There’s been a lot of Texas Chainsaw news lately, and in the tradition of hotties wearing tight jeans and white tanktops, Alexandra Daddario will be the female lead in the new 3D installment of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. If you’re confused as to who Daddario is, then look no further than Percy Jackson and The Olympians: The Lightning Thief, where she had her first big role as ‘Annabeth Chase’. It’s not her fault that the Percy Jackson movie sucked, because she performed exceptionally in it. I think ‘Grover the Satyr’ was like the ‘Jar Jar Binks’ of that franchise.
Whoooooooo-eeeeee! You smell that? It’s the overflow coming from this craptastic piece of garbage. Seriously, I was hoping to be pleasantly entertained by a piece of intentionally bad cinema. But this flick was too atrocious for me to even stand! Check out the trailer for Assault of the Sasquatch before you read the review:
A simple story of course; An “awesome” bear poacher named Terry Drake, and his two stereotypical, inbred, redneck cohorts are having a fun night of….checking bear traps. When one of the rednecks, we’ll call him Bubba, because I didn’t care to remember his name, goes to check one of the bear traps it’s revealed to contain a Sasquatch! Mr. Sasquatch promptly assaults Bubba by ripping half his face to shreds, but before he can eat him, Drake and Redneck #2 show up to shoot the beast. Somehow that tranquilizes the ‘squatch and Drake and Redneck #2 wheel it to their truck to make a shitload of money off of their catch. Eye-patch Drake coldly leaves Bubba to die, stating that “he hates wasting bait”.
Honestly, the movie only gets shittier and shittier while it tries to create a subplot about a police officer – Ryan Walker – involving an apprehended criminal he and his family had a run in with in years previous. This fails miserably because I’m honestly just interested in seeing some f–king Sasquatch assault and the only thing I’ve seen up to this point is one face gouge, and the stomping off an ankle biter dog. That was in an apartment the Sasquatch sneaked into. It should have been funny watching the dog get stomped because I hate tiny dogs for the most part, but it still sucked. Not to mention there is a rap song playing the entire time, talking constantly about a chick popping her booty. Check out the music video for it below. It will give you an idea of how un-terrifying the Sasquatch in this movie is. He looks like some overweight turd of average height:
All of that nonsense and the inclusion of the moron in the next video made the movie over the top annoying to me. I really hope this walking waste of space is in no more movies… ever. EVERRRRRRRRRRRR!
Overall I have to give this movie a Craptastic one Bear out of five. I put it above zero because even though it sucked, at least most of the deaths were on-screen, unlike some movies. (Looking at you GRIZZLY PARK!)
Sick of not seeing little Miss Moneypenny in the Daniel Craig Bond movies? Well then shut your face because she’s finally been cast in the form of actress Naomie Harris, known mostly for her role as Tia Dalma in the second and third Pirates of the Caribbean movies. For those of you not familiar with Moneypenny in the Bond films, she is the assistant to James Bond’s boss M. In the role of assistant, she is bombarded with all sorts of sexual harassment from 007 to no avail on his part. She may be the only chick Bond hasn’t banged. Will he finally make his dream a reality in this next spy escapade? Or will she perhaps play a bigger role in the movie, because that would be nice instead of a brief appearance so all of the Bond fans can laugh at the latest Bond sexual quips.
Naomie Harris as Moneypenny isn’t the only casting news to come out for Bond 23. Two heavy hitters appear to joining the film as well. Check out a small blurb from IGN below:
In addition to reporting Harris’ casting, The Daily Mail also says acclaimed actors Javier Bardem and Ralph Fiennes are set to appear in Bond 23, which begins filming later this year.
And here is how the actors will be portrayed in Bond 23!
Unfortunately there is no mention of what roles they might be playing in the movie, though with Ralph Fiennes I would think he’d play one hell of a villain. I mean come on, he’s freakin’ Voldemort! Bardem I guess could go either way as a villain or ally to Bond. I’m just excited that filming starts this year and there is a strong cast. Anyone out there excited for more Bond? Or is 007 wearing thin on you?
Man these Hobbit movies are up and running fast now! The cast is set, the release dates are set, and the titles are now set! Check out our last Hobbit update for more on that. And now, thanks to all of the constant set and production updates, Peter Jackson was gracious enough to show us a first glimpse at three of the Dwarfs featured in the group traveling to the Lonely Mountain. Behold them in all of their bearded majesty! Check out the latest description from IGN below:
Don’t know who Nori, Ori and Nori are? Not to worry. Here’s the official description:
“These three brothers, all sons of the same mother, could not be more different from each other. Dori, the oldest, spends much of his time watching out for Ori, the youngest; making sure he’s not caught a chill or got himself killed by Wargs or Goblins. Nobody quite knows what Nori gets up to most of the time, except that it’s guaranteed to be dodgy and quite probably, illegal. Dori, Nori and Ori are intensely loyal to each other – and whilst they are perfectly happy fighting amongst themselves, woe-betide anyone who means harm to one of these brothers.”
As much I enjoyed seeing Dori, Nori and Ori, I’m really just waiting to see Thorin Oakenshield in all his badassness! (New word for the dictionary perhaps?) And I’m sure I’ll probably have a complete heart-attack upon seeing the finished product of Smaug the dragon. So what does everyone think? Is it off to a good start? Do the Dwarfs look good or just plain creepy? If you say that the one on the left looks creepy I won’t argue with ya there!
So what if Shia LeBeouf doesn’t come back for Transformers 4, why would you need him when you have the Stath? Check out the blurb below from IGN:
Latino Review points out that ShowbizSpy claims Statham is in the running to play the lead in the next film. “It’s clear the franchise still has huge potential but with a new leading man capable of taking Transformers in a new, darker direction,” according to the site. “Jason could be just the man to do that and his relationship with Rosie would be an added bonus in marketing the movie.”
Of course it’s all just rumor now, but imagine how hardcore of a movie Transformers 4 would be with robots not only beating the shit out of each other, but Jason Statham navigating the battlefield in Bumblebee and blasting the circuits out of Decepticons too! It’s too awesome to comprehend! And he’s no stranger to the whole weaponized car deal. (DEATH RACE?)
Of course there’s also already talk about whether or not the fourth robo-extravaganza would be a reboot over at IGN:
“Not so fast,” according to producer Don Murphy.
On the producer’s message board, Murphy wrote: “What happens next? Certainly not a reboot. We haven’t lost the Transformers. They didn’t grow up or become expensive like Tobey Maguire. I don’t know what happens next. I’m pretty sure there will be a second trilogy…”
Interestingly, Transformers director Michael Bay recently told IGN that he thinks a future installment would have to go the way of the reboot.
I think Michael Bay is just straight up retarded here. Or maybe he’s just afraid someone else will pick up where he left off and the franchise continues to be a money maker and it makes him feel less special. There’s still plenty of directions to go with Transformers 4 leading off from Dark of the Moon. Sure Megatron and the other main Decepticons are dead as Dillinger, but as many hardcore Transformers fans are aware, Galvatron is created from the ruined body of Megatron. (Just as Cyclonus and Galvatron’s other minions are made from other fallen Decepticons.) And Galvatron is brought back by none other than Unicron, the biggest of the Transformes; think of a Death Star transforming into a giant robot with a sweet Sentinel Prime beard.
And there are still plenty of Autobots to bring into the mix with Iron Hide dead, and if they decide to off Optimus once and for all. They would just have to bring in Kup, Hot Rod, Blur and Springer, all of whom would make for great incarnations on the silver screen. See? No need for a reboot at all. Just make Autobot city on Earth and go from there!
Springer is the shiznite!
Sure it’s all way too early to tell what they’ll do at this point and the Statham thing is just one huge rumor, but let’s face it; Pirates of the Carribbean 4: On Stranger Tides isn’t even out of theaters yet and Depp is already about to sign on for the next one. In Hollywood, I believe there is no such thing as early, especially when it comes to milking a franchise for everything it’s worth. What say you all? Any ideas of where the next Transformers movie can go? Or are you sick and tired of robots in disguise?
Well, the time has finally come. On Stranger Tides has passed the worldwide $1 billion mark for Disney and now it seems that Depp is indeed sold on doing a fifth pirates movie. With the script ready and the main star almost ready to commit to the film, expect to see Jack Sparrow again in the next couple of years. Check out the story from IGN below:
Grizzly Bomb 