All posts by DrKronner

After years spent at various sites, Kronner finally found a home at Geek in 2012.
MOVIES

Grizzly Review: ‘Dylan Dog – Dead of Night’

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Dylan Dog has long been an Italian comic book mainstay, selling over a millions issues a month. For 25 years he has been investigating the undead and wooing his female clients. The famous PI is now for the first time, being introduced to an American audience in a different medium. Dylan Dog: Dead of Night opened this weekend and stared Superman Brandon Routh as the detective. His comic book sidekick Groucho has been replaced however, as it was apparently not feasible to obtain the likeness rights from the Groucho Marx estate. Instead we see Detroit Rock City star Sam Huntington playing a recently Zombiefied sidekick named ‘Marcus’.

Dylan and Marcus get called onto a case to look into a murder (aka ‘Death by Werewolf) and Dylan see himself sucked back into a life he thought he’d left behind. The first half of the movie is like old school noir (with a supernatural twist obviously) film, complete with a narration from our protagonist. It was like an old Phillip Marlowe movie, our run down detective, convinced the world is going to Hell in a hand basket, and adverse to evolving. In other words, my kind of guy. So here we have a mystery and a focus. And this last for maybe 40 minutes. Then Hollywood kicks in and that focus gets a little lost. We trade in  our narration and mystery for run of the mill Action/Comedy.

Granted the mystery is fairly easy to solve (especially for anyone who’s ever seen any old Detective movies), but it doesn’t matter since you’ve forgotten what the point is anyhow as you’re not wrapped up in the comedic parts. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed Sam Huntington’s struggles with his recent death and the problematic existence of being a zombie, but it just didn’t seem to fit the tone of the movie. It kind of reminded me of A.I. and how you could tell exactly where Kubrick left off and Spielberg picked up.

Now going in I had heard the movie compared to an extra long episode of Buffy, and I can see where those comparisons were drawn, but I don’t think it should be used as a knock. It was like Buffy in 2 ways…

1. In that people seemed oblivious to the existence of the supernatural around them, and that is was such second nature to Dylan. New Orleans in here is much like Sunnydale.

2. It felt like a TV show. Or rather that they were setting it up to be a TV show. It seems tailor-made to be a “Monster of the Week” type show. And one that I have to admit – I’d watch.

So the premise I really liked anyhow, but the execution…lacking. I like Brandon Routh, but this was not his best performance by any means. I’d be willing to overlook that however because he is likable, and he and Sam Huntington seem to play off each other well. I could watch a TV show based off of this, or even a sequel provided that they both return.

Kurt Angle and Peter Stormare both play werewolves, and Taye Diggs is a vampire. Angle’s werewolf looked like a mix between a Halloween mask and Teen-Wolf. Peter Stormare as always was over the top, but also not really in a good way. It wasn’t the strongest performance of his career. I blame the director and the screen writer though. The script needed the characters to keep telling us things that should’ve been clear, but weren’t. And the director seemed to rush all the non-action sequences…perhaps he should stick to video games. He certainly didn’t get the maximum out of his cast.

And the post production team – did you run out of money? It’s funny how you really only notice sound mixing when its bad. There were parts of the movie that actually looked VHS quality, and one scene wasn’t even the correct Aspect Ratio. The picture was all stretched out, like trying to watch a Full Screen DVD on a Wide-screen TV. My guess is they ran out of cash and had to just some footage they didn’t want to use as they couldn’t do re-shoots.

Now I know I’m doing a lot of complaining and nitpicking, but I’m just trying to be honest. All that said, I did actually enjoy the movie. Not great, but entertaining. And if they make a sequel (which I doubt as there were only 8 people in out theater) I’d watch it.  The characters, though a little cliché, are enjoyable and could carry more stories if just carried out right.

Anyhow, over all – I’d give it 3 Bears based on the characters and premise alone. I recommend a DVD or Netflix watch on this bad boy…

SPORTS

2011 NFL Draft: 1st Round Winners and Losers…

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The focus so far has been the 4 QBs taken in the Top 12 picks, but what jumps out at me is the amount of Linemen selected in the first round of the Draft Friday. 20 of the 32 players taken are will be either attacking or protecting the QB. A lot of teams reached for needs, which allowed a lot of other teams to get great value in their position.

Winners

The Cleveland Browns – The Browns have potential to be the biggest winner in the draft here, as they traded their #6 overall pick to Atlanta for the #27 along with this years 2nd and 4th rounds picks, and next year’s 1st and 4th round picks. Now I wasn’t crazy about them jumping back up later in the first from 27 to 21. They selected Phil Taylor, a DT from Baylor which isn’t a bad pick, but I’m not convinced they couldn’t have stayed put and still gotten him with the 27. We’ll have to see what else Holmgren does in the next few rounds, but so far you gotta be happy in Cleveland.

The Jacksonville Jaguars – The Jags had to trade up to get him, but with the 10th pick they got a Top 5 Projected QB in Blaine Gabbert. I’ve never been a Garrard fan, so to me this is a great value for them, even if they did lose a pick to jump up from 16 to 10, they got their guy. And while Gabbert can’t be happy falling to 10, this seems like a good fit to me.

The Detroit Lions – My beloved Lions. After years of ineptitude by the Millen Regime they seem to finally know what they are doing. DT Nick Fairley out of Auburn was projected as a Top 3 pick a month ago, but fell out of favor because of work ethic questions, much like Ex-Lion Shaun Rodgers. The difference here is, this Lion’s team has guys like Vanden Bosch and Suh, leaders on the D who will push those around them. The first organized player workouts in the NFL, after the lockout started, were those put together by Vanden Bosch. This is a great value at #13 and I think we have the guys to motivate Fairley into becoming a star. The Lions should now have the best D-Line in football.

Continue reading 2011 NFL Draft: 1st Round Winners and Losers… →

TV

South Park: Season 15 Premiere – ‘HUMANCENTiPAD’

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Let me start by saying that I think South Park is one of the smartest and funniest shows on television. It fearlessly attacks and satirizes everything and everyone. In a culture so disgustingly obsessed with being ‘politically correct’, South Park is a beacon of reason since they seem to try their hardest to buck that trend. So I was quite excited that the premiere of the 15th season had snuck up on me. It was a pleasant surprise to check my DVR after Justified and find a new episode. What was less pleasant was the episode itself…

The focus of the episode was around the Apple iPad. Cartman pretended to have one (of course) and obviously made fun of all the kids who didn’t have one. When he gets called out for his lies he turns to his mother for help. At this same time Apple shows up to abduct Kyle, which is a result of him clicking things before reading them. Apparently he agreed to an entire litany of things in the last update Apple sent him…which he did not read.

So Cartman convinces his Mom to forgo the waiting period before his birthday and take him to get an iPad right then. However, upon learning she cannot afford one, he proceeds to let everyone know she is ‘f–king him’. It’s metaphorical, but people then start to believe that she is actually molesting her son.

At this time Kyle is being prepped for surgery…Human Centipede style.

So while Cartman is telling everyone that his mom is f–king him (including Dr. Phil), Kyle is being made to eat a man’s poop.  The Steve Jobs then explains why this is gonna be the next best thing. Apple users eat it up.

Overall though, I didn’t get it.

I liked how smug and gullible they made Apple users seem (since I use a PC), and Cartman dropping F-Bombs was funny the first few times, but I just didn’t laugh. Not the way South Park normally makes me laugh. It addressed how dependent some people are on their Apple products, and how useless some of their innovations are, but that people will run out to buy the stuff anyways.

The Human Centipede stuff just missed for me. And don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t grossed out by the episode, and it was actually a nice nod to Human Centipede which is a movie that I kind of, sort of enjoyed.

Something just didn’t click for me here though. I give it 2 Bears.

GAMING

Call of Duty: Escalation (Starring Trejo, Rooker, George A. Romero, Freddy Kruger, & Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

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Call of Duty – Three words almost universally despised by wives and girlfriends everywhere. Well ladies, things are about to get worse. If it seems your man has been picking the controller up less frequently as of late, I hope you enjoy it while it lasts. Coming May 3rd is the newest expansion for the latest Call of Duty game, Black Ops. This is the second such expansion released for the game, as First Strike is almost 3 months old already. I know a few people I play online with still haven’t bought the First Strike expansion, but personally I’m happy I did, as ‘Discovery’ has become my favorite map in the game. The new add-on is called Escalation.

Here is a quick synopsis:

As indicated by the retailer leak, the DLC will include four multiplayer maps: Hotel, set “on the roof of a Cuban luxury hotel and casino against the vivid backdrop of old Havana”; Convoy, which offers up “intense, close-quarters combat at the scene of an ambushed US military convoy”; Zoo, set in a derelict Soviet-era animal park; and Stockpile, which is set in a small Russian town that contains secret facilities housing weapons of mass destruction.

Also included in the Escalation pack is a new level for Black Ops’ zombie mode. Today’s announcement gave no details on the mode, other than that it will provide a “unique Zombies experience.” However, the previous retailer leak referred to the level as “Call of the Dead.”

Ok, so new maps are always nice, but what’s really grabbing me here is the “Call of the Dead” aspect of the game. Long has the Zombie section of the game been a favorite of mine, and it is in fact the reason I bought both Call of Duty: World at War and Call of Duty: Black Ops. And while it was fun, it was obviously never a real focus for the designers. That’s about to change. Here is the trailer for the ‘Call of the Dead’ section of the expansion…

As our esteemed Technical Editor likes to say: Holy crap.

Not bad at all. Here are 4 luminaries in the Horror/Sci-Fi genre, brought together to voice characters not for a full game, but just a downloadable expansion to the game. That is throwing your budget around. Just look at this cast:

– Michael Rooker made his name with a lot of geeks in Mallrats, however was already established in the horror community for a decade prior with the title role in Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. And for the Zombie connection – he was in the first season of AMC’s The Walking Dead.

– Danny Trejo is one Mexican you don’t want to f–k with, or so he told us in Machete. Machete was of course a spin-off of Grindhouse, and Trejo has been in such classics as Maniac Cop 2, the From Dusk Till Dawn trilogy, and Rob Zombie remake of Halloween.

– Sarah Michelle Gellar is of course best known as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but has also appeared in horror movies like I Know What You Did Last Summer, The Grudge and Scream 2.

– Robert Englund has played Freddy Kruger over 50 times between the Nightmare on Elm Street movies and the TV show they inspired. Plus he has been in other movies like Wishmaster, Urban Legend, 2001 Maniacs, and Zombie Strippers! He is a horror icon.

And all of them helmed by the man most synonymous with Zombies – George A. Romero. If you somehow don’t know who Romero is…well, you’re just not a zombie fan. He is responsible for Night of the Living Dead and all of it’s seemingly thousands of sequels.


I’ll admit, on the last map pack download, I didn’t spend a ton of time on the Zombie stage, but this time around…I plan to.

TV

AMC’s ‘The Killing’: Episodes 1 to 5 – Suspect List

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Through 4 weeks and 5 episodes The Killing has given us a murder mystery full of political intrigue and family drama. That, and a wide array of suspects. A classic ‘who done it’ type that has the patience to build the story up for long enough, so that a one point or another, we’ll have to look at everyone.

The show started off with a missing girl and a police investigation. What was initially thought to be a prostitution exchange gone wrong lead Seattle police Detective Sarah Linden to a Mr. Stan Larsen. The man she assumed was in the fields with a young lady the evening prior. They turn out to be very wrong as the reason they were led to him in the first place, the credit card, was in the possession of his daughter – Rosie, who no one has seen for a few days. As Stan frantically searches the city for his daughter, Detective Linden, and her soon to be replacement – Det. Stephen Holder – find a car in the lake. In the trunk, they find Rosie.

The murder of Rosie Larsen is really no closer to being solved than in was at the end of the pilot, but Detective Sarah Linden’s suspect pool is growing…

Since the discovery of the body, and through 5 episodes, we have seen several suspects introduced. People ranging from fellow students and school faculty, all the way up to city officials. So, let’s start at the top.

Rosie’s body was found in the trunk of a campaign car for City Councilman Darren Richmond who is running for Mayor. The car was reported stolen a few days prior, but that doesn’t clear anyone. Here are the most likely suspects…

Darren Richmond – The almost perfect politician. A widower whose intentions are true and who is refusing to exploit the Larsen family even if it means he’ll lose the election. That’s not very believable. It’s easy to point a cynical finger at him as the viewer because he seems so squeaky clean. Aside from his secret relationship with Gwen, he appears to be the most morally grounded character on the list.

Gwen Eaton – Darren’s right-hand man – err- woman. Aside from their torrid love life, she is only ever shown working towards getting Richmond elected. And while Jamie is sure she is the leak in the campaign, Darren seems to sharp for that. There is something suspicious about her though, and I’m sure she’ll have some secrets pouring out any episode now…

Jamie Wright – The easy pick from this bunch. From episode one he saw Rosie’s death as nothing more than an opportunity to cement the campaign and advance his own career. He seems pretty morally ambiguous. The motive though seems absent as far as connections to Rosie.

Also within the political spectrum, Richmond’s enemies, people who benefit from seeing Richmond’s name tarnished.

Mayor Lesley Adams – The dirty Mayor, easy on crime – easier on big business. It’s clear that the only thing he cares more about than money is his legacy. And losing the election to a Do-Gooder like Richmond would not be good for said legacy. It’s not beyond the realm of believability to see him hiring someone to connect a murder to the Richmond name.

Councilwoman Ruth Yitanes – Now here is a real politician. She’s a long shot to be out killer, but she’s too involved with both Richmond and Adams to be ignored. She is greedy and conniving, and her husband employees a lot of people…

So it was Richmond’s campaign where the cops looked first, but they quickly changed focus to Rosie’s school…

Sterling Fitch – The best friend. The stupid best friend any how. Here she is, lying to the cops about where Rosie is, and every confrontation with anyone ends with her in tears. She was obviously jealous of Rosie, that why she wore Rosie’s wig when Kris and Jasper ran a train on her in the basement. But this crime seems a little brutal for her to have done…alone anyhow.

Jasper Ames – Here is the kid EVERYONE wants to be guilty. He is a spoiled rich, pompous little ass. He treats other people like toys for him to play with and discard. He has no respect for women of any kind, but seems deathly afraid of men that his daddy’s lawyer can’t control…including his father. This may well be our killer even though the evidence has pushed him from view for the moment.

Kris Echols – Jasper’s best friend. I guess. I don’t think Jasper has real friends, but this scumbag is pretty close. He seems to have run his course, but if things come back around with Jasper, he could be involved as well.


Schools aren’t just full of kids though, there are Custodians and Teachers there as well…

Lyndon Johnson Rosales – The pervey janitor. He liked to watch the kids having sex in the school basement. Yes he’s a perv, but I doubt he’s our killer.

Bennet Ahmed – That brings us to Rosie’s English teacher – Bennet. Over the last 60 or so minutes of showtime everything has pointed to this beacon of education. We find out he married the youngest daughter from Growing Pains one of his old students, and he wrote notes back and forth with more than one of his other female students. There were also allegations of misconduct from his old school where no charges were drawn as the girl in question was mentally handicapped. He is who the show wants you to think is guilty, but it’s just too early to tell…

And then there are the Wild Card picks. A few characters that seem to have no motive at all, but with 8 episodes left, who knows what’ll be uncovered.

Belko Royce – Stan Larsen’s right hand man at the moving company. Plenty of talk about ‘the old days’ which, while it hasn’t been explained yet, sounds ominous. He and Stan were obviously into something illegal. And while I don’t see Stan as a viable contender, Belko seems pretty gung-ho about collecting info on the case – perhaps to deflect suspicion from himself.

Michael Ames – Jasper’s dad. Said to have enough money to buy whatever he wants, perhaps he had Rosie killed. Maybe she overheard something she wasn’t supposed to. Anyhow, any one who could raise a kid like Jasper can’t be all good.

Det. Stephen Holder – Ok, not officially on the suspect list, but Linden doesn’t trust him, and neither do most of the audience to this point. He may or may not have both drug and gambling problems. Or maybe he’s on the take? The Lt doesn’t seem to have any faith in him either. Kris calling him out for his drug habit and the envelope of cash from the last episode makes you think there may be something there…

Mitch Larsen – So long as we’re drawing comparisons to Twin Peaks, how crazy would it be if the reason her mother is taking this so hard is because she is responsible? Unlikely, but not impossible.


So the question remains – Who killed Rosie Larsen? for a more In-Depth list, check out AMC’s Suspect Tracker. BUT FIRST, take a second to vote on out poll. Thanks.