The international trailer for Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained has been released. It’s mostly the same as the US trailer, with a few extra shots of difference, most notably, the inclusion of Samuel L. Jackson as a billed star in the film.
While the movie does look like it’s definitely going to be well crafted, I still can’t help but hold reservations on it. The James Brown soundtrack doesn’t work for me, but I understand it’s attempting a melding of the Spaghetti Western/Blaxploitation genres. What does work for me, is seeing Quentin Tarantino actually having a TRUE homage, with the final shot of the trailer, showing Jamie Foxx sitting with Franco Nero, who some may recognize as the original star of Sergio Corbucci’s Django. Even though that shot is included in the US trailer, I imagine it’ll play quite well with international crowds, where Sergio Corbucci’s name is more well-known. It would seem QT is continuing the long tradition of having a western revolving around a character named Django, even if he isn’t THE Django, from the original film. There are over 30 unofficial sequels to the original Django, as Italy has a long history of its filmmakers “borrowing” character and movie names to help a knockoff films chances at the box office. Tarantino seems to be falling right in line with this idea, only he is celebrating that character and tradition, rather than looking to make a quick buck off a name brand.
That’s Franco Nero on the right, the OG Django. He doesn’t look happy.
I always hold fast to the rule that you should never truly judge how good or bad a movie is until you see it, (see: Battleship), so I’m trying to stay positive with my feelings about Django Unchained. Maybe I’m just being overly negative, but Death Proof was really bad, and Inglorious Basterds was such a self-aggrandizing mess, it’s taken away the immediate optimism I used to have for Quentin Tarantino’s films. Regardless, like all of his films, I’ll end up seeing them no matter what, because for better or worse, nobody really makes movies like Tarantino. He has an undeniably unique voice, and is accomplished at doing what he sets out to do. [Ed. Note – Death Proof andInglorious Basterds are both awesome.]
2007 – One season of Spiritualism, Transcendence, and Pure WTF sauce.
David Milch is a curious show creator. He is most famously known for his HBO series Deadwood,Luck, and ABC’s NYPD Blue. One of his most ambitious series, that was never much appreciated in its time, and even outright loathed by many, was John From Cincinnati. It only had one season, and its first episode debuted with a huge lead in from The Sopranos Finale. This may or may not have hurt its chances right from the outset, as many Sopranos fans were upset by that shows controversial ending, and were not ready at all for the slow-paced, heady, and very confusing pilot that was John From Cincinnati. Even I’ll admit, its pilot, while intriguing, wasn’t necessarily good. It was the definition of what you’d call a rocky start, and was really coasting on its Milchian pedigree.
John From Cincinnati is about a famous family of surfers, who all befriend a mysterious stranger named John. The Yost family are all highly dysfunctional, and barely stand each other. Mitch Yost, the elder and most famous surfer is overbearing, self-centered and distant from his wife Cissy, and his own son Butchie. Butchie is a formerly famous surfer too, now washed up and addicted to drugs. The only thing keeping them together is Butchie’s son, Shaun Yost, a surfing/skating prodigy, who is in the custody of Cissy and Mitch. All of them harbor deep psychological issues and baggage they are holding onto, be it guilt, regret or some unfulfilled promise. John’s presence, the moment he enters their lives, slowly begins to change that, in ways they never could have predicted, and in ways that nobody could possibly understand at first. It’s these changes we first see, with Mitch Yost, ironically and literally floating inches into the air, mysteriously hovering, against his own will. These changes continue, with Butchie, the previously mentioned drug addict, who has gone broke, and can no longer afford his fix, but finds himself not suffering heroin withdrawal. John himself is a simple looking, plain clothed man in his early 20’s who has a habit of parroting speech back at whoever speaks to him, but still manages to communicate with intonation, body language, and the select few original words he speaks, all with a sense of gravitas and meaning to them that is mystifying and entirely logical at the same time. Now that’s just the Yost family, and John continues to help and change every single person who comes into contact with him. The show features a huge ensemble cast of characters, all with their own unique problems that John, in turn, one by one, begins to help in his own special way.
It’s a show that is nearly impossible to sum up in a single sentence, but in my many attempts to tell people why the show is great, I’ve found a way to effectively communicate what the show is about, and what its audience should expect to get from watching it. JFC is about transcendence. It’s about very real, very damaged characters, with borderline unsolvable personal issues, finding the means to heal themselves, mentally and sometimes physically, with the very presence of John arriving. He is a conduit to our own self discovery, and shows us, literally with our own words, the way to a new level of being. The shows title sequence alone hints at its spiritual and extraterrestrial nature.
The show also has an amazing soundtrack.
In no way am I a spiritual person, in fact, I am just the opposite, but I’d recommend it to anybody who would be willing to watch it past episode 2, (titled, ‘His Visit, Day Two’), and tell me they are not the slightest bit intrigued as to what happens next. It is simultaneously arresting and obtuse, confusing and entirely logical, difficult and intuitive, and it is not in any way a simple show. It is not a show that you can kick back and relax to watch. It demands your attention, it demands your thought, and most of all it demands you reflect on it’s meaning.It demands you find your own issues that are plaguing you, to question them yourself, and to assess your life’s amount of baggage, and judge if it is necessary to still carry it. It’s a show that is NOT for everyone, as many will watch it and just be confused, or see it as a meaningless David Lynch style ripoff. For those willing to give it a chance, it just might literally change your life. It’s not a perfect show by any means, but it IS an important one.
I can only hope reading this has made you want to watch it, because something like it doesn’t come along too often, and I’d argue that out of all the brilliant television David Milch has made, it is his personal best.
Tonight’s Raw was 3 hours long, which usually means we get around 30 minutes of actual wrestling, and 2 1/2 hours of video packages and skits. So I was not surprised when Raw began with John Laurinaitis entering the ring, closely followed by Vince McMahon, who is here to give Mr.Laurinaitis his performance evaluation. On TV. Like all normal chairmen do. Watching the whole segment was a series of weirdly and poorly rehearsed dialogue that was botched continually by both men involved, and many of their lines were flubbed so often it made me start looking at the abundance of misspelled crowd signs, many saying “your fired” (sic).
So the two old executive types argue for a bit about Laurinaitis’ future, with Johnny L himself claiming to have been serving the people’s wishes, (which he has, people just don’t realize what a great heel character he is), until Sheamus shows up and throws insults at Laurinaitis, making Big L schedule a match for Sheamus, because all insults and transgressions in wrestling are settled by a match. Vince then tells Laurinaitis that if the match isn’t impressive, and if every match In the show tonight isn’t up to par, then he’ll be fired. As I Thought, it’s YOU’RE FIIIIIRRRRRED Vince who is partially returning tonight. Vince then crashes Laurinaitis’ super scooter off the stage, ruining one of Laurinaitis’ better character props. I imagine that backstage he was using it to try to gain sympathy from other wrestlers, playing up the wounded lion card as hard as he could, not realizing everybody knows that it’s not even needed for kayfabe reasons, but he truly thinks he’s a mastermind duping everybody and looking totally awesome while doing it.
Sheamus’ opponent is revealed to be Lord Tensai, who I really can’t stand and is probably the only person I’d cheer for Sheamus to defeat. Between the two it’s a match where two boring invincible white guys fight each other until Sheamus manages to brogue kick Tensai and nab the win. After his defeat by Cena, Tensai is now broken, he’s lost his undefeatable power and possibly his mystical asian powers too, and is now just a normal Tensai and has lost his rights to Lordship. Or something. Either way, it was a boring match.
Backstage, Vince McMahon tells Laurinaitis that match is strike one towards Laurinaitis getting fired. To be fair it was a pretty horrible match, and Johnny starts to scramble for ideas and actually asks Teddy Long for match advice. This might as well be career suicide because Teddy has never made an interesting or creative match ever. His entire thought process is:
Wrestlers? Feud? “Lemme Hep you a minnut playa!”, Impromptu Tag team match? Feud settled? ??? Dancing!
This is all he knows.
Teddy suggests a 4 way elimination match with Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, The Great Khali, and Christian, which aside from being a very loosely associated group (former world champions? Khali had the belt? What a dark and horrible thought). He stipulates the winner will face Sheamus for the title at No Way Out. This isn’t too bad, because it means either Ziggler or Christian will end up at No Way Out, unless they’ve gone full retard and really decide to push Great Khali as someone who can do anything other than painfully limp around and fake chop people. Of course, Vince loves the idea and Laurinaitis sends Teddy off to get coffee. This is a new/interestkng spin for Teddy’s character, and him becoming the downtrodden matchup genius who is stymied by his superiors, and gets the credit for his booking ideas stolen, is a neat one, and I’d be into it, if it was literally anyone with a booking history other than Teddy Long. But WWE hates continuity, so we’ll have to keep pretending like Teddy is some kind of matchup genius who has been unjustly wronged. Surprisingly, we return to the ring, where Tensai is insulting and attacking his man-servant Sakamoto, because he’s a big angry baby who hates losing.
Then there’s a video package commemorating the upcoming 1000 episodes of Raw milestone, by showing a 2009 clip where Seth Green showed up and hosted/wrestled, because THAT was a defining Raw moment, somehow. Seth green, wrestling legend. You know. Because that makes sense. Anyhow, we cut to R-Truth talking up the match between Big Show and John Cena at No Way Out, until Big Show’s fist Monty Pythons its way into the screen, smashing R-Truth in the face, knocking him out cold. We barely even see Big Show, he walks away really soon and the camera just focuses on R-truth laying unconscious.
Assuming that Show plans to continue to do this to the entire roster, it makes me think that Big Show’s new contract also includes secret invisibility powers, because HOW do you miss that man coming at you fists clenched? Maybe he got detachable rocket fists with his new contract, or some kind of psychic ability to innately stay out of peripheral vision? Anything to explain R-truth and John Cena both not noticing GIANT FISTS coming at them somehow.
It’s been a long time since I’ve seen an inter-gender tag match, but the match itself was fairly entertaining, as Ricardo is a talented spot taker, and Santino is at the very least, good at comedy matches. Plus the inclusion of them in the match made this pseudo-divas match last longer than the usual 2 minutes in its entirety. Beth wins the match by defeating Layla, and Ricardo starts celebrating as if he’d won himself. Santino then jumps up, and rips off Ricardo’s dress shirt, revealing a purple Justin Bieber shirt underneath. And that’s a sentence I just typed. Wow.
Apparently Ricardo isn’t a true Belieber.
Backstage David Otunga is talking with Vince McMahon, and is trying to snipe Laurinaitis’ job, IF he gets fired. Vince counters that he doesn’t like people who “pucker up”, backstab others, or lawyers. Which is weird, because of those three things, only Lawyer is something Vince hasn’t forced others to do or has been himself. Clearly he’s forgotten his whole reign during the Attitude era. Kofi Kingston enters demanding a match with Big show, in revenge for Show taking out R-Truth earlier, and Laurinaitis calls his incredibly stupid bluff, and puts him in a cage match with Show. So let’s look forward to Kofi Kingston hopefully getting WMD’d into oblivion, and never wrestling again, and we’ll finally be free of the suffix “Boom” being added to wrestling lexicon in any way shape or form.
Thankfully, we cut to Daniel Bryan who starts a promo about his triple threat match with himself, CM Punk and Kane at No Way Out, and proceeds to comment on the interaction between all of them and AJ. It’s a decent promo, and it furthers his character motivation for winning the match at No Way Out, and then CM Punk appears. Punk lays down a bevy of insults towards Daniel Bryan and continues his backhanded compliments towards AJ by stating again that he digs crazy chicks. They trade insults and hints towards their respective ROH past, and Punk basically explains out loud, that despite Daniel Bryan saying he’s sold out, he’s still the same guy he was last year when he made his 4th wall breaking promo. This is interesting, because a lot of fans have criticized Punk for basically acting like a heel, despite currently being face. In effect, this explains his actions, as he hasn’t actually changed his admittedly dickish, heelish behavior that much, he just has more fans now. It’s a good thing, because it makes sense, and goes a long way towards setting up his inevitable heel turn in the future, whenever that may be.
Punk continues insulting Daniel Bryan coming up with a new chant for anti-Bryan fans, by calling him goat face. The crowd chants “GOATFACE GOATFACE”, which is pretty funny any way you slice it. These two have great chemistry together, and I could watch them wrestle and/or argue all day. Then Kane has to come and ruin it all with his fire music, and walks in with a mic, and says dumb things about how eeeeeevil he is, and how he’s gonna win the championship. Then of course, AJ enters the ring, and actually starts to begin a possible LOVE TRIANGLE (wait, 4 people… Love Square? Whatever) storyline with Kane, claiming she saw that he has a heart, deep down, after looking into his eyes. Which really proves that she IS crazy, because he’s KANE. The guy who literally drags people to hell, sets them on fire, and is a goddamned rapist. So I guess that match at No Way Out isn’t just for the WWE title, but also for AJ’S LOVE. Which kinda makes me wish I was a wrestler and could be in that match, because screw the title amirite? But sadly, this is not the case. I’m imagining the worst case scenario being this whole thing turning into a situation where she seduces all three of them and they have the worlds worst 4-way, and we’re forced to see Kane, Punk and Bryan all Eiffel Tower AJ while Zack Ryder films it for his YouTube channel. Thank god we don’t live in the dark world my mind creates, because that would officially be The Worst Thing.
Regardless of that horrible image I put in your head, there was no video of this segment yet, so this picture will have to suffice.
“Once You Go Bryan, There’s No Point In Tryin’, AWWW YEAAAHHH”- Actual quote by Daniel Bryan during this segment I wish I had video of.
Laurinaitis then interrupts, and borrows a page from Teddy Long’s handbook, and schedules all 4 of them to have a tag team match. It’s an hour and change into Raw, and so far we’ve had two matches of actual wrestling. I’m hoping that this isn’t the precedent that will be set for the July 23rd change, when Raw permanently becomes 3 hours long. Who am I kidding, of course it will be.
Great Khali is not a wrestler. He cannot wrestle. He is bad at his job, and is only there to appeal to Indian wrestling fans, which is a sizable demographic, so i understand why he’s necessary, but holy crap is it impossible to employ an actually talented wrestler of Indian ethnicity? Even Jinder Mahal is a lousy, boring, borderline racist jobber. Get someone talented, named him the The Bollywood Basher or something, and fire Khali. The man can barely walk, I’m sure he just wants to relax and rub some icy-hot into his probably aching joints. I’m also sure he’s a great person in real life, but holy crap I do not want to see him chop people anymore. It’s awful.
So after Khali is eliminated, the match picks up greatly, and we get a great series of setups and spots between Dolph Ziggler and Christian, that leads to Ziggler finally getting a clean win and becoming the #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship. It’s about time Ziggler gets his due, because he deserves to be at the top, and even if he loses his match for the title, it’ll advance him further as the best #Heel in WWE.
For Realsies.
This scene with Vince and the Funkadactyls is notable for two reasons:
1.) It finally gives the Funkadactyls actual purpose and character, even if they’re kinda annoying.
2.) Vince McMahon summoning Brodus Clays music, disco ball, and mood lighting OUT OF NOWHERE is goddamned funny. Dude’s got swagger.
Follow it up with Zach Ryder standing there, reacting exactly the same way I did, made it even sweeter.
Ryback’s jobbers this week are named Willard Fillmore and Rutherford P.S Hayes. Anytime you get historical presidential references in WWE, it’s a guaranteed awesome moment, even if they’re doomed to be power bombed to death. If anything this needs to continue, where each week the Jobbers Ryback wrestles get more and more bizarre, until he’s literally pitted against three 4′ 8″ historically accurate wrestling versions of history’s major players. This week! Ryback vs The Founding Fathers, Benjamin “Shocker” Franklin, Thomas “Sugar” Jefferson, and John “The Cock” Hancock! Then Ryback ends the match by ripping up the Articles of Confederation and forcing them to write the Declaration of Independence.
Or maybe he’ll just keep Goldberging new local skinny guys to sate his man flesh addiction. Either way, I’m looking forward to it.
Back from the break, we see Vince McMahon getting back in touch with his illegitimate child, Hornswoggle (seriously, thats WWE canon), and then John Cena enters to convince McMahon to fire Laurinaitis, by belittling him. Vince then tells Cena to NOT interfere with Kofi Kingstons ma… his mat… Sorry, his MAHahaahahah sorry, Kofi Kingstons MATCH (pffft) against Big Show. The thought of Kofi up against New Monster Big Show in a cage match is actually laughable to me. Anyhow, then McMahon considers giving Cena some sort of involvement in tonight’s show. Otunga enters, and gets insulted by McMahon, we see William Regal looking sad, and we all die a little inside.
Surprise. Big Show wins. Kofi sadly doesn’t die in ring. Next.
Sin Cara is back on Raw again, and brings his mood lighting with him. I’m not sure why he has mood lighting for his matches, but I bet it can’t be beneficial to his vision with that mask on. Maybe its same sort of thing where he summons mood lighting via his presence alone, and it’s an ability he learned from Vince McMahon. Anyhow, Sin Cara does a bunch of flips and pins Hawkins. Sin Cara racks up another win, and maybe one day we’ll get to see him wrestle someone interesting.
Backstage, Vince approaches Daniel Bryan. This segment is for all the Smarks out there, who are aware of Vince’s propensity to not hire guys who he thinks are “Too small” to compete in the WWE. He likens Daniel Bryan to someone you would see on the street and never expect to be a wrestler, let alone a world champion. We’re then treated to a glorious moment where Bryan utterly shuts down Vince by bringing up his previous firing, his subsequent re-hiring and proving everyone who doubted him wrong, and most of all, proclaiming (correctly) that he and Vince are both self-made success stories. Vince then smugly reminds him of his 18 second Wrestlemania loss, and wanders away, because making a real point would take an effort. Daniel Bryan brushes it off, and readies himself for his upcoming match. Then we’re told that John Laurinaitis has invited a former superstar to compete in tonight’s show, in commemoration of the 1000 episodes of Raw thing again.
And the former “Main Eventer” is: VADER. Holy crap! I didn’t even know he was still alive!
Vader shows up, looking in surprisingly good shape for a dude his size and age. The crowds enthusiasm for Vader alone, begins to wear against Heath Slater’s stamina, and we all know a stiff breeze can take him out. So it’s pretty unsurprising when the fans begin chanting “Vader Bomb”, and Vader then ends it with a Vader Bomb. Cutting to AJ, we see Punk comforting her by assuring her that he’ll keep her safe in the match, and AJ responds with her continued Overly Attached Girlfriend act, and kisses him on the cheek.
This matches whole dynamic is pretty much a glorified handicap match. CM Punk literally even says so in an earlier segment. Punk accidentally bumps into AJ and the Ref for some reason considers it a tag. AJ then enters the ring and faces Kane. She stares at him for a few seconds, smiles, and then starts SKIPPING IN CIRCLES AROUND HIM, LEAPS INTO HIS ARMS, STRADDLES HIM, AND FULL ON KISSES HIM ON THE MOUTH. It was astounding. I never thought I’d EVER say this, but holy crap, Kane is getting to first base on Raw, consensually! Furthermore, I’m ODDLY JEALOUS OF HIM. Kane stands there, dumbfounded, and utterly confused, tags in Daniel Bryan, and probably tucks his boner back, when out of camera. Daniel Bryan steps in the ring with AJ, and she tags in Punk, who quickly elbow drops Bryan and wins the match. Kane walks away, still puzzled and probably horny, while AJ sits in the ring and smiles oddly at CM Punk, and generally just looks adorable. Everyone else in the world, is f*cking confused.
Returning from the break, Vince McMahon struts back out into the ring, surrounded by security guards to give John Laurinaitis his performance evaluation. Laurinaitis enters the ring to be evaluated, and Vince tells him the guards are here to escort Laurinaitis out of the ring, after he fires him. John then argues for his job using People Power as the backbone of his argument. Right before Vince can fire Laurinaitis, Big Show interrupts, and enters the ring. Big Show backs up Laurinaitis, mentions how his Ironclad Contract can let him do whatever he wants, and even if Vince fires him, he’d end up paying him millions of dollars,(MILLIONSOFDOLLASMILLIONSOFDOLLASMILLIONSOFDOLLARS!)for many years, to do nothing. Which sounds like a pretty great contract if you ask me.
Show then brings up every stupid costume, appearance, promo, backstage story and embarrassing moment in his career, blaming it on the behest of Vince McMahon. Tired of being his dancing monkey, Show declares himself a GIANT (WCW yay!), rallies against John Cena, and of course, is interrupted by Cena himself. Cena charges down, tries to blame Laurinaitis for all of his and Show’s problems, ignoring all of the completely valid reasons Show has given over the last two weeks for his actions. He then tries to say that Show is somehow selfish or greedy for being mad at having to do stupid bullshit for 14 years, and then suggests that if Show doesn’t beat him at No Way Out, somehow Show will have nobody to blame but himself for his actions, which makes as much sense as AJ falling for Kane, but I digress.
Cena then calls Show a sell out, and asks him what will happen if Show loses? Vince then says he’ll be at No Way Out, and makes a new stipulation to the match. That stipulation being if he loses, he’ll fire Laurinaitis on the spot. Show then attacks Cena, the body guards intervene, and Show starts throwing them around too. Laurinaitis and McMahon then try to stop Cena and Big Show from fighting. Big Show accidentally knocks out McMahon, and is then put on backstage time out by Laurinaitis. The show ends on a shot of Vince McMahon, unconscious.
Then they took his shoes and wallet.
So, this is probably what we’re gonna start getting come July 23rd. A 3 hour show, with around 40-50 minutes of wrestling at best. That’s not to say I wasn’t entertained by tonight’s Raw, I definitely was, but the pacing has been better than the first hour consisting of only 2 matches. I’m going to remain optimistic, and hope that the new format will force them to structure their shows better, and improve Raw overall.
Once again, If you’ve not read the books, STOP READING HERE! Major spoilers abound.
Episode 8: The Prince Of Winterfell
This episode pays off the one of the main changes from the books, and effectively gives Ros The Wonder Whore a reason to have been around, other than her breasts, instead of the whole Alayaya/other whore/switcharoo, we get basically the same outcome, only with Cersei thinking Tyrion’s prostitute lover is Ros. Cersei holds her at ransom, to ensure Joffreys safety against Tyrion, because she think’s he’s plotting to kill him. This, readers will note, is foreshadowing to what happens to Tyrion in Book 3, and probably foreshadows Ros’s execution to be in Season 4, (revenge by Cersei), when we finally, finally, get to see Joffrey die.
The scene between Davos and Stannis isn’t quite different, as much as it is the second half of an earlier conversation they had in the series, that was split up into two different parts. This conversation in the book to me, defined Stannis to a T. He’s the kind of guy who would thank you, and honor you with knighthood for smuggling in food to save all the lives of the people during a siege, and then turn back around and punish you for smuggling. He is bound by duty to punish you, but will lessen it by only taking the tips of your fingers, rather than the whole hand, in recognition of the good you’ve done. He’s the creepy older uncle type who sits in his castle all day playing building models, and his brother is the young, cool, hipster guy who throws awesome parties. Unfortunately, it’s Stannis’ duty to be King, and he’ll take what is his by right, because it’s his duty. It’s prevalent in the series, but not as concrete.
Arya actually makes a pretty brilliant turn, and picks a different name at first from her third name in the novel. She thinks to name Tywin, but can’t find Jaqen and loses her chance. I can’t remember her third name in the book being anybody BUT Jaqen, since she required his help to escape. In the book, she pretends to be delivering a message, and even stabs a guard in the throat herself to get out. I was sad to see this scene missing, because it was a pretty awesome moment in the book.
Again, almost everything with Robb in this is new, since he wasn’t even a POV character in the book, but the basic reason for Catelyn stupidly letting Jaime go stays the same. Robb’s urges getting the better of him and having sex with Talisa are there, and we see his the beginning of his downfall, the second he drops her robe and lets the name “Frey” disappear from his duty, and his honor dies, like his poor dad did, only way more sexy and with 100% less beheadings.
Over the wall, the scene between Qhorin and Jon discussing him defecting is abridged, and ends up having pretty much the same outcome, as we’ll see later in the show, but one of the bigger differences, is Sam and Grenn finding the dragon glass weapons, along with the Horn Of Winter, which Mance Rayder had in the books, and we haven’t seen or heard about yet in the show at all. I’m assuming it’s the Horn Of Winter, unless the show is double faking us out, and making multiple horns, and the future series will have horns that have weird horny effects, and everybody starts getting really horny and… Sorry. I’m getting off topic. The point is, the little changes here, are gonna be a big deal later. The last change I noticed, was Asha actually showing some affection and love for Theon, which was a great difference from how she treats him in the book. It was a great scene, and added to their respective character depth.
Episode 9: Blackwater.
This episode is mostly the same as the chapters from the book, only with its perspectives changed around, and previous details that were changed, adhered to in turn. There was no chain to trap Stannis’ fleet, and Stannis’ fleet was MUCH smaller than the literal half page of named ships in the book. They seemed to purposely leave Davos’ fate ambiguous, along with his son, who we know dies in the book. Tyrion is still attacked by Ser Mandon, but no real context is given to who he is, and one could easily miss the fact that he was betrayed.The other rather significant change is the far less literal depiction of Ser Loras showing up in Renly’s armor. In the book, this was taken as Renly literally rising from the dead to fight and defeat him, and may not even have been Ser Loras in the armor, The entire vanguard in the book was supposed to be led by “Renlys’ ghost”, but has been changed to Tywin and his alliance with Ser Loras winning the war by coming in and taking them from the back. Stannis does notice Renly’s armor, but it’s a very subtle scene that lets the viewer decide it’s meaning, until it’s shown to just be Loras a few minutes later. A definite downgrade, as Renly’s ghost was a huge WTF moment for me as a reader.
Episode 10: Valar Morghulis.
Hoo boy. Where to begin? I guess I can first start by saying, that there’s officially no Ser Dontos pretending to be the rescuing knight for Sansa. In the book, she believes Ser Dontos is her ticket out of the hellhole she’s in, and is the reason she keeps refusing offers to get out from others. In the show now, they’ve seemingly cut him out entirely, and just gone straight to Lord Baelish up and telling her he’ll get her home. If this means we’ll get to the Lysa/Arryn/Baelish murder plot reveal sooner, remains to be seen, but it was definitely a revelation for me in book 3, where we find out almost everything was Lord Baelish’s machinations. So this change, while small, may lead to yet another future change, that will be big. Joffrey deciding to wed Margaery Tyrell, in the manner he chooses, is also a change, as that wedding doesn’t really come into play at all until book 3, and I’m hazy as to whether it was first planned in CoK, or A Storm of Swords, but either way it’s different. The scene with Varys turning Ros into one of his “little birds”, so to speak, will assuredly pay off with some kind of new scene in the future, since it’s not in the books at all. Ros is a character that is simultaneously frustrating and intriguing, because she personifies the changes in the story, in a way, and just like the changes, I sometimes hate her, and other times find her great. What we can all agree on, is she has great breasts, and ultimately, great breasts make anything easier to accept.
In the book, Shae genuinely seems to care for Tyrion, which makes it such a shock when she is forced to betray him so terribly later on. The show did a lousy job showing this, right up until this added scene, with her telling him to leave all the BS behind, and go with her to live together. It’s very well acted, and genuinely tugs at the heartstrings to see such a big man, (in spirit), come to tears with emotion.
Over in Stannis’ camp, he starts to really wig out and choke the hell out of Lady Melisandre. This never happened in the book, since by this point, she has him totally around her finger. In the show though, he’s clearly questioning his judgment and trust of this woman, but she turns him once and for all, making him gaze into the fire, to see the visions she sees, cementing him as a R’hollor zealot. In the book, he’s been far gone for far longer. Back to Robb’s story, the main change of his continues, with his love for Talisa being proclaimed to his mother. She has a great dialogue that actually makes a solid argument for arranged marriage, but he’s not having it. In the books, if I remember correctly, I believe it’s at this point where he just drops Jeyne Westerling on her, revealing that he plans to break his deal with the Freys. Then again, this could be in Book 3, but regardless, he’s sealed his fate, and marries Talisa.
Theon’s story continues, showing new scenes between him and Maester Luwin, expressing great doubt over his decisions, and truly questioning everything he’s done to come to this point, where he’s facing almost certain defeat and death. It goes a long way towards making him a much more tragic character, rather than the lying, backstabbing bastard he was in the book. His speech and the subsequent interruption, beating and blackbagging by his own men is all new, since the book just shows the battle with Roose Bolton’s bastard attacking and allegedly killing Theon. Soon after, there’s a new scene showing Maester Luwin’s death, and he officially gives them their mission to go north, rather than the Reeds, like in the book.
Now, nearly everything about Daenerys’ scenes in the show at this point are different. Everything. Xaro Xoan Daxos didn’t have an empty vault, he didn’t turn Doreah heel, he didn’t get Amontillado’d by Dany as punishment. Her entire scenes inside the House Of The Undying where totally and absolutely different, in many ways. In the book, this is a much stranger scene, where she enters willingly after having drunk a potion made by Pyat Pree. She is given instructions to only take doors to the right, and only take stairs up. During her exploration, she sees many doors on the left, showing many prophetic visions of the past, future and things that couldn’t be. She eventually reaches the right door, and makes her way out, and all the readers collectively wonder what the hell they just read, until all of its prophetic meaning becomes obvious in later novels.
Here’s where they made one of the biggest changes in the whole series, and in my opinion one of the best. In the book, the House of the Undying is almost certainly illusory. It’s a trick, and while the prophecies it shows of the Red Wedding come true, the things happening in it, aren’t “Real” for lack of a better term. By not including these prophecies, the show runners have given us NEW, more subtle, and nearly fourth wall breaking prophecies to decipher. Fourth wall breaking, in that they’re for book readers and show watching alike, to both decipher. In particular, Dany entering the Iron Throne room, now broken and covered in snow, reeks of symbolic meaning that wasn’t in the book. Does this mean Winterfell will be breached by the icy threats north of the wall? Does it spell doom for Westeros, since this would mean that Jon and Nights Watch have failed their duty? This is further compounded, by showing her leave the room, exiting The Wall itself! Is it her fate to go north? What will she find there? The questions abound, but none of these changes and the new questions they raise rival the last big change, where Dany is reunited with Khal Drogo.
Aside from being one of the most emotionally impacting scenes in the show, it’s also one of the most curious. They both embrace each other, and both openly question what they are experiencing. As the viewer, we’re left to interpret this scenes’ “trueness”, and wonder if Dany really is speaking to Drogo here? I personally like the idea that this literally is a real section of the afterlife, and she literally is speaking to Khal Drogo’s spirit, who has spat upon his journey into the Night Lands, and has been waiting for her since. Also with him, is their unborn child, adding further question as to what exactly this place is, and the nature of it being an elaborate illusion, or an actual gateway into the afterlife.
It’s a scene akin to the buddhist belief in the Bardo, a word that translates to “intermediate state”, and is a religious concept, where one exists between the two states of existence, being after death and before rebirth. In this state, one’s consciousness isn’t connected with their physical body, and they see and experience a variety of phenomena, memories, and symbolic hallucinations. The show creates the possibility that Dany has entered this state via the House of The Undying, and is effectively getting her rebirth, prematurely via Drogo’s choice to wait for her, making this scene, and their love, truly unique and something revelatory in its importance for the show, and the finality of death therein.
Of course, I could be looking too much into it. I guess what I’m saying is, I really liked this change. A lot.
The last change, is the manner in which the Whitewalkers attack the Wall. Sam wasn’t there to see them, and the scene of him, Edd and Grenn hearing the horns and running in terror is taken from the prologue of the third book, only the book had three entirely new characters instead. It’s a change that left everybody clenching their teeth, ready for the REAL war to go down, and ended the season pretty perfectly, and I think, better than the book ended, which I don’t even remember.
That being said, the amount of changes the story has seen, while being seemingly minimal, are overall adding up. This is a going to be a continuing effect as the series goes on, as changes build upon more changes, and spiral either somehow back into the story we know, or diverge entirely into new things. I honestly can’t decide if it’s something I dread or look forward to, but it’s there, it’s happening, and we’ll have to accept it. That being said, I am optimistic, as the show in and of itself, is still excellent, and consistent within its own storytelling and development. Sometimes, change is good.
As some of you out there might know, Wizards Of The Coast has been asking its fans to help with the playtesting of their new version of Dungeons and Dragons, tentatively codenamed, D&D Next. Aside from that terrible codename, this is a novel, and ultimately beneficial idea, since every D&D fan will at best have a new version that unites us all back together, and prevents further “edition wars”, and at worst will leave only ourselves to blame for this new edition being weird and broken. So it was with glee I looked forward to printing out the playtest packet, and giving it a go with my gaming group, to see how it works.
Half of us were D&D 3.0 veterans, and myself, although having played 3.0 before, was mostly familiar with 4.0. I often play as a DM (or Dungeon Master), as I find the amount of roles, people, and monsters to play lacking when playing as a Player Character. I enjoy hamming it up, making voices, reading flavor text, and surprising players with interesting twists, monsters and brutal, brutal death descriptions. I am not a power DM, as some are. I see no point in effortlessly dispatching PCs left and right, since I control the flow of the game, and killing them to me grants no rewards and feels hollow. The reward is seeing my players have fun, not watching them die horrible deaths I railroaded them into.
As funny as it is, this is not what I like to see as a DM.
So legally, I cannot discuss specifics, however I can describe the basic things I liked and disliked. Now that you know what kind of DM I am, it’ll help you understand when I say that so far, this version seems far more focused on enhancing story elements, blending flavor text and hard statistical information more fluidly, rather than simply having long, intimidating charts, tables and lists of numbers. The information presented in the monster manual, spellbook, character sheets and nearly everything else all make great efforts to give all flavor text actual meaning in terms of gameplay, and interaction. You can ignore it if you want, but that’d be counterproductive in my opinion, as this is one of the better blends I’ve seen in a rulebook for D&D, and nearly any RPG I’ve seen. After reading through the rules, adjusting to the newer combat systems, reading the new character builds, and quickly skimming through some classic monster archetypes, I gave it a shot, and had my group run through the sample dungeon they provided. The game packet said you could play it one of two ways, in the classic “Theater of the mind” style, and the newer, now standard, gridded mat & miniature style of gaming. Since the feel of the game seems much more old school, I decided it’d be appropriate to try it the old-fashioned way, entirely with pen and paper, dice, and imagination only.
The way it was meant to be.
My players chose their characters, a fighter, a cleric, and a wizard, all classic D&D roles that have been in the game since the very first version. We opened up with the three of them arriving in an Adventurers Guild, where many adventurers were waiting in line to acquire and/or renew their Adventuring License, ( I enjoy throwing weird anachronistic concepts in my games), where they met one of the Quest Masters of the Guild, named Master Debatoor, who took their formal request for an adventure. He pointed them in the direction of the line for License renewal, and they began to wait in line. I know some of you are thinking, how could this possibly be fun, but things like this CAN be fun in D&D and any RPG, it’s all in how you play it. For example, Master Debatoor (yes, that was his name), was an old british sounding man who tended to ramble and was rather dumb, and my players had a fun time playing tricks on him, and exploiting him horribly, which we’ll get to in a moment.
One of my players started a mild uprising of all the Holy Knights waiting in line, who began chanting “KNIGHTS! KNIGHTS! KNIGHTS!”, which led to guards approaching and the whole Guild being distracted, allowing the leader of the party, Skar Ballbreaker, Slayer of Giants, to pay off the attendant Licenser, who stamped out their new Licenses immediately onto metal plates, letting them skip the wait in line. They then took the quest from Master Debatoor, and haggled over the pay amount. In a particularly clever and probably lawful evil move, one of my players forced the Master to give him more pay, by offering a wager, that the poor, dumb Master accepted before hearing the full conditions. After accepting my player declared the wager to be a poison drinking contest, wherein the first one to die, loses. The player, being Skar Ballbreaker, Slayer of Giants, and a dwarf, had quite a resistance to poison, and this revelation of the nature of the contest, sealed the Masters’ fate, and he was forced to forfeit, giving up triple what the original pay of the quest was, being supplemented from his personal income. Not being able to afford this, the Master begged for some sort of debt, or payment plan. The player of Skar, being a car salesman in real life, used a strong charisma check to get the master to agree to a horrible payment plan, that would effectively make him pay 200 gold pieces a month for the rest of his life, with interest. The Master, accepting defeat and almost eternal debt, left the Guild hall weeping openly.
So on my players went, foraging through a forest until they found the dungeon. Upon entering they had three encounters with three different staples of the D&D monster canon, Kobolds, Orcs and Goblins. They managed to fairly easily cut through all of them, avoid most of the traps, and successfully find the magical artifact they were sent to retrieve. Along with some of the treasure and loot that the goblins had gathered, they found a pile of treasure that included a burlap sack of testicles, taken from their many victims. Being Skar Ballbreaker, he claimed this “ballsack” was his, and the other two players “Larry”, and “David” (I know.), scrounged the dead for weapons and more cash. They returned to the Guild, found Master Debatoor, and demanded payment. The poor Master, not having the full amount, begged for some kind of mercy, or a decrease in the wages he was in debt for. My players thought, and promptly decided to force the Master to consume the bag of testicles, bag and all, to reduce the debt by 50%. The Master did this, the entire time, weeping, retching, vomiting, and then being forced to eat that same vomit to “finish the deal.” Afterward, the players took all of The Masters money, as well as the allotted money allowed by the Guild Council given for the quest initially, and left him be.
The end.
Not pictured, Quest Masters being forced to eat testicles.
Horrible story aside, the combat was fast, and moved along briskly, with no players spending a long amount of time mulling over possible decisions, or spending time thinking about what their best possible attack could be, or what power to use to boost other people’s attacks. In short, it was a refreshing breath of air from 4th edition, which works fine at lower levels, but anything higher than 10 and you literally start accumulating powers in the 10’s, all with myriad effects, and all with lots of stats to micromanage. Each player quickly knew what to do, how to do it, and rolled accordingly. Some of the new additions to combat, including the new rules for determining surprise, and damage/attack bonuses were very neat additions that I liked a lot. The main issues were not that the monsters seemed underpowered or weak, but that the melee character, seemed far more overpowered than the ranged, magical characters. Through 3 encounters, back to back, Skar (the fighter), took only 5 damage, and only got hit once. The other two players took a reasonable amount, and used the new healing mechanic after taking a short rest between leaving the dungeon and returning to the Guild. The healing mechanic itself seems fine, and works as well or better than the “healing surges” mechanic 4th had.
All in all, we had fun, the system was quick to learn, and despite some balance issues with character classes, the game seems to be heading into a positive direction. It feels a lot more like classic D&D, and avoids the thick stack of papers and stats your old 3.0 ed characters would turn into, and simultaneously avoids the “WoW board game lite” feel, that 4th ed can be like if not DMed properly. I got a kick out of managing everything in our imaginations entirely, and dug the new, but familiar combat system. D&D Next/5th edition/ whatever, still needs some major tweaks, but this is a great step forward.
2009’s Star Trek did what many considered impossible, and that was to make Star Trek hip, fun and exciting for a general public. Now most nerds like me, (and the millions and millions of Trekkies out there), have always found Star Trek fun and exciting, but JJ Abrams shot some lifeblood into a series that was admittedly getting stale. Nemesis anyone? Yeah. So after the movie came out, was a huge hit critically and financially, we all expected a sequel, because Star Trek and sequels is just a given. And we waited. And waited. We bought the blu-ray, the crossover/tie-in comics, and we waited more, and nearly 4 years later, we’ve finally been given a small glimmer of the hope that we had from the first film the moment we popped in that DVD and fired up the deleted scenes.
Klingons.
To explain, the original cut of 2009’s Star Trek, had a scene where the villain, Nero, spends some time in a Klingon jail, and broods for years thinking of his revenge on Spock, because what else is an angry Romulan to do? It was a tease of a scene though, and we only got a glimpse of some of the Klingon helmets, which were evidently suited to accommodate their large forehead ridges.
Let’s just not mention the whole ridges/no ridges continuity/new continuity debacle ok?
So during the MTV Movie Awards, JJ Abrams was in some kind of skit, about something having to do with MTV, and I’m not sure what it was because I don’t watch MTV because I’m not a 14-22 year old brainless girl. Enterprisingly enough, (I know, I hate my puns too), JJ took it as an opportunity to hide in it a still of a Klingon from the NEW Star Trek movie, that is finally being developed. Here’s the skit, but you can skip to the still itself below, and nobody will judge you.
Hopefully we don’t have to wait much longer for more firm details on the movie, as right now everything is a guessing game, other than the presence of Klingons. Personally, I’m hoping for some sweet Gorn on Gorn action…
That’s what I’m talking about.
Also, if you missed them, we have a couple of set photos from the movie HERE.
That’s Franco Nero on the right, the OG Django. He doesn’t look happy.
Grizzly Bomb 