SPORTS

April 4, 2011

WWE Wrestlemania 27 Review: The Year of the Snooki

Wrestlemania

Wrestlemania officially came and went tonight. It sometimes sizzled, but most times fizzled. I watched it with my brother tonight, getting that nostalgic feeling watching it at times. And yes… we both know and have known for a very long time that wrestling is indeed fake. However, this is a tradition we do try to keep every year and it was for the most part very entertaining. Certain wrestlers we thought would emerge victorious did not in several matches, especially in the first match that we will start with.

Championship Match: Alberto Del Rio V.S. Edge

Surprisingly the first match of the night was for the World Heavyweight Championship belt that is usually retained by the champion on Smackdown, which is currently held by the Rated R Superstar Edge. His challenger… this year’s Royal Rumble winner Alberto Del Rrrrrrrriiiioooooo! And yes, he is a rich Mexican themed wrestler who drives out to every match in a Rolls-Royce. But down to business…

I thought for sure Del Rio was going to come out on top for this one. This guy has been built up on Smackdown for months now and it all culminated with a shocking win in the Royal Rumble. I knew for sure he wasn’t going to challenge the WWE Champion from Raw, so it was a given it would be a Del Rio/Edge matchup at Wrestlemania. What I didn’t bank on was Del Rio losing to Edge. I’m not so sure this will be the end of their feud nor the end of Del Rio as a contender, but one thing is for sure – Del Rio looked like a whiny little bitch after the match while Edge beat the crap out of his Rolls-Royce with a crowbar. I don’t know about you guys but I’d be intervening ASAP on someone smashing a car that nice.

Overall this was a pretty entertaining match, with little interference by those outside the ring by Del Rio’s ring announcer Ricardo and the rotund Brodus Clay. Plenty of spears and arm breakers to go around. Winner: Edge


Cody Rhodes v.s. Rey Mysterio

In this match we were able to see the Rhodes/Mysterio feud come to a head. You see, the once Dashing Cody Rhodes has recently had to wear a face mask to protect his face from further damage after reconstructive surgery. He needed the surgery, he claims, due to the devastating 619 Mysterio gave to him months ago. Apparently Rey Mysterio’s knee brace added a little more power to the infamous move.

One interesting moment was before the match began as Mysterio entered the arena wearing a Captain America styled outfit. I can only say at least he took off the ridiculous red gloves before the match started. A valiant effort Rey, but maybe you should lay off the superhero them.

The match itself wasn’t overly long, but filled with all the high-flying maneuvers that Rey Mysterio is famous for. The match took a ridiculous turn when Cody’s mask was removed (Interestingly I didn’t see any sign of facial reconstruction.) and used by Rey to headbutt him several times. Then to top it off, Cody used Rey’s own knee brace to pummel him and then finish the match with the Crossroads. Sorry little Rey, but maybe you can get some revenge on Raw tonight. Winner: Cody Rhodes

 

 

The Corre V.S. Kane, Big Show, Santino and Kofi

This match was a bit useless and thankfully short. Though it had plenty of superstars I normally enjoy, any match where the walking joke Santino leads them to a win is enough to make me puke. After starting the match, it instantly gets out of control once Big Show gets in to start destroying Heath Slater. After Ezekiel gets in to take out Big Show there is a flurry of specialty moves occurring left and right. Santino then does his patented Cobra strike to Heath Slater and Big Show finishes him off with a ham sized fist to the face, winning the match with a pinfall. I think the match lasted all of six minutes, so thanks for the throwaway match WWE. And also please fire Santino. Winners: Kane, Big Show, Santino and Kofi Kingston.

Losers x4

Randy Orton V.S. CM Punk

Straight Edge Scumbag

Another match with no title hanging in the balance, only a possible end to another long running feud between two fan favorite superstars. After all the skull kicking CM Punk and his Nexus minions have received from Randy’s foot, tonight was the night to end it all hopefully. The match was nothing special, but well paced and ending in true Randy Orton style…. with a mid-air RKO to end the match. Again, I am very pleased with the absence of all the outside interference that ruins the pay per view matches. Now maybe Randy Orton can get back into the race for the WWE Championship that has eluded him these past months. I can’t tell anymore if people want to see Randy as a hero or villain (Face or Heel). Personally I want to see him back at his twisted sadistic self, but against someone other than John Cena. Winner: Randy Orton

Orton loves kicking skulls…

Jerry Lawler V.S. Michael Cole

“Uhhh Derrrr…”

I couldn’t wait for this match because I’ve been aching to see Michael Cole get a real good beating because quite frankly I can’t freakin’ stand him. Hearing him drone on with obvious bias to the villains in each match was bad enough but then before the match we had to hear him even more on his trek to the ring. At least Stone Cold Steve Austin busted out on a four-wheeler to shut the little weasel up for a bit.

After Lawler comes out and some prodding to get Cole in the ring the match finally starts with Jack Swagger in Cole’s corner and Steve Austin as the special referee. Cole gets a cheap shot in on Lawler and beats on him for a bit until Lawler finally gets ahold of him. Swagger actually tries to throw in the towel to call the match off which Stone Cold promptly uses to wipe off the sweat from his bald head before giving Mr. Swagger a Stone Cold Stunner. Lawler proceeds to whoop on Cole until he taps out from an ankle lock submission hold. Cue applause and Austin and Lawler enjoy a few beers together in the ring before the general manager sends and e-mail announcement that commentator Josh Matthews reads to the audience.

It turns out the still “anonymous” general manager of Raw thought that Austin interfered too much on Lawler’s behalf and disqualifies him making Cole the actual winner. This must have been hard to announce given the fact that Michael Cole recently called Matthews a “faggot” over twitter. To make matters even worse in a stunning move (pun intended) Lawler throws Matthews in the ring to get a Stunner from Austin. Talk about killing the messenger. Inexplicably, Austin’s Tough Enough partner in crime Booker T leaves the commentators table to join Austin and Lawler in celebrating by doing his famous break dancing in the middle of the ring. Then, in what I thought was the funniest part of the night, Booker T begins to drink a beer offered to him by Austin before he is also given a Stone Cold Stunner. A huge geyser of spit out beer and Booker T on the ground follows with Austin smiling and saying something to the effect of – “I had to do it.” Vintage Austin. Official Winner: Michael Cole


Undertaker V.S. Triple H

“Nice hammer….”

This was the match that I think everyone including myself were waiting for and it was by far the best match of the night. Sure there weren’t any titles on the line or even a career long feud between the two. Triple H was just the next obvious choice to attempt breaking the Undertaker’s unbeaten Wrestlemania streak which at this point stood at 18-0. To make it even better this was a no holds barred, no disqualifications or count out match and these two superstars definitely took it to the limit.

They broke the spanish commentators’ table of course. They used the steel steps and a nice folding chair. They both executed their specialty moves, with Triple H using at least two Pedigrees on the Taker. But pin after pin neither of these wrestling behemoths would yield. In the coolest moment of the match, Triple H gave the Undertaker his own move: the tombstone piledriver. To add insult to injury, Triple H even pinned the Undertaker as he himself would but shockingly the phenom kicked out of the pin. Triple H finally resorted to going beneath the ring for his patented tool the trusty sledgehammer to finish things but was surprised by being locked into the Taker’s submission move the Hell’s Gate. After what seemed like an eternity Triple H finally gave several weakened taps of the hand to signal his surrender and now the record still stands…. 19-0. I have to admit I thought that Triple H might win the match and end the Undertaker’s streak but now I think the WWE will let him retire with the record intact, maybe after win number 20. Winner: The Undertaker

 

 

Snooki, Trish Stratus and John Morrison V.S. Laycool and Dolph Zigler

“I can haz cheezburger?”

This is actually a match that I couldn’t give a dead moose’s last crap about, because I hate Jersey Shore and everyone involved in it. Especially Snooki. But I will definitely let you know who won so we can stop wasting time with it. Snooki, Stratus and John Morrison won the match after we had to see the horrendous Snooki do a front flip and expose her jelly rolls to all. Thank you for that WWE. Winners: Who cares.

 

Main Event: Cena V.S. Miz (Champion)

 

This match was very much like the Jericho/Triple H follow up to the Hulk Hogan/Rock match-up at Wrestlemania 18; it’s a tough act to follow up. Try as this match might, it could not live up to the Undertaker-Triple H match that took place earlier in the night. It came down to the same stuff we see Cena and Miz doing nearly every Monday night and it just bored me. I fully expected Cena to win and when he didn’t I suppose that was the only surprise to come of it. I hate Cena but I definitely hate the Miz more so I was actually pulling for Cena to come out on top. The short match actually had a couple of surprising twists. Cena destroys Miz outside of the ring, at one point hurting himself too resulting in their joint count out. The title then stays in Miz’s hands. But wait, the Rock who is the host of this Wrestlemania comes out and begins to read a new e-mail from the general manager before stopping and smashing the computer. Rock then declares that the match will restart with no disqualifications or count outs. The match commences and in annoying fashion the Rock interferes with a Rock Bottom for Cena. The Miz pins him and wins. But the Rock isn’t finished, because he proceeds to attack the Miz also and gives him the most electrifying move in sports! (The People’s Elbow.) So a very lackluster ending to Wrestlemania which left a sour taste in my mouth. I was glad to have The Rock back but what a stupid way to end the biggest wrestling event of the year. Boo! Winner: The Miz

 

Check out what happened the following night at RAW!!!

 




About the Author

Stephen Sanchez
This one time I ate a whole bucket of boiled peanuts, and I like to have got sick. Hi! I work a very stressful and serious job... and this one isn't so bad and that's why I do it. It's fun. I can win at Star Wars Trivial Pursuit in two moves. How many grown men can say that? And why would they say that?




5 comments
Nathan Hale
Nathan Hale

I quit being a fan of the wwe because of how abysmal that pay per view was. They broadcast a wrestlemania preview for thirty minutes before the show where the Daniel Bryan match was advertised as being part of the show. Those idiots got their wires crossed apparently and didn't realize that a match that was forced off the pay per view to make room for snooki, michale cole and the corre was being advertised to people who threw away fifty five dollars. Del Rio versus Edge was stupid. They had a tv worthy back and forth match with minimal interference by Christian and Brodus with an abrupt finish. All the glory that was the (rare) wrestlemania win for Edge was diluted by a drawn out effort to dent Del Rio's car. I'm thinking that HHH or Cena wanted their matches to get more publicity and cried to Vince about getting their way. Rey Mysterio can make a great match our of any circumstances, and Cody Rhodes wasn't bad either. What was dumb about this match, which I'll say didn't overshadow the in ring ability of the performers, was that stupid mask. It's a see through mask, we can see his face easily. If he's so terrified about being seen he could come out wearing a surgical mask or something that doesn't look like something a basketball player would wear. In the end, great match with the only "Ooooo!" worthy moment of the entire evening. The corre is stupid. Their stupidity overshadows any ability they have. They're the corre, an esoteric group of nobodies trying to get noticed (I think). What does the corre mean? It has an extra "r", symbolizing nothing beyond the idea that spelling a word incorrectly is a cheap method of fooling morons into thinking that you're clever. What does a core mean in regard to four idiots who can barely get over? The match was dumb because it was your basic raw filler match, everyone attacks each other a spot and a finish and we've managed to placate all these guys. I have to admit that I hate randy orton. This moron with the ability of a terry taylor came out of bob orton jr's ball sack and for some reason that means that he can act like a dick head to anyone and still be put on tv and pay per view while he's indefinitely injured. The only talent he has is the talent that's given to him by vince and his circle. He's a sloppy performer, drew macintyre could be randy orton if they gave him the same moves and theme music. Vince has a hard on for legacies however, so true talents like CM Punk have to play the egomaniac on tv and sell to a jack off like randy orton. Why does vince hate michale cole? You know that vince hates someone when he throws them on tv and forces them to behave like a spoiled teenage girl. Jerry Lawler is great, but he's a fucking idiot. I'll bet money on Lawler being backstage telling michael cole "Hit me with this, and talk about my mom.". That being said. the match was fucking horrible. Michael cole wandered through his spots with a blank look on his face setting up Lawler for moves that he would eventually change his mind about, the entire time Lawler was selling like death. This match was worse than the snooki match, the fans were at the mercy of a guy who had no fucking clue of what he was doing and somehow watching Stone Cold spill beer everywhere saved it. Triple H versus the Undertaker. I was a fan of the Undertaker, when he didn't move like a tree with rigormortis. I don't know if it's him, or if it's Vince that are still trying to push this wrestlemania streak concept. Watching the Undertaker wrestle is like watching Anna Nicole Smith compute fractions in her head, the guy's physical health is that of a ninety year old. For those of us who appreciate athleticism, the match was slow and boring. The Undertaker slapped on the worst gogoplata in history and it was done, sadly there were still more dissappointments to come. Let me be frank about the wwe. They couldn't sell out their biggest show. So what did they do? They thought that if they put snooki on their show, they would sell out. It didn't work. So they recorded a skit with snoop dogg and claimed that he would be at wrestlemania (which he fucking wasn't), and it still didn't work. Then the rock gives away tickets on his twitter. Because the wwe has become FUCKING pathetic, they gave us snooki. Enough said on that. The Miz versus John Cena was decent. I knew that Cena wouldn't sell for shit, to my standards he didn't but he did give up a pinfall loss to Miz. The Rock interfered on Miz' behalf however, so it was your typical John Cena crapfest. The Rock interfering was what The Rock meant by "Most memorable Wrestlemania ever", as if nobody saw that one coming. I quit.

ciberaven
ciberaven

Yea I hate how wwe is pushing the miz and Michael Cole as if anyone wants to see them, infact nobody does, im sick of both of them, im also sick of the anonymous GM, I mean it was interesting for a while but now its too much, honestly I know a large number of people who just dont want to watch wrestling anymore because of cole and the gm, the miz is ok, but hes being pushed waaay to far, he is not champion material as he has yet to win without being assisted in one way or another. Wrestlemania 27 was a joke, no U.S. tittle match, too many commercials and backstage promos, it simply did not feel like wrestlemania, the closing match was horrible and should have been first, the best match of the night was pushed to the middle (HHH vs Undertaker), so yea, one of the worst wrestlemanias of all time if not the absolute worst, it had its good moments for a ppv but did not meet the standards set by previous wrestlemanias.

darthsaeris
darthsaeris

Nathan, I was truly almost ready to boycott Wrestlemania because of Snooki being on there and I had to change the channel when she was on Raw last time. If they must get a celebrity at the Mania, at least get an actual celebrity. And even though I did enjoy the Taker/Triple H match, I totally agree with you on the point that he is definitely looking sluggish. (tree with rigormortis. lol) It seems like the story for the Undertaker has taken a backseat or at this point become non existent and is now all about the streak. No one cares about a streak that is already predetermined. It's predictable now, year after year. Thanks for the in-depth comment, it's much appreciated. How's TNA these days by the way? I may have to give up on the WWE too and switch to that.

darthsaeris
darthsaeris

For 64 dollars, it was definitely not worth the money even for a couple good matches. And I totally agree with you about the anonymous general manager garbage. That schtick got old after the first six months and it's been going for a year if not more. Thanks for commenting by the way. We loooooove comments!