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May 22, 2011

A How-To Guide on Killing Wolverine

Wolverine's Death

These days, Wolverine seems to be pretty much invincible. In a world where almost any superhero can die, Wolverine is one of the select few who still hasn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying they should ever kill him off just because he’s one who hasn’t died, it’s just odd, that’s all.

My colleague Dr. Kronner and I were just talking the other day about how he seems to have gotten a little too invincible, and hasn’t been  really owned since X-Men #25, during the Fatal Attractions storyline when Magneto ripped his the metal from his skeleton out. Back in the 80′s Wolverine would lose fights all the time, and always get back up, but his healing factor took some time. There was more mystery surrounding the character. Now, he heals so quickly that he could be likened to a T-1000 from Terminator 2. You can’t really stop him, just slow him down. Over the years he has just become much more powerful, which to be honest, makes him less interesting, but allows Marvel to stick him into every book out there without any down time…

That discussion got to me to thinking of the different ways to kill Wolverine, because even though he has that healing factor (Which only seems to get faster every year) it can’t save him from everything.

So let’s start with one of the Xavier protocols. These are Charles Xavier’s personal files on how to defeat each of the most powerful mutants if they were ever a threat to the world. His file on Wolverine states:

Code 0-2-1 (Wolverine): “Since the loss of his adamantium, Wolverine has become both more and less of a threat. He is divested of his unbreakable skeleton – but his senses and his mutant healing factor have been increased to incredible levels. What would have been a lethal wound to Wolverine three years ago would now be a momentary annoyance. Any assault on Wolverine, in the event of his sanity breaking, would have to be long-range and decisive. His head would have to be severed, and removed utterly from the vicinity of his body to prevent swift flesh and nerve regrowth.”  

A Vulcan nerve pinch? How much can one mutant endure?!

1.) Head Removal:

So there is our first way to kill Wolverine. His head must be removed to so he couldn’t heal himself. Though this was stated while he no longer had Adamantium fused to his skeleton, which has changed. So at this point there really isn’t a way to remove his head, save some kind of Infinity Gauntlet or Ultimate Nullifier.

2.) Drowning/Asphyxiation

I know this was touched upon in the Ultimate X-Men comic run by Sabretooth. If Wolverine was drowned for a long period of time, his brain wouldn’t be able to survive without oxygen. It would more than likely have to be for quite some time as his brain continuously tried to heal itself. Another alternative would be exposing him to the vacuum of outer space where there is absolutely no oxygen.

3.) Incineration

Fire would seem to be very potent tool against Weapon X. We saw how in the Days of Future Past storyline Wolvie was completely obliterated by a Sentinel hand-blast, leaving only his skeleton.

But, on the other hand, during the superhero Civil War, Wolverine was able to survive and regenerate after Nitro seemingly left him as only an adamantium skeleton. This may indicate 1 of 2 things. That he has become more powerful, as Days of Future Past was written decades earlier that Civil War, or that as Wolverine gets older, his healing factor gets weaker and the adamantium poisoning occurring in him may be taking it’s toll with the passing of time. Also, if fire could do the job of completely deteriorating all organic tissue on and inside of Wolverine’s body, then the same could be said of lava or even some type of corrosive acid.

“You’re fired.”

4.) Muramasa Blade

A sure fire way to kill Wolverine with the method of bypassing his adamantium skeleton and puncturing a vital organ such as the heart would be to use the Muramasa Blade. This is the same weapon that Wolverine used to end Victor Creed’s life, because the weapon negates a healing factor. So even though there is no indication the Muramasa can cut through adamantium, it can wound a vital organ without the healing factor being able to heal it.

OFF with his head!

5.) Magnetism

If there were a magnet with power to rival that of Magneto – the “Master of Magnetism”, then it would be able to be used in ripping and breaking Wolverine’s body completely apart. If there is no magnet available, then Magneto himself will do, as I said above he has already nearly killed Logan once doing this. I guess Wolvie is fortunate that Mags only decided to use this tactic once thus far.

6.) Adamantium Poisoning

The rare metal that encases Wolverine’s skeleton secretes poison into body constantly, but Wolverine never falls to it due to his healing factor constantly working against it. If there were to be a mutant power inhibitor it would not take long for the adamantium to kill Wolverine. Or if a more powerful mutant, such as the Scarlet Witch were to depower him, he would be up the proverbial ‘creek with no paddle’. Wolverine would in fact be more indestructible without the adamantium because his healing factor would be working at full capacity. Thanks a lot Weapon X program!

Free Wolverine Killing Tip:

Don’t bother trying to kill Wolverine with bullets and especially not with arrows. It doesn’t work. It may just completely piss him off and lower your chances of survival. See below how effective this method could be.

Also, Pandas do not stand a chance against him, as you can clearly see:

So that’s all I can come up with as of yet unless you the reader can think of anything I missed or come up with something completely different. I know this is a discussion that many a comic geek has had and still has. So, until the death of Wolverine…. later bub. And also do not try anything in this guide on Hugh Jackman because he has no healing factor or adamantium skeleton.




About the Author

Stephen Sanchez
This one time I ate a whole bucket of boiled peanuts, and I like to have got sick. Hi! I work a very stressful and serious job... and this one isn't so bad and that's why I do it. It's fun. I can win at Star Wars Trivial Pursuit in two moves. How many grown men can say that? And why would they say that?




13 comments
Danny
Danny

Incineration should do it because even though the brain is protected in skull which is adamantium, the fire can still get to the brain thru the eye sockets nose canal and ears and mouth. In Hulk future imperfect wolverine dies from the nuclear blast.

ethre
ethre

You IDIOTS!!!!!! he can survive nukes because the metal is virtually indestructible. His rapid healing would help him survive too. Rogue might be able to kill him.

chriscool14dude
chriscool14dude

think of it this way, the metal in his body had to be molded to his body, and how does metal become able to mold? heat and if fire doesnt do it then you need something hotter, i saw magneto throws him, not just into space, but directly into the sun, takes the melted metal from wolverines body and makes a new toilet lol, dont get me wrong, wolverine is my go to guy for superheroes but i can honestly see magneto doing that if he got pissed off enough

John
John

Iceman could freeze him.

The Hook
The Hook

You should sell this to Hydra or A.I.M!

theatheistgirl
theatheistgirl

I agree with Ipodman. Or you could just nuke the bastard!

Ipodman
Ipodman

What about traveling back through time and killing his mum lol...

ethre
ethre

he will just thaw idiot

jeremy
jeremy

still wont work. Your body eats itself when it starves. look at Ghandi and how long he went without eating. He got skinny due to body eating itself. So technically wolvie dont need to eat anything ever. His body eats itself, then heals and eats, heal, ect... Some strong metals can sustain nukes. Im guessing adamantium could. If he can be reduced to a metal skeleton and live that means his brain is fully protected. i doubt a nuke would even do it. Id were talkin time travel the go back and kill prof. X. then all the mutants would be lost. Cyclops would have accidently his leg off, storm would have been a naked goddess, jean would have been phenix and destroyed everything anyway. also why does sabretooth's body look like a woman when his head got chopped off?

darthsaeris
darthsaeris

I think his mom was Sarah Connor, so that just isn't going to work.

Jeremy Blair
Jeremy Blair

that comic was a future based comic. it was an older wolverine. his bones were growing over the adamantium (or metal was receding into his bones i forget how they put it). anyway a younger wolverine can survive it, but not an older wolvie. basically were trying to kill him now, so just burning off his skin wont work. just turn rouge evil. techno virus or whatever reason. let her grab him in a naked bear hug. as his powers are draining,she is absorbing his as well as his life force. even if he stabs her she has his healing factor to heal herself. If she concentrates long enough the whole thing will be over in 1 minute or less.

randell
randell

in the comics burning his skin off was sufficient enough to kill him what do you mean cyclops would have accidently his leg off you mean blasted it off if you mean that here is the problem with that cyclops is immune to his optic blasts