After a very, very, very long hiatus the first new Versus arrives at Grizzly Bomb! Now if anyone was following our little rag-tag bunch back in the days at Bam!Kapow! then you will remember this series fondly (jedi-mind-trick), as a place to pit some of our favorites heroes and villains against each other in match-ups that we will more than likely never get to see.
I re-did them during my time at Action News, which Doc reposted here as well, so you can check out all 6 here. And now, here we are, at the Grizzly Bomb Stadium. Its only fitting that Versus makes its triumphant reappearance in a very special edition. It’s A Double Date! Couple vs. Couple! A battle of the spouses! It’s like The Newlywed Game, but with more blood and less 70’s flair. Joining me will be Dr. Kronner, and Versus Alum Toni Smith. This kind of brings it all back to the beginning, as the very first Versus was brought to you by Myself, Doc, and Toni.
But that’s enough rambling from me. That’s not what we are here for, is it? So as usual we will discuss who we think are the better characters, and then who would win in a fight. Well, typically. It has been known to be unpredictable. Let’s look at the contenders:
Hawkeye & Mockingbird vs. Green Arrow & Black Canary
Clint Barton and Bobbi Morse; secret agents, Avengers, husband and wife. Both trained to the pinnacle of human perfection. Clint by Captain America and his time in the circus (seriously) and Bobbi as a deep cover agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. Hawkeye is proficient with the use of his bow, and mastery of his specially designed trick arrows, as well as katana’s and many martial arts. Mockingbird wields dual batons/billy clubs, as well as various spy gadgets and fighting techniques.
Oliver Queen and Dinah Lance; adventurers, Justice League-er’s, husband and wife. Both trained to the pinnacle of human perfection. Ollie trained in the harsh world of survival, abandoned on an island, and Dinah raised a superhero’s child, trained by war time heroes. Green Arrow is proficient with the use of his bow and mastery of his specially designed trick arrows, with a brawler’s fighting mentality. Black Canary has her Canary Cry, a high pitched scream that she rarely uses, choosing instead to fight with her various skills and tactical knowledge.
First off, let’s talk about who are the better characters. Now this is a hard one for me, as I am quite fond of both archers, and their significant others. Both pairs have been through some great storylines, together as well as apart. Both have had their ups and downs, the on again off again, the I think he/she is dead, but oh wait, they just came back to life storylines. But when it comes down to who I want to read more of (as a couple) I have to give it to Ollie and Dinah. Green Arrow and Hawkeye have both been solo heroes for such a long time, so to read them as part of a couple is sometimes hard to accept. With Clint and Bobbi, it’s always a good read, but I get more of a sense of the two individuals who have come together. With Ollie and Dinah, those are two people who have totally bonded, can finish each other’s punches, and really work well off of each other. So round one goes to GA and BC.
Now the fun part. Who would win in a fight. Again, this is a very tough decision. Arrow and Hawkeye are so evenly matched that they almost cancel each other out. Trick arrows colliding into each other, never reaching the target. A battle fought from a distance, and when the arrows prove ineffective, it’s time to get close quarters. Meanwhile, Black Canary and Mockingbird are dueling, testing each other’s limits and abilities. A mutual respect forms, as they realize they are both competent, powerful women who always seem to come to the rescue of their arrogant and headstrong counterparts. Bobbi fights well, but Dinah tactically figures her out, and knocks her down. She turns her attention to the boys, who are baiting each other and trying to get the winning blow. Clint manages to overcome Ollie with his slightly superior fighting skills, and takes him down. He grabs Ollie’s bow, drawing an arrow and aiming at Dinah. She let’s loose with her Canary Cry, dropping Hawkeye to the ground. She picks up her hubby, shakes her head, and walks away.
SupaScoot’s Winner: Black Canary & Green Arrow (GA by default)
I feel honored to be a juror on Versus Double Date: A double date of PAIN! The single most Important Avenger- Hawkeye/formerly Goliath 2/formerly Ronin 2/ Hawkeye again, and his recently resurrected estranged wife Bobbi Morse, codename: Mockingbird against DC’s resident Super-Liberal Oliver Queen: The Green Arrow and his wife, fishnet aficionado and lethally voiced Dinah the Black Canary.
At first this match seems like a no-brainer, three of these characters lack superpowers, if this were some face to face wrassilin’ match, Dinah would just yelp at the bell and knock everyone else out. But that’s boring, plus Mockingbird is a secret agent, so if this fictional fight were to ever happen, some Intel gathering would happen from Bobbi’s SHIELD buddies.
A likelier fight would occur as an ambush- Ollie and Dinah walking home after Oliver rage beat some tea party dumbass for vilifying Police/Firefighter/Teacher pensions and thinking that multi-billion dollar corporations shouldn’t bother with having to pay pesky things like taxes and fair employee wages, and in turn those corporations deserve government subsidies and bailouts. After the beating is finished-started only because that dumbass could not comprehend that bailouts and subsidies are socialist too, but help no one if those fat cats won’t contribute to the economy that makes them rich in the first place (Toni steps off soapbox) – and Ollie and Dinah are walking to their home: SNAP! Mockingbird strikes from the shadows with some awesome roundhouse to Dinah’s throat- jarring her voice and preventing her Canary Cry. Ollie and Dinah know the game is afoot- and jump into it.
Dinah-a very accomplished martial artist herself begins to defend the volleys from Mockingbird. The fight is a dead heat; Bobbi knows this and pulls a baton from her sleeve, and strikes for Dinah’s face. Dinah catches Bobbi at the wrist, but Bobbi counters with a forearm strike from her other arm-that still carries her second baton- crashing against both of Dinah’s elbows, forcing her to drop her arms and allowing Mockingbird a KO strike to the dome.
At the same time, Queen whips out his bow-which he would naturally have on him at all times, because he’s in a goddamn comic book- and uses one of his handy gimmick arrows to shine some light on the situation, lunching a flare arrow into the sky, Oliver spots another bowman aiming right for him. Hawkeye knows it’s now or never, and shoots an arrow towards Green Arrow’s face. Without missing a beat Queen catches the arrow with his bowstring hand turns and loads it into his bow shooting it back at Hawkeye. Hawkeye already has another arrow drawn and shoots Oliver’s arrow out of the air, and takes off to the shadows to flank him.
With Dinah out, Morse makes a run for Green Arrow, Ollie plays dumb for a second, but just as she is about to attack- Ollie shoots an arrow through her arm and into the wall. She screams in pain, and without thinking, Clint calls to her- but gives away his position. Queen rushes to fire another arrow and in his fervor- does not realize what he shot. As disappointment overcomes him whilst he watches that boxing glove arrow he kept telling himself to throw away fly into the darkness, he draws for another arrow hoping he still has a shot. But by some twist of fate, Ollie hears a frantic yelp in the shadows and the distinct sound of a bow falling to the ground. Time to move in for the finish.
Clint figures it’s over, he had his back turned for a split second, and that stupid looking arrow hit him harder in his liver area than he has ever been hit there. The pain to his organs is immense, but a familiar sensation is occurring at the same time. First, he feels that the pain has made his perspective all jacked, as the alley he’s in looks as though it’s getting smaller. However, as his clothes start tearing, he knows what’s up. By some stroke of dumb luck, that arrow somehow jarred some long forgotten Pym particles loose from his liver and back into his bloodstream. Oliver shoots another arrow into the alley, only to see it stop midair just out of the shadow line; followed by a giant foot it has embedded itself in. As the giant naked blonde guy emerges form the alley and flicks Queen into a wall, having him fall next to his wife. Clint Barton tells the fallen couple “Sometimes, it’s better to have a few more gimmicks to fall back on.”
Toni’s Winner: The Morse-Bartons
Wow, it’s been a while on these. Personally I think that the Green Arrow and Hawkeye are the best archers in their respective universes. That shouldn’t be a stretch of a statement. And I’m sure the 2 of them have a contest and hit bullseyes for a month. But what it’s gonna come down to is who can defend and arrow better. Obviously they can both shoot it, so neither is gonna just miss, but the first one who fails to dodge an arrow, that’s your loser. And in that category I think Oliver Queen has the edge. He’s been fighting Merlyn for years and that give him more anti-arrow experience. These 2 are pretty much a wash, but I say Ollie edges it out. Plus, Green Arrow showed up in The Dark Knight Returns with only 1 arm – That a committed archer, Hawkeye can’t even commit to one identity…
As for the ladies, Dinah gets the edge here. Mockingbird is no slouch, but she’s also no Black Widow, and if Marvel can’t send their best, they’ve already lost. Assuming the fight doesn’t start out with Mockingbird sneaking in from behind and slitting the throat of her rival, then she lasts only as long as Canary permits her to. Eventually Black Canary is gonna go all ‘Banshee’ on the super spy and that’s gonna be all she wrote. I think, for the Marvel lovebirds to stand a chance, they’d have to trade partners and hope Mockingbird could take out Ollie, which she can’t. And that Clint could take out Canary, which he could. But in the end I give this one to DC.
Dr . Kronner’s Winner: Green Arrow and Black Canary
Winner – Green Arrow & Black Canary by a score of 2-1
SupaScoot’s Closing Statement:
This Double Date, like most of mine, was ruined by a flurry of arrows and high kicks. But DC takes it in the end, and Ollie and Dinah walk away victorious. Clint and Bobbi, they just walk away.