All posts by Stephen Sanchez

A How-To Guide on Killing Wolverine

These days, Wolverine seems to be pretty much invincible. In a world where almost any superhero can die, Wolverine is one of the select few who still hasn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying they should ever kill him off just because he’s one who hasn’t died, it’s just odd, that’s all.

My colleague Dr. Kronner and I were just talking the other day about how he seems to have gotten a little too invincible, and hasn’t been really owned since X-Men #25, during the Fatal Attractions storyline when Magneto ripped the metal off his skeleton. Back in the ’80s Wolverine would lose fights all the time and always get back up, but his healing factor took some time. There was more mystery surrounding the character. Now, he heals so quickly that he could be likened to a T-1000 from Terminator 2. You can’t really stop him, just slow him down. Over the years he has just become much more powerful, which to be honest makes him less interesting, but allows Marvel to stick him into every book out there without any down time.

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Flashpoint: Map of the Time Shattered DC Universe

I always love alternate universe/timeline stories in comic books. You get to see characters die that you normally wouldn’t and characters are alive that have been dead for ages. Sometimes you get role reversals where certain heroes are scum ridden pieces of trash and occasionally the villains may be a hero or someone not as bad as their real universe counterpart. Then you also get to see how the world map is drawn differently, such as in the Age of Apocalypse in the Marvel Universe. The evil mutant Apocalypse is ruler of all the United States in that universe, dividing up the country to his Four Horsemen.

Things are no different in DC’s Flash-centric Flashpoint storyline where things are completely ass backwards. Wonder Woman and Aquaman are at war with one another, resulting in the death of millions, because in this timeline they are not the superheroes we know and love. Check out the map below: (thanks IGN)

The Black Adam protectorate? I hate that guy! And it would appear that Brazil is currently… Nazi controlled? What the hell. At least the Aussies were able to sit this one out, but one can only wonder when some super hero turned genocidal villain will set their sights on them! If you haven’t checked out Flashpoint yet, then go pick up the first issue! I promise you won’t be disappointed!

Vin Diesel is ‘The Machine’

In what one can only describe as a serious lapse in judgment, or just a classic bonehead move, Vin Diesel will return to our movie screens next as The Machine: A top secret military weapon buried and deactivated only to be reactivated at a later date by… a kid.  Ohhhh boooooy. In even worse news, it is described as an action-comedy.

The scribes of this family friendly film are the same guys who brought us the Night at the Museum movies and The Pacifier. For those of you who have not seen The Pacifier, it another family movie that Vin Diesel did back in 2005, which resulted in us not seeing Diesel in anything worthwhile until 2009’s Fast and Furious. The Pacifier follows a Navy SEAL charged with protecting five kids of a deceased government scientist from his enemies: A Navy SEAL babysitter basically.

Could he be heading down the same road in doing The Machine? It just seems odd that he would try to capitalize off of the huge success of Fast Five in the past month to tackle another action franchise.

Domo’s Thoughts on The Machine

He could easily have returned to the xXx franchise as Xander Cage, or even do a Riddick movie right this time around while his name is still warm from the heat of Fast Five. But no, we get the Iron Giant rip off. Maybe Pacifier 2: The Hunt for Osama Bin Laden will soon follow. Are there any Vin Diesel fans out there that think otherwise? Is The Machine a pretty good career choice for the Diesel?

The Devil’s Double – Trailer

Read anything about Uday Hussein and you’ll find that he was indeed one sick bastard. Not only that, the little scum bag lived lavishly his whole life up until the U.S. military ended his sorry ass. He owned hundreds of cars, having them painted each day to match the suit he was wearing and even passed a law making it illegal for anyone to import a Lamborghini into Iraq because he wanted to be the only one in the country with that type of car. He used his position as Saddam Hussein’s son to murder, rape and rob all those around him, so understandably he’d have a lot of enemies and people wanting to kill him. (Rightfully so.) So he took a page from his demented father’s book and found an ex-classmate who resembled him and forces him to be his body double.

The Devil’s Double shows what that life may have been like for the double named Latif Yahia and to remind us of what pieces of dog shit the Husseins were. Check out the trailer below:

Even though I don’t want to give the Hussein family a second thought, I have to admit the film looks intriguing. The guy looked as if he was trying to be an Iraqi Scarface times ten. Dominic Cooper seems to be giving a wonderful double performance as both Uday and Latif that begs the question if he’ll be nominated for any awards. To me that is a complex part to play with two characters who are so different, but one of them may start to like the life that he is forced to take. Perhaps at one point in the movie he truly will be Uday’s brother before trying to find a way out of his predicament.

Review: South Park – Season 15, Episode 4 ‘T.M.I.’

After the last three lackluster episodes I’m ready for a decent South Park episode and it’s off to a good start. We begin with a good Cartman rant about how the school doesn’t care about them and accusations fly about the school posting everyone’s penis sizes in the hallway. Kyle and Stan disbelieve it, but sure enough there is a poster showing how the students have “Grown” since the last physical. Cartman has a bright idea and the boys make their own list and post it over the school’s. Catman’s of course is the smallest in his class.

Principal Victoria informs Eric that he acts too rashly because of his anger and sends him to therapy, and then anger management. Honestly, the scene with the therapist calling Cartman fat made me laugh harder than any of the first three episodes combined. I need to thank Trey Parker and Matt Stone for getting back to basics, because this episode was great.

The anger management group was funny enough with the tea bagger and white ghetto kid, but when Randy Marsh gets involved it’s just downright classic. He is sent to the group for beating the ever-loving shit out of the Surgeon General for debunking his super complex T.M.I. penis length formula. They dub themselves the ‘Pissed Off and Angry Party’ and apparently people who are so pissed off at the world and the government, are only that way because… they have tiny, tiny dicks. I’ll buy into that. I liked the inclusion of the truck nuts on the last guy’s car by the way, because the people who put those on a vehicle are complete scum.

The episode flew by and I laughed throughout, so to me, that’s a damn good episode. I give this episode a 3 out of 5 bears. It wasn’t a future classic or anything, but it was a vast improvement over the first three episodes. Now I can’t wait until next week because South Park is officially back.

Preview: J.J. Abrams’ Alcatraz

I know a lot of people may still be feeling a little betrayed after Lost’s finale. They may be thinking they’ll never watch anything with J.J. Abrams‘ name on it ever again. I on the other hand didn’t have a problem with the last season of Lost or the ending. I actually enjoyed quite a bit. Sure there were a few things that I wish they had done differently, but I had my closure.

So it’s no surprise that I’m pretty excited for his newest show titled Alcatraz, which stars not only the excellent Sam Neill (Jurassic Park), but also Jorge Garcia of Lost fame. (He played the fat guy – Hugo Reyes, remember?) It seems like that whole mystery thing is going on again, but whether or not it’s the same caliber as Lost I can’t say. I’m all for mystery and huge plot reveals, but I hope they don’t go seasons long like Lost did. I’m sure Abrams and the other people working on the show realize that might alienate a lot of viewers this time around, so I’m sure they’ll veer away from that. Anyways, check out the preview below, it looks pretty cool.

It would seem Abrams has some sort of time travel/alternate dimension fascination going on (Star Trek/Fringe/Lost), which is cool because I do too. With so many shows canceled, and about two dozen new ones coming on multiple channels, nothing else really catches my eye besides Terra Nova, Falling Skies and this, so hopefully it’s at least decent. Any Lost fans or haters out there have an opinion on this? Will you watch it or pass on it? Sound off below!

Heyyyy there creepy Sam Neill…