Daily Archives: September 11, 2012

MOVIES

Craptastic Review: Riki-Oh (The Story of Ricky)

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“It’s Evil Dead 2, Braindead, and the Matrix…times ten, turned up to eleven!” (DVD tagline)

After watching the first half of the Chinese film Riki-Oh, I contemplated not being able to appropriately label a review of the film as “craptastic”. Also, I contemplated not being able to hold my bowels. I found myself through the duration incredulously gasping “Holy shit!” and thus, could not decide if it was a fair that such a strong visceral reaction could warrant a review that would fit into the same category as those of Grizzly Park, DIEner, and Mega Piranha. However, after the title character Ricky (Riki) punched through yet another face as if it were made of wedding cake, I realized that this film was a redefinition of ‘craptastic’: loose plot, campy acting, and grotesque physical effects combine to deliver a highly entertaining romp through a futuristic 2001 (remember, the film is from 1991) Chinese prison.

The plot revolves around Ricky (Fan Siu-wong), sentenced to who-cares how many years for murdering the crap out of a guy who gave Ricky’s girlfriend the drugs that eventually led to her suicide. While rushing at said murdered guy, Ricky takes five bullets in the chest. No big deal. Did I mention that Ricky has super human abilities? No? Well let me explain…

Ricky is a bad mother. Through the movie, he routinely calls on supernatural forces that are never explained besides some references to the devil inside him. This results in punching through body parts, reattaching, then using, severed arteries, and, well, I don’t want to give up too much. Depending on the cut you can find (I found it on Netflix instant stream), the movie is rated NC-17 or R. Netflix has the R version, which obviously means I missed out on more ridiculous gore. ‘Tis a shame. ‘Tis indeed.

http://youtu.be/Vxd08Sp_FdI

The plot continues as Ricky realizes the injustices of the prison he occupies, and he sets out to make changes to the order and mistreatment to his fellow, weak, inmates. (Side note: except for Ricky and the antagonists—the Gang of Four and the Assistant Warden—every other character would be someone’s girlfriend in the US prison system) The result is an explosion of outlandish fight scenes and visual effects that have surpassed the film in fame. At points the make-up and transformations made me directly think of 1986’s Big Trouble in Little China. You know the guy that puffs up and explodes? Yep. Delightful.

For those of you old enough to remember someone other than Jon Stewart as the host of Comedy Central’s The Daily Show, you may remember that Craig Kilborn’s version of the show routinely used a head smashing scene from the movie, seen here:

If that isn’t enough to motivate you, try this stellar use of dialogue:

After Ricky disembowels an enemy, the same guy uses his intestines to strangle Ricky (no, disembowelment is not enough to kill him silly) and the assistant warden cheerily yells, “You’ve got a lot of guts, Oscar!”  I hope that was just poor translation.

Anyway, I give this Craptastic movie a three out of five g-bears.



Movie News & Opinions

What We Know About ‘Red 2’

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After the critical and box office smash that was 2010’s Red, fans of the original film are getting excited about the upcoming 2013 sequel, Red 2. Bringing back most of the original cast plus some excellent additions, the Red series is turning out to be a geriatric version of The Expendables, which is pretty geriatric on its own.

The sequel was announced in January of 2011, with the entire original cast settling negotiations by later that year. Since then, numerous actors have been signed on to the project including Catherine Zeta-Jones, Lee Byung-hun, David Thewlis (Professor Lupin from the Harry Potter movies), and even Anthony Hopkins. Dean Parisot, who directed the brilliant Galaxy Quest but the so-so Fun With Dick and Jane, signed on to direct, which both increased and decreased the film’s potential simultaneously. If science proves to be true, that means absolutely no change was made to the film’s potential. Moving on.

As of right now, not much is known about the film except that the gang reunites to face new enemies in Europe. With that being said, I doubt the setting and plot of the film will play much of a factor into its level of adrenaline-fueled fun. I’ll admit, I was one of the people who was initially disappointed by Red when I first saw it in theaters back in 2010. Maybe the humongous age gap between me and the central characters played a part in it, but I can honestly say I walked out before Helen Mirren made it on-screen.

But after re-watching it, Red proved to be quality action cinema. The Expendables with a little more brain and about 50 collective years of age added to its cast. Red is a fun flick that will hopefully spawn a halfway decent sequel. I’m a huge Dean Parisot fan and I’m sure that, unlike Simon West’s directorial contribution to The Expendables 2, he’ll find a great way to either improve or reinvent the material of the original film, which rested mostly in the surprise that came from Helen Mirren shooting a .50 cal, among other things.

Sadly, Ernest Borgnine’s passing will prevent him from participating in the film, but I’m interested to see how the recent additions to the cast will play against the original members of the group. One thing that really relieved me was how the casting focused on talent as opposed to the biggest names in Hollywood. Ladies, I’m sorry to say that one of the Hemsworth bros will, in fact, not be participating in Red 2. As talented as they both are, Liam felt really out-of-place in Expendables 2, and he successfully out acted everyone in the cast except for Jason Statham.

Getting back on track, Red 2 is probably going to be a cool flick. Though somewhere deep down I hoped to see Richard Jenkins attached to this somehow. Anything that guy touches turns to old, I mean, gold. Thinking about it, wouldn’t it be funny if the cast of Red and the cast of The Expendables 2 teamed up for one giant movie. It’d be almost too much for one screen to handle. Then again, Bruce Willis would literally have to play Frank Moses and Mr. Church in the same movie. Double the Willis, double the disdain for humanity. I can see it now.

Check out the first Red 2 poster below:

THE INTERWEBS

Lizzie Bennet Diaries: Get Your Austen On

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Here at Grizzly Bomb, we know that many of our readers are men. Most of you are not married, don’t have kids, and are under age 35. Based on all these criteria, I’m going to take a wild guess and say many of you don’t read. Those of you who do read probably grab the latest Tom Clancy novel or at the very least a comic book.

I highly doubt any of you have or want to read Jane Austen.

In some sense, I don’t disagree with you. I just finished reading Pride and Prejudice for the first time in my life last month and there were times I wished I didn’t have to keep flipping back to the chapter notes to figure out what that word meant in Austen’s time. However, in the end, I felt like I had not wasted any time and felt deeply satisfied, even rewarded, with finishing a classic story.

I don’t blame you for wanting to watch her.

But how often do your mothers or sisters reference Austen, and they brush you aside as illiterate because you don’t know what they’re talking about? What about your girlfriend who keeps nagging you to watch the 5-hour BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice, but you’d rather prefer watching Keira Knightley if you had to watch a version at all? Don’t worry; I know how to save you from further situations like these.

Now I’m not here to argue that you must sit down and read Pride and Prejudice (though it really wouldn’t hurt); what I am proposing is you give at least the basic Austen storyline a chance by watching the Lizzie Bennet Diaries on YouTube.

The Lizzie Bennett Diaries takes the characters, concept, and plot of Austen’s much-beloved classic and converts it into modern-day, relevant videos. That’s right – you won’t need to read about how the word engaged actually means busy because the Diaries use updated language to explain the same themes of Pride and Prejudice. In fact, the web series is written in the form of vlogs, where Lizzie reports on the goings-about of her life, just like we’re used to seeing with people like iJustine.

Lizzie can’t help if her sister Lydia jumps in on her vlog to high-five the audience sometimes.

Here are some other perks to watching the Lizzie Bennett Diaries:

1. There are attractive actresses playing the roles of the three sisters, Lizzie, Jane, and Lydia.  Not to mention they are just plain good actresses, too.

2. The videos are short, around five minutes long at maximum, which is way easier time to commit than a whole 5-hour sitting.

3. Like the modern-day language used, references are made to popular culture to help make the series even more relevant.  For example, in episode 45, George Wickham calls himself Batman.  You can’t get much more relevant than that.

4. If you’re on Twitter, the show creators have set up Twitter accounts for the characters, who regularly interact with each other outside of the show to make the experience more realistic.  Yes, you can tweet to Lizzie if you want to.

5. And as already mentioned, of course, you’ll have gained knowledge so you can get your female friends and family off your back.

Sure, there is some drama involved because when it’s a young woman’s vlog based on Austen it’s pretty hard to leave out her hatred of Mr. Darcy or her little sister’s boisterous, sometimes obnoxious, party attitude. However, each show does tend to cover only what is necessary to follow the storyline, and each episode tends to leave you with a “what will happen next?” moment.

Now it’s time for you to go watch the Lizzie Bennett Diaries instead of just reading about them. The worst that can happen is that you feel that you wasted five minutes of your life. The best that can happen is that you can get some personal satisfaction knowing you can now beguile women with your Austen smarts (or, like I said before, just get them off your back).

SPORTS

Monday Night Raw: 9/10/12

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Normally in this column I’d open up with a paragraph or two, denouncing some aspect of the WWE and its strange habit of recapping things endlessly, or what have you, but tonight is a very different night than usual, for reasons all of you who watch WWE,already know. Usually, I watch Raw live, and during that viewing I take notes, and then format them all into the article you’re currently reading. Which means my notes tend to be very spur of the moment, and generally can range anywhere from serious, to joking, and all spectrums in between. Well during the last 1/3 of tonight’s show, something happened that took me by shock, and suddenly the page full of notes criticizing Jerry Lawler’s character, and his commentary seemed wildly inappropriate.

So for those of you who read this column but don’t watch Raw, (who are you?), during the middle of a match between Daniel Bryan and Kane, and The Primetime Players, Jerry Lawler seemed to pass out, seemingly suffering from some unknown condition. As of this moment, 8:56 PM (west coast time), there are no further updates on his condition, other than he’s responsive, stable, and breathing on his own. He was assisted onto a gurney and wheeled out of the Montreal stadium and taken to a local healthcare facility, where they’re administering CAT scans and what have you, in an attempt to diagnose how serious his condition is. Right now, that’s all the info that is known from watching Raw and from WWE.Com.

Times like these make it difficult as a fan, and as a writer, to determine what’s appropriate when such an event so greatly overshadows almost everything else that happened on the show. Suddenly all of the story lines and feuds lose all meaning, in the wake of a tragedy befalling such an esteemed, long lasting, established person in Raw and WWE history as Jerry Lawler. I know, I know as recently as last week I was giving him tons of shit, but as a fan, there’s a crucial distinction between “going along with kayfabe”, and being a true fan of this sport. Of course I’m aware that Jerry Lawler is supposed to be a master of propaganda, and is supposed to say dumb things, because that’s his character now, and he does it well. So well in fact, I sometimes forget that it’s all just a show. Things like that are a testament to just how good they are at making us care about these characters, and having them really develop into superstars and legends we care about, or love to hate.

This incident with Jerry Lawler is a shocking way to be reminded that it is in fact, all just a show, and these people are literally out there killing themselves for our entertainment, day in and day out. There isn’t enough thanks I can give all of them, especially Jerry Lawler, for providing us with the entertainment, sport, and past time we all love and enjoy. I can only hope that Jerry Lawler turns out okay from all this, and this night will be remembered as an unfortunate moment in The King’s career, rather than a dark moment in the WWE, as yet another life tragically lost.

Normally I’d post several videos, following with my criticism or praise of their content, but unfortunately after tonight, I don’t believe it would be respectful, to try to ignore the significance of tonight, nor lessen the true impact that these events have had on the WWE Universe. Respect is a word that’s been ballyhooed around a lot in the WWE, and tonight, Jerry Lawler gets mine. Writing a series of snarky jokes about the matches tonight, the story segments, and anything in between seems incredibly petty. As much as I’d have loved to be able to sit down, and write everything I was thinking during the first 2 hours of tonight’s show, I’m not the one who’s going to sit back and try to pretend like what happened didn’t matter, or worse, as I’ve seen on twitter, some suggest it’s all a work, which I find insulting, and ridiculous.

I’ve just recently lost my father, and have had to report a lot of bad news, to a lot of people I cared about. Seeing Michael Cole have to do the same, on a national level, to millions of people,  was excruciating, and brought up a lot of emotions that are still very much active within me. To suggest it’s not real, is to not understand the pain, fear, worry, and self doubt that comes with having to directly and confront the terrible in front of you, and worse yet, tell others, and have to watch them react the same way in turn, as they process and deal with that information themselves. It’s this that I saw tonight, in Michael Cole’s eyes as he relayed the terrible news of what happened to Lawler, and explain why his and Lawler’s commentary suddenly dropped to a standstill.

Worse than that, was rewinding the broadcast, and watching Lawler hunched over, clearly receiving aid from a stage hand nearby, and the fast footwork of many officials and medical technicians rushing to help Lawler, all the while a wrestling match went on, with the cameras doing their best to avoid any sensationalization of what was going on around the match being shown. One look at the audience in the background told the tale, as everyones eyes were transfixed on the Announcer’s Table, and not the match happening in front of them. I found myself doing the same, too troubled and shocked to continue my normal barrage of WWE related tweets, or even taking any further notes on the show. Hearing all of the outpourings of opinion amongst the myriad sources of social media, has been massively cathartic and reassuring, as the WWE Universe collectively stands back in shock at tonight’s events. A notable Facebook Community I visit and comment on frequently, is Facebook’s We Hate John Cena Page, a page that shares the shocked sentiment of the WWE Universe tonight, as we all stand back, hope and pray that Lawler turns out okay.

Needless to say the last half hour of the show was resolutely quiet, and as I anxiously waited to hear any updates on his condition, suddenly the feud between John Cena and CM Punk seemed a bit less important. You could notice the seriousness in their eyes, and the emotion on their faces, as they, and all the others who unfortunately had to perform after such an event, made sure the show would go on, as I’m positive Lawler would have preferred. Personally, seeing Michael Cole’s reaction brought  up memories of Owen Hart’s death, and the gravely serious tone in which Lawler and JR spoke about Owen Hart’s tragically fatal condition. Michael Cole’s words seemed grimly reminiscent, and all the while until the very last shot of the show, I kept expecting that update to come, and we’d receive the dire news of Jerry Lawler’s fate. Fortunately it seems as of yet, Lawler is still stable. All of my, and the WWE Universe’s wishes, prayers, and hopes are with him, his friends, and family for a full recovery.