Back when Batman: Arkham Asylum came out, I remember the series of trailers that teased all the villains featured n that game, and the excitement it caused. The game was no disappointment and on the eve of the sequel, Batman: Arkham City, we are being hit with another barrage of villain trailers.
First we got to see Joker and Harley along with quick glimpses of Two-Face. That’s 2 major villains there (I’m lumping Harley in with Joker). Next we saw a brief trailer at the VGA’s that featured a very sinister Hugo Strange. That’s 3.
You know what I like? Robots. You know what I like even more? Robots who attempt to enslave or destroy humanity! That would honestly be my favorite doomsday scenario after a zombie outbreak, because it would be so easy to annihilate things not made of flesh and blood. Sure, zombies would be easier, but then there’s all of the blood and nastiness that goes with them and I wouldn’t do too well with that.
So over our cinematic history there have been numerous times that robots, machines, AI, what have you, have attempted to destroy us or enslave us for their own evil designs. And the saddest part? Most of them were creations we made to better mankind. Oh the folly of it all! Keeping all of this in mind I’ve decided to compile a top ten list of killer robots that have garnered our respect through their attempts to exterminate us.
#10) Replicants (Blade Runner)
In the future shown to us in the movie Blade Runner, replicants are fool-proof human copies made to perform various tasks. By fool-proof I mean the only way to spot a replicant is by performing the Voight-Kampf test which identifies replicants by their lack of empathy to certain questions. This would pose a problem as the replicants would gain the ability over time to generate their own feelings of empathy. These tests are administered by Blade Runners who are special police who hunt down rogue replicants on Earth. The ban of replicants on Earth is due to a violent uprising on another planet by a group of the latest replicant models called Nexus-6’s.
It is explained that the more advanced models have a four-year life span, so they do not develop empathy and their own personalities to fool the Voight-Kampf test. This also means they are complete sociopaths without any trace of empathy. The replicants have enhanced strength and agility as shown by the two combat models Roy and Leon, who look and act like the craziest humans you could ever come across. I think Rutger Hauer who plays Roy just has that gift of playing crazy assholes. Check out Leon in the video below:
I put the replicants at number 10 because even though they have a disdain for humans and did have a mutiny off-world from Earth, they were simply trying to survive longer than the four-year life span they were given. For machines created so close to humans in every aspect is it really any surprise that they would go rogue and kill to stay alive? That’s what we humans would do if anyone was trying to end us prematurely. If it’s a question of what is human, then the replicants in my opinion were just that despite their construction and short life. It turns out that at the end of the movie (whether you caught it or not.) that the blade runner Deckard (Harrison Ford) who is hunting the rogue replicants is in fact a replicant who thought himself completely human the entire time.
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#9) U.S. Robotics (I-Robot)
How great would it be if every household in America had a personal robot that would do all of the daily tasks and errands for us? It’d make us lazier for sure but it would give us more time for our families and recreation across the board! Yes, that would be very cool if said robots weren’t in all of our homes as our jailers! Because that is exactly what the NS-5 model androids and their overlord VIKI tried to do to us in the movie I-Robot. VIKI of course stands for Virtual Interactive Kinetic Intelligence and this crazy supercomputer found a loophole in the three laws of robotics to try to conquer us. Like the Sentinels in the X-men, they determined that humanity is a threat to itself and therefore to protect us they must rule over us. Good excuse for your little power trip ya damned machine!
The NS-5’s have spectacular abilities in regards to agility and strength which they showcase throughout the film, none better than the part where a whole truckload of them attempt to kill robo-skeptic Detective Spooner (Will Smith) whilst driving. And not to mention these guys are extra creepy looking with their emotionless human faces and spider-crawling antics! In the end it took one NS-5 enhanced by its creator to feel emotion and some nanites injected into VIKI’s core to save mankind from robotic takeover. And I guess Detective Spooner helped too, but it was mostly his robotic arm. Good job Will Smith. Check out the NS-5’s in action in the trailer below:
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#8) Sid 6.7 (Virtuosity)
Sid definitely holds a special place in my heart. Sid 6.7 was what I called Russell Crowe before anyone even knew his name was Russell Crowe and I was always impressed his portrayal of the multi-serial killer minded computer program. Sid 6.7 was a program developed to be a perfect killer and used to train the next generation of police. Of course they couldn’t put real cops into training with a program that could kill you even in the training so why not use inmates? Enter Parker Barnes, a former police officer turned con who is the only one with the ability to compete with Sid in the virtual reality training program.
Sid 6.7 is soon to be shut down due to the dangers of training against him in VR but his crazy ass creator Darryl decides he can’t let his baby die, so transfers his programming into a synthetic android and lets him loose upon unsuspecting Los Angeles. Sid 6.7 is a very formidable foe in the real world, able to withstand any type of wound due to his ability to regenerate using molecules from the glass that the nano-bots in his body use for repair. He’s also extremely unstable, having a hive mind of 200 different serial killers’ personalities inside his core with the dominant one taking over for any given situation. Unfortunately Parker Barnes is able to best him, first in the real world and then back in Virtual Reality before smashing his core to pieces and ending him forever.
I’m sure a lot of people would not have ranked him on the list but Virtuosity is one of my favorite movies from that time and Russell Crowe has yet to have a performance akin to that of Sid in quite some time.
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#7) Screamers (Screamers)
On the mining colony of Sirius 6B, a civil war broke out amongst the New Economic Block (NEB) and the Alliance. The NEB is the employer of the federation of miners and scientists now calling themselves the Alliance. The war started when the miners and scientists wanted the NEB to halt all mining on Sirius 6B in order to preserve the safety of the colony. The NEB of course didn’t want to halt in making money, so how about a prolonged war?
During this war the Alliance developed a new type of weapon called the Autonomous Mobile Sword, which everyone call Screamers due to the mechanical sound that they make. These machines are extremely dangerous. They are almost like mechanical worms as the burrow beneath the ground and shoot out to dismember humans with…. a circular saw. Sounds stupid I know, but what a brutal way for a machine to kill a human. But never fear how stupid it sounds because it is later discovered that the screamers not only have various models but that they are also building more of their own kind.
By the end of the movie it is discovered that one of the types of screamers is an almost perfect copy of a human, able to cry, bleed, fart….and have intercourse with humans. Man oh man, there would be no way that I’m having sex with anything that evolved from a subterranean worm-bot with a circular saw face. I think the screamers were indeed made even more menacing by the terrible screaming they make, especially in human form. It made me think of the Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
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#6) The Decepticons (Transformers)
Whether it be the Decepticons from the movies or the cartoons, these a-holes see us as nothing but insects and our world being up for grabs in their power struggle against their brethren the Autobots. Their origins seem to differ from every medium but the basic story stays the same: Two factions of robotic organisms fight for their home world of Cybertron.
It’s actually pretty simple based on the cartoons, but when you look at it from the movie standpoint these guys are pretty merciless. When they aren’t trying to transform all of our electronics into their minions to conquer us then they’re trying to snuff out our sun for their own selfish purposes because ya know…. No sun, no life and all that. Even in the last movie they tried to enslave our race to restore Cybertron and even parked their dead planet’s big ass right in our orbit. Just plain rude.
Throughout the films, Megatron, Starscream and the other Decepticons perpetrate all sorts of slaughter upon us humans. They disrupt freeway traffic, tear apart pyramids and crack aircraft carriers and submarines in half with reckless abandon. These guys are true scum.
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#5) The Machines (The Matrix)
According to Morpheus, mankind gave birth to AI and effectively turned itself into Gods with their mechanical servants. It seems akin to Dr. Moreau’s experiments where he wanted to turn animals into people and people into Gods. Well apparently it worked for a while until tensions became too high and a war between man and machine ignited. In the end, mankind scorched the sky in an effort to cut off the machines’ solar energy supply but that’s when their mechanical intellect came up with the bright idea to use human beings as a power source. That’s where the matrix came in: A brilliant program that fools humans into believing they live in a normal world while the machines use them as batteries to keep themselves operational. In the matrix there were a variety of programs, none more lethal than the Agents who hunt down rogue programs and unplugged humans alike, but they weren’t as scary to me as the Sentinels outside of the matrix in the real world.
The menace and threat of the Sentinels became not so unique once Matrix Revolutions came about (that movie ruined a lot of good things about the Matrix.) but there was a scene in the first Matrix movie involving a Sentinel that gave me goose bumps. After a Sentinel shows up on their radar, Morpheus and his crew have to shut down the Nebuchadnezzar so the Sentinel can’t detect them. The whole scene was tension filled as the red-eyed, tentacle laden machine lurks outside of the ship in a vain attempt to find humans to slaughter. It was in that scene that I found myself holding my breath along with the characters until the Sentinel left.
The Matrix Sentinels would have had a much higher ranking on the list if they hadn’t been ruined by the Matrix sequels. In the first Matrix movie it was as if there weren’t many humans left and their world seemed a completely dark and menacing place. There was also the line that the EMP was the only defense against the Sentinels but by the second and third movie we see Zion with its multiple defenses and hundreds of mechanical suits with giant machine gun arms. Even though the Sentinels eventually kicked their asses they looked like nothing more than cannon fodder for the better part of a half hour.
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#4) The Sentinels (X-Men)
So maybe giant, 50 foot tall, purple and pink robots don’t seem very menacing to you but when they hunt you down and shoot energy blasts that can fry your ass into ashes from their hands it may be time to run for it… especially if you’re a member of the mutant population. The Sentinels of Marvel Comics have been a constant thorn in the side of the X-men and mutants in general over the years. Created by the brilliant scientist Bolivar Trask, the mutant killers are responsible for the deaths of countless mutants in single incidents and the massive genocide of the island nation of Genosha where millions of mutants perished in a single day.
Sentinels are not only the enemies of mutants, but in the possible future they will inevitably turn against their human task masters. It’s simple logic really, after the mutants and superhumans are all eradicated then who else is there to protect humanity against? Themselves of course! In the ‘Days of Future Past’ storyline the Sentinels take control of Earth through this logic, imprisoning even the humans they serve in order to fulfill their directives.
Unfortunately the Sentinels have only had comic book and X-men cartoon treatment, but one can hope for a movie appearance at some point. There was a brief one in X-men: The Last Stand but it was hardly anything and that movie sucked it hard. With the recent success of X-men: First Class maybe they’ll smarten up and put the Sentinels in a sequel. Seriously, with how awesome the Transformers look with the CG technology we have, the Sentinels would be great on the big screen. Get it done already!
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#3) HAL 9000 (2001: A Space Odyssey)
Okay first let’s get the acronym out-of-the-way. HAL stands for Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer, 9000 series of course. HAL is the on-board AI for spacecraft Discovery One on its way to Jupiter. HAL is a soft-spoken, polite AI whose job it is to help maintain the spacecraft and all of its advanced computer programs. He excels at Chess, has a penchant for art appreciation and much to the human’s dismay in the movie: Lip reading. Once things start to screw up aboard the ship and two of the crew, Dave Bowman and Frank Poole decide it may be best to disconnect HAL to prevent any major malfunctions that would jeopardize the mission. HAL really takes an exception to that and rather than be unable to fulfill his directives, decides it best to kill those in his way.
Before HAL gets shut down by Dave Bowman he manages to kill everyone else aboard. He takes out Frank while he is making repairs outside and shuts down the life support for those of the crew in cryo-stasis. He even almost manages to kill Dave by blowing him out an airlock.
HAL’s ways of killing were very subtle indeed, but that just made them more disturbing. When Dave shut him down he even said he was scared, but how can AI be afraid of anything? As his functions declined HAL is ended singing “Daisy Bell” in one of the eeriest scenes I’ve seen in a film. Hat’s off to HAL, perhaps the first original human killa!
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#2) The Cylons (Battlestar Galactica – 2004)
I’ll gladly put the Cylons at number 2 for their achievement in annihilating the human race of the 12 colonies down to only about 50,000 people. Cylon as you must already know stands for Cybernetic Lifeform Node. The Cylons went from being laborers and soldiers in the 12 colonies to rebelling and killing their masters to become extremists against the human race, deducing that humans were a sinful and corrupted race not even worthy to exist. The Cylons are deadly, smart, elusive and always evolving. And not all of them looked like chrome toasters either. Using extremely advanced synthetic technology, the Cylons were able to develop thirteen Cylon models that appeared human in every way that they sent to infiltrate the human ranks and destroy from within.
The Cylons were a very interesting group of killer robots, their ideology going from simple “slave kills the master” mentality to an all out mission to destroy the human race due to their short sightedness and imperfections. Basically the Cylons are becoming what the humans used to be to them when they were slaves. They fought against tyranny and now want to replace it with their own image. It makes it even more interesting when you see the Cylons trying to emulate humans with their thirteen humanoid Cylons, wanting to become the very thing they want to destroy. They’re kind of like Al’Qaeda, just without the ‘virgins when you die’ thing going on.
My personal favorite Cylon model type
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#1) Skynet and the Terminators
At the top of the list is of course Skynet. The U.S. military’s AI used to control all of their military hardware and nuclear might… that may have been an extremely terrible idea. The whole point was to take out human error and response time to attacks against the U.S., but in the end it was human error that destroyed civilization. After Skynet became self-aware the U.S. military panicked and attempted to take Skynet offline. The defense system of course saw this as a threat and reacted to the humans’ assumed assault on it. Skynet launched the United States nuclear arsenal on Russia, who in turn launched their own onslaught against us resulting in the death of 3 billion human lives. Skynet 1, humanity 0.
This fella here looooooves his job.
In the wake of the nuclear onslaught the surviving humans were rounded up to help build automated factories that produced all sorts of mechanical horrors with the sole purpose to hunt down and eradicate any surviving human resistance. From the airborne Hunter-Killers to the classic T-800 terminator, Skynet proved to be a pro at finding new and inventive ways to slaughter mankind. But even though Skynet was smart and more technologically advanced, humans led by the charismatic and strategically sound John Connor took the fight to Skynet and the terminators. Eventually the humans won the war, but Skynet in it’s ever increasing intelligence and technological capabilities sent back a machine through time to kill John Connor’s mother before he was ever born and that is the basis for the Terminator movies I’m sure you have all seen. (If not, then get crackin!)
Skynet and the terminators get the spot of top dog on this list because of their creativity in developing time travel to eliminate their enemies before they are a threat. Not to mention the ease in which they leveled the playing field in having two superpowers annihilate one another and send the world into turmoil. Talk about pre-emptive strikes! And these metal sons-of-bitches are nothing if not persistent, sending back multiple terminators at different stages of John’s life, even attempting to eliminate his father before John could send him back to save himself and his mother. (That whole set-up makes my head hurt.) The T-800 is the killer robot I think of when even think the words, with it’s almost grinning, red-eyed stare. Skynet and it’s minions are the last group of disgruntled mechanics that I’d want to piss off. They’ll go back and kill your effin’ parents for God’s sake.
“THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT WAL-MART!”
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Well there you have it! Let me know if there are any I missed. If you wanted them on the list, then too bad because it was my list. I’d like to throw out a few that I couldn’t fit in because they just couldn’t make the cut.
– ED-209 (Robocop)
ED-209 was Robocop’s nemesis in the first movie, and responsible for the ‘error’ deaths of a human or two….. he pretty much failed at everything else. Including stairs.
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Maximilian(The Black Hole)
Ol’ Maxie was definitely a real a-hole. He was responsible for multiple lobotomies and one evisceration.
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Dr. Wily’s Robots(Mega Man)
These guys were badass and with a combo of at least 8 of them you could do some real damage against a human population… even though it did get ridiculous with Centaur Man, Top Man and Sheep Man. Seriously, there was a sheep man.
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ARIIA (Eagle Eye)
A bit of a HAL 9000 rip off except with a female voice. ARIIA however nearly pulls off one of the most intricate plots to assassinate a U.S. President ever.
The War of the Green Lanterns ended with a bit of a bang. It was a rushed bang, but a bang nonetheless. Mogo died, Krona was defeated, Sinestro ended up with a green power ring and Hal Jordan ended up with no ring. All in all through the aftermath issues it seems to me that the Guardians are screwing things up more and more. They have almost every Green Lantern reeling from Krona’s attack with post traumatic stress, Corps members questioning why they relieved Jordan of his ring and questioning why they are seemingly defending Krona by wanting to give him a decent burial. If I was an intergalactic space cop I’d be wondering the same things….
In the wake of all of this madness there are several issues to deal with. John Stewart’s killing of Mogo to stop the production of corrupted power rings doesn’t sit well with some Lanterns, including Kyle and John himself. John however isn’t going to regret what he did and I applaud him for it. Whether he was right or wrong he’s right when he told Kyle that he did what had to be done and that is the difference between them. I really hope John and Kyle make amends in the future and that in the coming months we see John recover from this, because despite what he says it is wearing heavily on him.
The other big issue is Sinestro and the effect his presence is having on the Corps. Several lanterns including Soranik-Natu agree that Sinestro must be ended once and for all, so they go to the Guardian’s Citadel to do just that. To me this is another example of how the Guardian’s esteem has fallen so far if Lanterns are willing to march into the citadel and kill a prisoner, even if it’s a scum bag like Sinestro. The posse of Lanterns doesn’t get very far as another lantern intervenes. I won’t spoil it but you probably already know who it is.
In defense of the Guardian’s they do finally make a good move to quiet all of the dissension. They order all Green Lanterns to return to their sectors and continue to enforce the law while only the Alpha Lanterns and support staff stay on Oa. The Guardians will also continue to unfold the mystery of why a green power ring chose Sinestro for duty. They also left every Green Lantern with a warning of no more disobedience being tolerated and I kind of think that will be the end of any Green Lanterns questioning them unless they want to be stripped of their rings as Hal was. All of this leaves a whole bunch of stuff hanging in the air. How are Sinestro’s Corps going to react if he remains with the Green Lanterns? Will the Sinestro Corps continue under Arkillo’s leadership or will someone like Mongul step in to try and fill the power vacuum? Kyle and Sora seem to be on very bad terms at this point and now they are going to be separated by duty. Is this the end of their relationship? And what do the Guardians plan to do to Ganthet? He was all alone with them as they wanted to speak to him and the last shot we get is of them eerily reaching towards him. What the hell are they going to do? Embrace him back into the Guardians? Kill him? Hell, I don’t know. I give the aftermath issues a 3 out of 5 bears overall, the art was so-so and the story seemed like a bit of a quick wrap up before the new 52, just like the last part of the War of the Green Lanterns was.
Hopefully many of the questions will be answered in the four new Lantern titles coming out in September to start off the new 52 DC titles! Green Lantern, Green Lantern Corps, The New Guardians and Red Lanterns! I can’t wait! Stay tuned for more on each of those titles.
As September gets closer and closer, I can’t wait for the 52 number ones to be released by DC. Almost as excited as I am for Batman, Green Lantern checks in close behind. But with the four new titles involving the Green Lantern mythos there is one that intrigues me more than the others namely because it is so much more different than anything involving the Green Lantern Corps. I talk of course about the Red Lanterns.
After reading Rage of the Red Lanterns and Blackest Night, their leader Atrocitus was sort of painted as just a mindless brute most of the time. He is the embodiment of rage after all… But once I read the Green Lantern: Brightest Day hardcover trade I had a new found liking for him. Sure he’s driven nuts by his rage but as we now know he wasn’t just out to kill people for the fun of it, Atrocitus had a vengeance in him to deal out against the Guardians who were indirectly responsible for the death by Manhunter of his home sector 666. As it turns out, it was Krona the rogue Guardian who was behind the reprogramming of the Manhunters. Now with Krona gone, where will the story of Atrocitus and the Red Lanterns go from here? Apparently we will be getting to know the other members of the Red Corps and see what drives them in their rage. Below is issue number 3 cover which shows the bizarre yet hard to look away from Bleez… showering in blood. Wonderful.
Now with cover number 2, I waited to post that one last because not only do I not know who the Red Lantern on the cover is but the cover itself is pretty unremarkable. Even though I’m excited for this series I’m still a tad bit skeptical. Only the sales will determine this one’s fate but if they keep up with the Lantern tales they’ve given us over the years I’m sure it can last awhile. Be sure to check out our review in September!
This is to be the 2nd piece of a new series here at Grizzly Bomb. For each feature we will examine an individual genre and the quality of its films produced within a specific decade, like, for example – the 25 Best Action Movies of the 90s! These lists will be compiled from a point system determined by votes from each member of the staff. It’s very scientific. We use Excel. So here it is…
25. Throw Mama From the Train (1987)
24. The Great Outdoors (1988)
23. Sixteen Candles (1984)
22. A Christmas Story (1983)
21. Family Vacation (1983)
20. Big (1988) 19. Spaceballs (1987)
18. Trading Places (1983)
17. Coming to America (1988)
16. The Goonies (1985)
15. The Breakfast Club (1985)
14. Stripes (1981)
13. Three Amigos! (1986)
12. The Naked Gun (1988)
11. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)
10. Caddyshack
I expect that we’ll get at least one email complaining this wasn’t number 1 on the list, but such is the interweb. That being said though, Caddyshack’s inclusion was obviously a no brainer to be on this list. This is a movie that really helped kick off the whole decade, and produced some of the most oft-impersonated quotes in film history. From Chevy Chase to Rodney Dangerfield to Ted Knight, this movie was a classic the minute it came out. It also features what is arguably Bill Murray’s most memorable role ever as he engages in guerrilla warfare with a gopher. Here we are over 30 years later and still, everyone remembers that gopher dancing to Kenny Loggins…
US Release: July 25, 1980
Director: Harold Ramis Notable Cast:Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield, Ted Knight, Michael O’Keefe, Brian Doyle-Murray, and Bill Murray. Oscar Wins/Nominations: 0/0 US Box Office: $39,846,344 Best Quote: “Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac… It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! It’s in the hole! ” Trivia: The noise the Gopher makes are actually vocalized by a dolphin, and the dolphin sound effects used are the same ones that were used for Flipper.
9. Better Off Dead…
This is probably the least watched movie on the list, and one of the big reasons for that was the fact it opened against Teen Wolf, and Michael J. Fox was unstoppable. So the first lead role for the then mostly unknown John Cusack bombed, and was for years relegated to late night showings on Comedy Central. That is where I first discovered it and it didn’t take long for me to get sucked in. The Howard Cosell races are my favorite parts, but Roy Stalin was as good an 80’s High School villain as you could ask for. Plus, find me another movie with this many attempted suicides, that turned out this funny. For the 80’s factor, they had a claymation hamburger come to live and sing Van Halen. Check and mate.
US Release: August 23, 1985 Director: Savage Steve Holland Notable Cast:John Cusack, Curtis Armstrong, Diane Franklin, Kim Darby, Amanda Wyss, Steven Williams, and David Ogden Stiers. Oscar Wins/Nominations: 0/0 US Box Office: $10,297,601 Best Quote: “Truly a sight to behold. A man beaten. The once great champ, now, a study in moppishness. No longer the victory hungry stallion we’ve raced so many times before, but a pathetic, washed up, aged ex-champion.” Trivia: When Beth (Amanda Wyss) shows up at the high school dance, the person standing behind her is wearing Freddy Krueger’s sweater. Wyss played Krueger’s first victim in A Nightmare on Elm Street.
8. Planes, Trains & Automobiles
Opening against strong box office competition in 3 Men and a Baby, this movie still managed to become a hit, pairing 2 of comedies biggest names at the time – Steve Martin and John Candy. This movie is a Holiday staple at my house – Best. Thanksgiving. Movie. Ever. Not only was it hilarious, but actually heart warming at the same time without being to cheesy. Martin is great as the straight man to Candy’s over the top, outwardly friendly shower curtain ring salesman who soaks his underwear in the sink. The pair seemed to gel so well on-screen that one can only assume had Candy not passed, they would’ve done another film together eventually. And no, before you ask, those are not pillows.
US Release: November 25, 1987 Director: John Hughes Notable Cast: Steve Martin, John Candy, Michael McKean, Matthew Lawrence, Dylan Baker, Edie McClurg and Kevin Bacon. Oscar Wins/Nominations 0/0 US Box Office: $49,530,280 Best Quote: “You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You’re a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They’re not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! ‘Honey, I’d like you to meet Del Griffith, he’s got some amusing anecdotes for you. Oh and here’s a gun so you can blow your brains out. You’ll thank me for it.’ I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They’d say, ‘How can you stand it?’ I’d say, ‘Cause I’ve been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING.’ You know what they’d say? They’d say, ‘I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah.’ It’s like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn’t pull it out and snap it back – you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you’re telling these little stories? Here’s a good idea – have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener! ” Triva: At the beginning of the movie when Steve Martin races Kevin Bacon, is a direct reference to the scene in the movie Quicksilver in which the character played by Bacon is racing someone on a bicycle. Later, Neal phones his wife to tell her that he has been delayed (again), in the background, you can hear the fight fromShe’s Having a Baby(also directed by John Hughes) between Bacon and Elizabeth McGovern, when she screams that she doesn’t like his friend’s girlfriend.
7. Christmas Vacation
I can’t think of a more ultimate Christmas movie (Shut Christmas Story fans.) than this Chevy Chase classic. Even aside from that I can still watch this movie any time of the year as a comedy too. The story follows Clark Griswold, a guy struggling to be the ultimate family man but usually failing throughout the movie until the end. This is the same Clark Griswold from the movies Vacation, European Vacation and if you have the stomach to remember it – Vegas Vacation.
Anyways Clark and his wife decide to have their parents over at their home for the holidays which both are dreading yet they feel obligated to do. Things really get interesting when Clark’s red neck, RV driving cousin Eddie and his rambunctious family show up at the Griswold house. Eddie was played to perfection in this film by Randy Quaid by the way. This movie embraces the Christmas spirit in a big way and also shows us why we hate having over extended family for the holidays too.
US Release: December 1, 1989 Director: Jeremiah S. Chechik Notable Cast: Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo, Juliette Lewis, Johnny Galecki, E.G. Marshall, Doris Roberts, Randy Quaid, William Hickey, John Randolph, Diane Ladd, Brian Doyle-Murray, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Oscar Wins/Nominations: 0/0 US Box Office: $71,319,526 Best Quote: “Hey, if any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here, tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people, and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head. And, I want to look him straight in the eye and tell him: what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, bloodsucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?”
Triva: The Griswold’s neighbor’s house is the same house Murtaugh and his family lived in all the Lethal Weapon movies. The houses on this street are on the Warner Brothers Studios back lot. Also, this was the final screen appearance of Mae Questel, whose film career began in 1930 as the voice of Betty Boop.
6. The Blues Brothers
With a musical cast that includes Ray Charles, John Lee Hooker, Aretha Franklin, James Brown, Cab Calloway, and some of the best musicians to play on those artists’ albums, The Blues Brothers was an homage to all that was Rhythm and Blues through-out the 50s and 60s. Of course, it had an odd way of getting there: two white boys (Jake and Elwood Blues) are getting their band back together in order to raise money for the orphanage in which they grew up. They are on a mission from God. Hard to argue with that.
Along the way, the boys reassemble their band (an all-star cast of great studio musicians and Saturday Night Live Band members), are shot at repeatedly by a “mystery woman” (Carrie Fisher), piss off a country band called “Good Ol’ Boys” – AND Illinois Nazis are the catalysts to a record-breaking car chase into and through downtown Chicago.
What makes this a great comedy is a combination of the delivery of lines, the innuendo, and the simple ridiculousness of the plot. The mixture of audacity, satire, and love of music makes this John Landis film one of the best of the 1980s. If you want to hear more of what Dan Aykroyd had to say about the incarnation of the film to the Chicago Tribune for the 30th anniversary of the film, click here.
Woman: Are you the police? Elwood: No Maam, we’re musicians.
In modern times where so much of our comedies rely on alcohol, drugs, and grotesque imagery to achieve notoriety, it’s refreshing to re-watch Airplane! This is another of our top ten 80s comedies to have a simply brilliant and accomplished cast, but the humor it uses is much more sophist—er—high minded—no, wait—downright silly.
The basic premise of Airplane! is that a commercial jet’s crew becomes ill mid-flight. Typically, this would end in disaster, and would then be included on Grizzly Bomb’s “Holy-Jeez-that-was-a-Depressing Movie of the 80s list”. Thank goodness that a hero-in-waiting is aboard: former military pilot Ted Striker (Robert Hays)! While he has a drinking problem, and an emotionally unstable relationship with stewardess Elaine Dickinson (Julie Haggerty), he might have what it takes to land the doomed plane safely. That is, if he can deal with control tower supervisor Steve McCroskey (Lloyd Bridges), Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen), and Striker’s former commander, Rex Kramer (Robert Stack). Oh, and by the way, the plane is filled with eccentrics and goofs. Good luck Striker!
What makes this flick deserving of the venerable five-spot on this list is its ability to satirize many of the conventions of proper social behavior. One way this shows itself is through simple puns (“Surely you can’t be serious.” “I am serious…and don’t call me Shirley). Another is by breaking down social barriers:
Young Boy with Coffee: Excuse me, I happened to be passing, and I thought you might like some coffee. Little Girl: Oh, that’s very nice of you, thank you. [takes coffee] Little Girl: Oh, won’t you sit down? Young Boy with Coffee: Cream? Little Girl: No, thank you, I take it black, like my men.
And finally, you can’t beat a good old ridiculous moment:
Controller: Bad news. The fog’s getting thicker. Johnny: [jumps to an overweight controller] And Leon is getting laaaaarrrrrger!
Take some time to acquaint (or re-acquaint) yourself with this classic 80s comedy.
Perhaps one of the most under-rated movies of all time, this is truly Tom Hanks at his peak. Ignore the Academy, all those Oscars he later won were simply makeup calls for blowing it here. The ‘burbs, for those not in the know is a heroing story about 3 neighbors who ban together in an attempt to battle the evil that’s invaded their neighborhood, like Batman protects Gotham City, and Daredevil watches over Hell’s Kitchen – Ray, Art, and Rumsfield – they own their block. Well either it’s about that or it’s just a bunch of paranoid suburbanites who harass the new family on the block. The movie also features Corey Feldman at his best – in a Batman T-Shirt and Princess Leia maybe a few years past her prime…
US Release: February 17, 1989 Director: Joe Dante Notable Cast:Tom Hanks, Bruce Dern, Carrie Fisher, Rick Ducommun, Corey Feldman, Henry Gibson, Courtney Gains, Dick Miller, Robert Picardo, and Nicky Katt. Oscar Wins/Nominations: 0/0 US/Total Box Office: $36,601,993/$49,101,993 Best Quote: “I’ve never seen that. I’ve never seen anybody drive their garbage down to the street and bang the hell out of it with a stick. I-I’ve never seen that.” Triva: The Klopeks named the dog “Landru”, probably after Henri Landru, a notorious French serial killer. Also, At the very beginning of the movie, when the camera starts to pan down the street, a street sign appears, “Mayfield Place.” Mayfield was the town where the Cleavers lived inLeave It to Beaver. The movie was filmed on the same lot.
3. Uncle Buck
When Bob’s family has a medical emergency he and his wife desperately call around for someone to watch their kids while they are away. When all options fail the duty is passed from them (reluctantly) to Bob’s brother…Buck.
Buck is a real stand up guy. He’s a bachelor (sorta) with a lovely apartment, loves to smoke fine cigars and place wagers on various horse races. Buck is unable to say no to his brother and soon finds himself as a caretaker to three children, one of whom is ever moody teenager who relishes in making his life hell. From making stove sized pancakes, threatening an elementary school principal and knocking out a drunken birthday clown this movie has it all. Thank you John Candy for bringing us Uncle Buck.
US Release: August 18, 1989 Director: John Hughes Notable Cast: John Candy, Macaulay Culkin, Amy Madigan, Gaby Hoffmann, Laurie Metcalf, Patricia Arquette, and Anna Chlumsky. Oscar Wins/Nominations: 0/0 US/Total Box Office: $66,758,538/$79,258,538 Best Quote: “Take this quarter, go downtown, and have a rat gnaw that thing off your face! Good day to you, madam.” Triva: Danny DeVito was considered for the role of Uncle Buck.
Haha. Just kidding. That was terrible. Couldn’t get a decent copy of the real trailer, so instead here is my favorite part…
2. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off
Who didn’t want to be Ferris Bueller in the 80s? Little did we know he’d grow up to marry that horse from Footloose, but in his youth, he was as cool as they come. I mean come on, hot girlfriend, his best friend has Gordie Howe jersey, and he can hack into the school’s computer from a mid 80s home pc. That’s impressive for a guy who doesn’t even have a car. Ferris inspired those around him. Women wanted him, men wanted to be him. And around every turn he is able to outwit his nemesis Principal Pederast. Plus, he could talk to the camera years before Zack Morris found the ability. He was a trailblazer, Abe Froman would be so proud.
So if you haven’t seen this great piece of Americana, be ashamed of yourself. There are no excuses.
Basic plot: Three doctors of psychology and parapsychology start their own business capturing ghosts around the New York City area. There has been a spike in paranormal activity, and the Ghost Busters are there to investigate. When they find that Dana Barrett (Sigourney Weaver) has found herself in the center of all the activity, hell breaks loose…almost literally.
With a screenplay written by Dan Aykroyd and Harold Ramis, two Second City alumni, you know that this film had no chance BUT to be funny. Add to that director Ivan Reitman (who had done Meatballs and Stripes just before), a stellar cast (with the incourageable Bill Murray), and special effects that can still hold up today: the result is the top of the proverbial 1980s comedy mountain.
This has to be one of the most quoted movies of all time, and its re-watch value is through the roof. Here’s your challenge: Try walking up to someone and saying, “He slimed me.” Ask them what it’s from. If they don’t know, educate them by giving them a copy of the movie. If they do know, you just made a friend. Go watch the movie together.
US Release: June 8, 1984 Director: Ivan Reitman Notable Cast: Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Ernie Hudson, Sigourney Weaver, Harold Ramis, Rick Moranis, Annie Potts, William Atherton, and Reginald VelJohnson. Oscar Wins/Nominations: 0/2 (Visual Effects, Original Song) US/Total Box Office: $238,632,124/$291,632,124 Best Quote: “Yes it is. This man has no dick.” Triva: The role of Winston was originally written for Eddie Murphy., the role of Peter Venkman was originally written for John Belushi, and the role of Louis Tully was originally written for John Candy.
So that is our list, I hope you enjoyed it.
Here are a few fun facts about the results…
MOST APPEARANCES IN THE TOP 25
1. John Candy (7 Movies)
2. Chevy Chase/Dan Aykroyd/Brian Doyle-Murray (4 Movies Each)
3. Bill Murray/Eddie Murphy/Michael Anthony Hall/Harold Ramis (3 Movies Each)
MOST FREQUENT DIRECTOR
1. John Hughes (Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Planes, Trains & Automobiles, Uncle Buck)
2. John Landis (Coming to America, ¡Three Amigos!, Trading Places, The Blues Brothers)
3. Harold Ramis/Ivan Reitman/David Zucker (2 Each)
MOST POPULAR YEAR
1. 1988 (4 Movies)
2. 1980, 1983, 1984, 1985, 1987, 1989 (3 Movies Each)
3. 1986 (2 Movies)
4. 1981 (1 Movie)
5. 1982 (0 Movies)
Now, just take a minute and vote in the poll below. Thanks dude!
Grizzly Bomb 