’t exhibited much in the trailer, but I think this role should be a cinch for him.  He’s like Keanu Reeves.  Keanu has solid performances when he plays someone who has no clue what’s going on; because Keanu has no clue what’s going on.  In this film, Woody portrays a crazy drunk who tends to lash out in a violent rage.  Three shots of Tequila and he just has to read the script.

Anyhow, here it is…

I have high hopes for this film because I did thoroughly enjoy the book.  There is a wide margin of screw-up possibility, as in any book to film adaptation.  However, being that this was the only book in the trilogy that was actually worth reading, I’m excited to see it.  This new trailer really gave us a glimpse into Katniss’ life before and leading up to the games; her bravery in volunteering to die to save her sister’s life, her friendship with her fellow tribute, Peeta.  It felt inspiring.  Hopefully the film lives up to the hype.

Hunger Games will be released on March 23, 2012.