It’s been some time since we’ve done our first Game of Thrones Top Ten Kill List, so it’s time again! This time we’re covering season 2, which contained far too many kills to just have ten so we’ve increased our entries to twelve! There will be some of your favorites in there and maybe some you’ve forgotten, but enough of this mindless bibble babble, onward with the list!
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12. Would you Like Some Salt With Your High Septon?
So yeah… this is comparable to killing the Pope. I understand the Pope rides around in a bullet proof box but the High Septon of the Faith doesn’t really have much protection. And why should he? He’s the High Septon! Well, when you’re traveling through a mass of starving royal subjects and the good King Joffery orders them all killed for hitting him with a cow pie, then you have some problems. The mob definitely tore our main man of the Faith limb from limb… you can only imagine what starving people did after that.
11. Red Red Wine
To quote a great man named Tom Arnold –“Ballsy. Stupid but ballsy.” That pretty much sums up Maester Cressen’s last act, or as I call it – Suicide mission. And look, I get it, this fire priestess is coming in and blowing up your spot ranting and raving about their fire god. That’s enough to piss anyone off but there is a time and place for settling these types of disputes. But not for Cressen who decides the best time to strike is with poison in front of the king and his most trusted advisors. Cressen even sacrifices himself by drinking the poison first and hoping Melisandre does too before he bites the big one. Unfortunately he collapses in a rather large pool of blood while Melisandre lectures him about the night being dark and full of terrors. Like we didn’t know that already, red woman.
10. And Now his Watch has Ended
Talk about being a true man of the Night’s Watch! This guy sacrificed himself just so Jon Snow could infiltrate the Wildling’s encampment and destroy them from the inside. Sure he got Jon Snuuuuu a little angry which helped him finally run the Halfhand through with Valyrian blade Longclaw, but we all know that even Jon could not have actually taken out a legend like the Halfhand.
9. Theon Attempts to be a Hard Arse
Some of these kills are just plain awesome in their execution (Pun definitely intended.) but there are others that are just downright hard to watch. Take for instance the not so successful beheading of Ser Rodrick Cassell at the hands of the turncloak Theon Greyjoy. It not only took more than one hack, it took a few and Theon’s foot to finally finish the job. This is another non-book scene in the show, but it definitely had some emotional resonance to it seeing a minor character we loved buy it in front of the “little lords” of Winterfell. It definitely worked better than in the book where Ser Rodrick is killed through treachery off-page. Watch the clip below if you can stomach it again. Actually stomachs are what will lead us into our next kill.
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8. Bucket Rat Guts
Ser Gregor Cleagane, the Mountain and Mad Dog of Tywin Lannister is undoubtedly a man with serious problems both in the home and on the field of battle. He likes to be a sore loser at a joust and lop his horse’s head off before the crowd’s eyes. He can’t play nice with younger siblings as is evidenced by his brother Sandor “The Hound” Clegane’s face. He is most notably the one responsible for the rape of Rhaegar Targaryen’s wife Elia, but also the brutal slaughter of their infant son Aegon. So wouldn’t it stand to reason that the minions of the Mountain are just as disgustingly cruel and barbaric as he is? Damn straight. And the proof is in the pudding when his lackeys are interrogating villagers about the Brotherhood Without Banners. I mean seriously? Who the hell puts a rat in a bucket and straps said bucket over someone’s bare stomach and then proceeds to hold an open flame over the bucket? Because ya know there’s only one way for that rodent to run… or burrow as it were.
7. The Late King Renly
To capitalize on Melisandre’s mad skills from her poison dodge earlier in the list, let’s move onto the “Late King Renly”. He seemed to have it all: The numbers in battle, a cute little golden stag crown, tons of apples from High Garden and a hot wife…. Even though he didn’t properly know how to use the last one. Yes, Renly was beloved by all, except for his older brother Stannis. You know, the one he just decided to skip over in the succession line. In all fairness Stannis did give his little bro a chance and pretty good deal to swear his allegiance to him but Renly thought it best to roll the dice. And who wouldn’t have? No one expects that their ill equipped brother is going to employ his fire priestess to whip up a shadow assassin from her uterus to take you out. Seriously, how often does that happen? At least 1 time out of 10.
6. Yoren Hates Crossbows
It’s time for a kill where someone actually died quite well. And by quite well I mean taking down a few guys with you. That’s exactly what Yoren of the Night’s Watch did when a pack of Lannisters lead by Ser Amory Lorch asked him to surrender. His response to taking a crossbow bolt from one of the Lannister men was as priceless as it gets: “I always hated crossbows… take to long to load!” Watch below as Yoren kills more than his fair share of lions in red before falling. This guy was hardcore no doubt and it’s a shame we’ll never see how he would fare against the White Walkers at the Wall.
5. Hound’s Cure for a Stomach Ache
The Hound does whatever in the Seven Hells he wants to. It’s good thing in this case during the riot in King’s Landing that he wanted to go and save the helpless Sansa Stark before she was raped. Though the Hound kills 3 of the 4 men, the first one is by far the best as the Hound lifts him Darth Vader style by the throat and then guts him… Well, the Hound style.
4. Rock On!
Surprisingly (INSERT SARCASM) The Battle of Blackwater Bay has the top spots of the list, and rightfully so. Nothing like getting it started off right with this poor sap who wears a chunk of rock for a hat and showers his King Stannis with his own brain matter.
3. Hound Slice & Dice
Sandor had some impressive kills in the season before this one but I feel it was the best of them. Him gutting the rapist while holding him up by the throat was classic but his big ass sword makes quite the statement when it slices one of Stannis’ soldiers in half at the torso. Simple, yet effective.
2. Stannis Splitting Domes
The HBO series affords us plenty of grand moments as opposed to the excellent Song of Ice and Fire books. One that sticks out in my mind would be season one’s Eddard Stark v.s. Jaime Lannister sword fight outside of Littlefinger’s brothel. Sure the fight ended with a similar result but it was better to see two of the best swordsmen in Westeros duke it out for a couple of minutes than Ned’s horse falling onto his leg. It’s no different in a Clash of Kings and season 2 of a Game of Thrones. We hear over and over throughout the first two books what a military man that Stannis but we definitely don’t get to see him directly leading his man or doing solo combat with anyone in the books. This is way different in the HBO series where see stoic and righteous (In his opinion) Stannis leading the storming of the Mud Gate and fighting alongside his men, blood spray on the face and all. It’s after Stannis climbs a siege ladder to the battlements of King’s Landing and begins slaying the city’s defenders left and right that we are treated to this marvelous bit of swordsmanship.
I can only imagine with the precision of cleaving off Davos’s fingers that Stannis meant to cut the top of that guy’s head like a cake. It was very Spartacus like of him.
1. Podrick and Ser Mandon’s Mouth
Okay, that title sounds very gross and misleading but this was honestly my favorite kill of the season not only because of its uniqueness but because it is a wonderful deus ex machina instance. In a big “Oh shit” moment on the show, Ser Mandon Moore inexplicably turns on Tyrion in the midst of the Battle of Blackwater Bay, slicing his face nearly in two. Before he can finish my favorite character off though it’s Pod to the rescue!
Brienne of Tarth giving three Northern soldiers 2 quick deaths.
Bronn firing the arrow that resulted in this:
And the little Dragons coming to aid their mother…
Anyhow, comment below with your favorites and your reasons why mine suck or don’t suck. Maybe there’s one I missed in there! Sound off below and let us know! Season 3’s list will be coming up as soon as the season ends.