SPORTS

April 26, 2011

Monday Night Raw Review: 4-25-2011 WWE DRAFT NIGHT!

Raw Logo

Tonight is the night! Draft night! This week’s Raw starts off with quite a bang: a 20 man Battle Royale is already in full swing to determine whether Raw or Smackdown gets the first draft pick.

Mayhem ensues for about 15 minutes as it boils down to Evan Bourne and Mason Ryan vs Big Show and Kofi Kingston as the final four. In the end, Big Show proves to be too much as he eliminates both Raw wrestlers. Smackdown gets the first pick and the selection is…..

John Cena!

I’m so glad that Cena will be off of Raw. Now Miz just has to get drafted to Smackdown and the most boring rivalry in the history of the WWE can finally be out of my sight. At least until Extreme Rules, at which point I’ll then be rooting for Morrison to win. And I’m not even a Morrison fan.

The first of many assholes in the Raw lineup

Since we’re talking about Morrison, the man who attacked him after a match last week comes out for some heel action. Truth goes on about how the fans can suck it and how they failed him. Apparently Truth rapped and danced just to make the fans happy and not himself. He drives the point home by asking an imaginary boy named “Little Jimmy” a whole bunch of rhetorical questions. It was quite hilarious and then Morrison runs out to shut his face.

R Truth talking to an invisible Little Jimmy. Classic.

Right before commercial we are treated to a preview of next week’s show in Miami, which will feature The Rock’s birthday party… don’t know exactly how I feel about that one. I guess as long as the Rock is there it will be entertaining enough.

The next match is a Diva’s competition that will determine the next draft selection, featuring Eve Torres vs Layla.

Get this girl a title shot… such beauty is wasted otherwise

Michelle McCool joins her down at ringside, and as Smackdown has shown us, Laycool has been having some problems. As the match comes to a close, Michelle talks some shit to Layla and Eve takes advantage to pin her, getting Raw the next pick. That pick for Raw iiiiiiisssss…..

Rey Mysterio

The next match is Kofi Kingston vs Sheamus for a pick. I would assume every match is for a pick at this point. The match seemed brief with Sheamus getting laid out by two head kicks from Kofie and pinned for another Smackdown pick. This was really surpising and I have to say so far Smackdown is doing very well…..

Randy Orton to Smackdown.

Once we get back from commercial we are subjected to yet more Michael Cole nonsense as he squares off against Jim Ross. King is of course in JR’s corner, with Swagger in moron’s corner once more.

This guy might as well suck it.

This is a monumental waste of time for the most part. The only satisfying parts being JR beating up on Cole and making him bleed from his lip pretty good. Swagger of course interferes but it’s Lawler to the rescue as he takes out both Swagger and Cole, Cole getting whacked a few times with a belt from the King. Afterwards the Raw GM declares that the tag match between these four at Extreme Rules will be a Country Whipping Match. That is extreme….

Next we get more verbal vomit from that moron The Miz. Instead of describing the useless shit he said I thought I’d feature some stupid Miz expressions.

The next match is between Dolph Zigler and Randy Orton for two draft picks, Orton freshly picked up by Smackdown. The match itself was pretty entertaining but seemed short lived as Randy Orton breaks out of a quick pin by Zigler and RKO’s him to win two more draft picks for Smackdown. This is getting ridiculous for Raw, but it’s definitely shaking things up which is the point. After a short interruption by CM Punk and a commercial break we get to see the two picks for Smackdown:

Mark Henry and Sin Cara

I was pretty shocked by the Sin Cara pickup because he had such a short stint on Raw. Smackdown is really getting the heavy hitters at this point. Raw needs to win this next battle for two more picks, between Wade Barrett and Rey Mysterio. After another quick yet decent match, Rey seals the win with a 619 and a top rope finisher on Barrett. His victory leads to these next two picks:

The Big Show and Alberto Del Rio

It was good to see Raw pick up a couple of heavy hitters, because losing Orton and Cena was pretty huge. But Raw has one more chance to make one more decent acquisition. The final match of the night is a six man tag match to determine the final pick. For Raw we have the team of Miz, Del Rio and CM Punk.

I can’t help but like this team

For Smackdown is Cena, Mark Henry and Christian. I like this mix up because it’s none too often you see Cena and Del Rio in the same match or CM Punk and Christian. They gave a good physical finale for us that ended with not only another heel turn but a completely stupid last “random” draft pick. Mark Henry is the one who turned heel, taking out Cena and Christian both resulting in The Miz giving Cena the Skull Crushing Finale and the winning pin. As we frantically wonder who will be coming to Raw it turns out to be…..

Cena?

Somehow I feel cheated and disgusted. Thanks Raw. I know the whole thing is scripted but how incredibly random the selection must be if Cena gets picked both first and last. Lame. I can only hope Extreme Rules this Sunday doesn’t follow suit with a dog crap ending. Tune back in tomorrow as more draft picks occur during the day, and comment below to tell us what you think of the new picks from this year’s draft!




About the Author

Stephen Sanchez
This one time I ate a whole bucket of boiled peanuts, and I like to have got sick. Hi! I work a very stressful and serious job... and this one isn't so bad and that's why I do it. It's fun. I can win at Star Wars Trivial Pursuit in two moves. How many grown men can say that? And why would they say that?




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