All posts by DrKronner

After years spent at various sites, Kronner finally found a home at Geek in 2012.

Random-Ass Movie Reviews: The Rock

Back in 1996 Micheal Bay was and up and coming Director, with only the 1995 credit Bad Boys to his name, and pension for blowing things up. He had not yet sullied his name with predictably bad sequels like Bad Boys II or the Transformers movies. In fact, the movies he did in the 90’s, though now a bit cliché, were some of the decades best action epics.

The brightest spot on his resume has to be The Rock. This was a movie about a group of Marines who steal 15 chemical weapon powered rockets. They then threaten to launch said rockets against the city of San Francisco from Alcatraz Island, where they are holding 81 hostages. His demands require that all the men that has died under his watch, on Black Ops missions, be recognized as heroes and their families be rewarded a million dollars a piece from dirty money seized from weapons sales. His motives are actually noble which sets him aside from most antagonists in the genre. An honorable man pushed too far, the character is relatable and for that this movie is more than your run of the mill Dwayne Johnson/Vin Diesel movie. So in a joint operation, the FBI and a group of Navy SEALS must get onto the island and squash the threat. In 1996 I was all of 13, and when I walked into the theater I found my self thoroughly entertained for the entire 136 minute ride. Here we are now, 15 years later and the movie still holds up.

Our old buddy Nic Cage is our hero. He plays a chemical weapons specialist with the FBI named Stanley Goodspeed, and Sean Connery is basically an old James Bond. Ed Harris and David Morse play our missile thieves, and there are a slew of other recognizable faces as the movie goes on.

When we met Goodspeed, he is in the lab with Todd Louiso (High Fidelity, Snakes on a Plane) and Xander Berkley (24, Terminator 2) attempting to disarm a poisonous gas bomb. After succeeding he goes home to then learn that his girlfriend is pregnant, which only adds to his desperation to survive later on.

General Hummel (Harris) then makes the threat to launch the stolen rockets into the Bay Area. It is then that Goodspeed is called to San Fran because of his knowledge of the VX Gas used in the rockets. Once he arrives he meets John Mason (Connery), and we learn that Mason has been held, nameless and with no trial for over 30 years. Because however, he is the only man to ever escape Alcatraz, he is to be sent in with the SEAL team to guide them through the tunnels of the former prison. He is however told nothing of the rockets.

Once on the island, the SEAL team is led by none other than Michael Biehn (The Terminator, Aliens, Navy Seals, Tombstone) who promptly get his entire team killed. Nice job Mike! You can see Hummel takes no joy from having to kill more soldiers, but some of his men don’t seem to share his pain. With the destruction of the SEAL team, this leaves only Mason and Goodspeed to diffuse the rockets. And it’s only after Mason is let in on the real threat that he decides to help Stanley complete the mission. Thus truly begins The Rock as Connery delivers one of his greatest quotes ever…

So Mason and Goodspeed continue on in hopes of saving the day and are able to disable 12 of the 15 rockets before the John C. McGinley (Platoon, Se7en, Scrubs) led Marine team interrupts them. Things don’t end well for Dr. Cox however, as Mason lights his ass on fire. Booyah.

General Hummel then announces over the Island PA system that if the guidance chips removed from the rockets are not returned, he will execute a hostage. Upon hearing this Mason sends Goodspeed after the rockets and he heads to confront Hummel. This is the first time either of our heroes come face to face with the General, and it is not a battle of fists, but of minds as Mason and Hummel banter…

After this Goodspeed is able to take out only one of the remaining three rockets before being taken into custody. This now leaves Mason and Goodspeed prisoners, with the Marines still controlling 2 rockets.

Mason however did escape once, as it turns out, he still remembers how and they free themselves from their cells. Not in time however to stop the launch of one of the rockets. Luckily Mason’s instinct was right and Hummel is not a mad man, thus refusing to kill innocents. He diverts the rocket so it detonates underwater and causes a mutiny among his own men. The revolt, let by Tony Todd (Candyman, 24, Platoon) results directly in the deaths of Hummel, Major Baxter (Morse) and Crisp (Bokeem Woodbine). From here its a race to the last rocket and a question if Goodspeed can signal in time to call off the impending Air Strike. He does of course win the race and signal in time.

After this he is able to give Mason a give – his freedom. Goodspeed informs FBI Director Womack (John Spencer) that Mason has been vaporized. A lie that is helped along by Special Agent Paxton (William Forsythe). So Mason is free and all is good in the world.

I don’t feel that it would be a stretch to call this one of the best action movie of the last 20 years. I think this is before Michael Bay became so self-aware and you’re reminded of how he built his name. The pacing is good, really no lulls. The cast is great, and the dialogue, though often simplistic, is both powerful and memorable enough to quote. It’s a shame Bay hasn’t done anything of this quality in so long, but this is one of the movies that helped redefine the genre for the 90’s.

For what it is, I give it a strong 4.5 Bears.

Psycho Girlfriend: Season 3 – Ep. 4

Last month I posted an article about the internet show Psycho Girlfriend. (If you missed it, click HERE) At that point the show was up to Season 3, Episode 3. Well, good news. The 4th episode in Season 3 is now available. Check it out!

There you go, hope you enjoyed. I think there are only going to be 3 more episodes, but I’ll be sure to post them as they come out.

The Muppets: Green With Envy

Here is a movie that totally snuck under the radar when the poster came out, because well…it looks like some shitty Rom-Com. I mean, better than the average Rom-Com based just on the presence of Jason Segal and Chris Cooper’s name, but still a chick flick. The movie title reads ‘Green With Envy’ and makes no mention what-so-ever of out beloved Muppets…

So, keeping true to form, once you watch the trailer, you realize that Jason Segal doesn’t really do a lot of shitty movies. The hard part is not turning the trailer off before the 0:51 mark…

So a new Muppet movie, and Jason Segal actually wrote it. That’s good news, and keeping with tradition, this one will also be filled to the brim with celebrity cameos that include Zach GalifianakisJack BlackDonald Glover, and Danny Trejo just to name a few.

For those few who are unfamiliar with the Muppets, what’s wrong with you? Fix this immediately. >>> CLICK HERE

For everyone else, you may remember when Disney acquired the rights to the characters back in 2004, but since had done very little with them, save a couple TV specials and some YouTube videos

It’s nice to see them coming back to the big screen, and come November, I’ll be at the theater to see the newest addition to the Muppet Movie catalogue.

Finale Watch – The End of The Chicago Code: Another Shawn Ryan Cancellation

Tonight marks the 2nd time in that last year that Shawn Ryan created show, which is better than majority of the programming on Television, will be canceled after only a season on the air. The first was of course Terriers, which was one of my favorite shows ever. The next now is The Chicago Code. Tonight was the last episode of the rookie season for the show, and it will in all likely hood be the last episode ever. Unless however it’s gets a rare cable pickup, the way TNT did with NBC’s Southland, . That however is a ‘Hail Mary’ pass thrown up several times a year that almost never gets caught.

Continue reading Finale Watch – The End of The Chicago Code: Another Shawn Ryan Cancellation

AMC’s ‘The Killing’: Episode 9 – “Undertow”

After last week’s episode I’ve found a stronger interest in the show. Not that I lost interest, but this week certainly held more anticipation than the past few did. The show has found a flow as Linden and Holder have grown closer. Their relationship is what is now driving the show. Richmond’s campaign seems to be spiraling downward since going negative, and the Larsen’s have been promised that Bennett will be arrested soon.

We see Stan and Belko back to work, unloading a house and Stan is asked by a little girl for her bike out of the moving truck. As Stan gives it to her, you can see him pretending she’s Rosie. He puts her on the bike, and fixes the chain, and straps the helmet on her head. As he sends her down the road and tells her to be careful, it seems symbolic of letting Rosie go. Stan is moving on.

Linden and Holder’s warrant falls through and their wire is inadmissible. And Richmond? His release of info on Mayor Adam’s mistress has been spun by Adam’s to look like lies and Darren’s problems just continue to grow, as his supporters jump ship in the wake of the perceived lies.

As Richmond’s political aspirations dwindle, his buddy Bennett attempts to return to work. He garners support from neither co-worker or students, and his class actually walks out on him. If this isn’t a bad enough way to start the day, unbeknownst to him,  his wife has gone to Linden with the phone number of Muhammad she seeks.


Using the number given to them by Mrs. Ahmed, Linden and Holder track down the elusive Muhammad, but not before being confronted by Mitch Larsen. She is irate that Bennett is still free. And this is something that Stan is gonna hear about.

Richmond has hit rock bottom and must once again crawl to Tom Drexler for another handout. This time he wants $5 Million to fix the Somali community damaged by recent events and bad pub. He believes this will be the gesture that wins him an election. It’s a ‘Hail Mary’, or more accurately, a $5 million shot. Drexler gives Darren the Basketball and tells him the money is his if he makes it, but if he misses, he must withdraw his name from the race. Cut to commercial…

Once we return from commercial break we learn that Muhammad and Bennett didn’t kill Rosie, but have instead taken the missing girl from the Muslim community. They are trying to get her to Canada to help her escape her parents. Mitch then finds Rosie’s pink ‘Grand Canyon’ shirt in the wash and quickly realizes what we already know – Bennett didn’t kill her daughter. It’s realized too late however, as Mitch has already sicked her husband on the teacher. As the Stan and Belko open the back of their van we hear Bennett scream in terror.

Richmond returns to his office with a basketball in hand. This means of course, he hit his shot. He has his funding. The screen then cuts back to Stan and Belko as they proceed to beat Bennett. Beat him to viscously to hear Stan’s phone ring. Mitch is unable to call off the attack.

It’s a good follow-up to last week, but it does re-open the suspect list and it doesn’t get us any closer to a solution. Though, as many people have already guessed, the ‘Belko Theory’ gained some grounding tonight. As Stan is beating Amhed, Belko can be seen punching a rock in frustration. I give it a a solid 3.5/5 Bears.

 So who’s your guess?

Why America is, or at Least Should Be Rooting for the Bulls…

For the Non-Basketball (or at least Non-NBA) fans out there, you may not know that the Miami Heat and Chicago Bulls are currently in the Eastern Conference Finals of the NBA Playoffs against one and other. In the 82 game regular season the Chicago Bulls finished with the best record, winning 62 games and securing the #1 overall seed for the playoffs. Miami finished just a few games back at 58-24, and entered the playoffs as the #3 seed. Despite these truths, the Miami Heat are looked at by many as the favorites. It’s not often that the team that won the regular season is looked at as an underdog in a series, but here we are.

Chicago built a team largely through the draft, selecting players like Joakim Noah and Taj  Gibson, and drafting Derrick Rose #1 overall a couple of years back. Then added a slew of Ex-Utah Jazz players like Kyle Korver, Ronnie Brewer, and finally Carlos Boozer, adding the piece they needed down low.

They were quietly dominant this season, winning at a pace not seen in Chicago since Jordan left town.

Miami on the other hand was anything but quiet. Their off-season marked maybe the single biggest shakeup via Free Agency in NBA history. First re-signing Dwayne Wade, and then adding LeBron James and Chris Bosh. They weren’t done there though. They went on to also acquire Mike Miller, Eric Dampier, Mike Bibby, Juwan Howard, and Zydrunas Ilgauskas. Before playing a single game they exhibited extreme arrogance previously unseen, even in the NBA.

Now, I grew up in Detroit, so I’m a Pistons fan. That means I grew up hating the Bulls. But it’s surprising even to me, how easy it now is to root for Chicago as if it were my own team. That is how much I despise the Miami Heat. And that all comes back to ‘The King’. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say I was a Chris Bosh fan before this season. And I almost sorta liked Wade too, you know, until the wheelchair thing…

However, LeBron James has now tainted the entire team for me. A lot of people don’t understand my disdain for him, but to me it’s so obvious it’s insulting. LeBron and the Heat has ruined the NBA, but before I get into that, let’s look at LeBron’s rise first…

While still in High School he is annotated ‘the next one’ and gives himself the nickname ‘The King’. Before he’s done anything. He is then so concerned with his image, that while already an established NBA Superstar, at a camp he’s hosting, he get dunked on and conviskates the tape. Really LeBron? Instead of congratulating the kid on a nice play and laughing it off,  he and his handlers at Nike try to squash the thing. What’s gonna happen if it gets out? Are you not any good anymore? Grow up…

So anyway, he’s awesome. No doubt, but Cleveland can’t seem to get it done. And instead of taking his game to the next level – like MJ did vs the Bad Boys and the Celtics, he blames his team. This breeds ignorance for years to come as ‘LeBron Supporters’ will tell you that “Cleveland didn’t do enough for him”, which is of course total poppycock.

People seem to forget, in addition to paying him ridiculous amounts of money, they basically let him run the team. Brought in the guys he wanted, and he still  couldn’t get it done. It was his job to win, and he could not do it. People talk about the lack of talent around him with the Cavs – How about Zydrunas Ilgauskas, who despite injuries early in his career, went on to multiple All-Star games, and became the team’s clutch shooter and free throw specialist, over James. The team around him ‘sucked’ so bad apparently that they were able to secure the best record in the NBA his last season, and were marching towards the Finals until James quit on the team against Boston. So he chokes in the playoffs, again, and his fans blame the organization. I’m sorry, I thought they paid him to win the games, I thought that was his job.

So LeBron now Free Agency hits and ‘The King’ decides to leave his home state of Ohio. A state that loves him, and one that hasn’t had a Pro Championship since Jim Brown retired in the 60s. An entire state whose dreams rest on his shoulders, and to whom he promised a title. But does he leave this people who love him with a modicum of class or dignity? No. He instead holds an hour-long ESPN special called “The Decision”. This is where he’ll announce where he’s going. Keep in mind he has not told Dan Gilbert (Owner of the Cavs) his plans, and it is now late into the Free Agency period and Cleveland has been thus far unable to make a movie waiting to hear from James. So what is his decision: “I’m taking my talents to South beach”. Could you slap the fans of the Cavs in the face harder? Not only have you left your hometown team in the lurch, but you made a national spectacle out of it. One the fans did not appreciate…

So now here he is in Miami, a team that epitomizes a loser mentality. No wonder Jordan has time and again proclaimed that Kobe is better than LeBron. Can you see Jordan, or Isiah Thomas joining forces to try to win? How about Magic and Bird going to Houston to play with Hakeem? Never would have happened, because those guys were competitors. They wanted to prove they were the best, by beating the best. And the sad part, the NBA was much tougher then too. So not only are LeBron and Bosh and Wade weak for needing each other, they are doing it against a much lower level of competition. Today’s NBA is watered down and about to get worse.

As a result of this so-called “Super Team” in Miami, the ripples have already been felt through-out the rest of the league. Carmelo Anthony forced a trade to New York to play with Amare Stoudemire, and Chris Paul has already talked of joining them next year. This is going to give cities like Miami, LA, and New York unfair advantages, and the smaller cities, who will now lose their stars to these Super Team will struggle just to stay a float. Utah already had to ship their best player to New Jersey in Deron Williams because they knew they wouldn’t be able to resign him. That’s right, a perennial playoff contender: The Jazz, lost their star to a terrible Nets team because of their proximity to New York.

  All the while, the only remaining Mid-West Team is Chicago, who is winning without a bunch of household names, and is led by a humble super-star in Derrick Rose.

Miami on the other hand represents the chance for a title totally bought and paid for. Style over substance with a swagger totally unearned. Now maybe I’m bias because I saw one of the least flashy Detroit teams ever, whoop the snot out of a Hall of Fame rostered Lakers team in 2004 to win the championship.

But even my undying hate for Scottie Pippen isn’t enough to make me root against the Bulls tonight.

So I ask you: If you are a fan of the NBA, how can you root for Miami tonight?